I Can't Let You Go

Test

"Emilia?" Lola knocked on the bathroom door after some minutes. "Are you alright?" she asked her, and she did not move away. 
"Yes, I am... fuck!" she answered, and not a moment later she opened the door.
"What is it? It cannot be a result that quickly." Lola frowned. 
"I ... dropped it into the toilet. Accidentally." Em took a deep breath. "I can't believe I am that lame." she rolled her eyes. 
"See, I knew you are, that is why I bought two." Lola turned to the table and pulled out the other one from the bag. "Go back, and take care of this one." Lola smiled at her. 
"I need to drink." Emilia shook her head and went back to the kitchen. She poured another glass of water for herself. And started to drink it. Lola's phone vibrates again. "Who is it? Very persistent." Emilia stated between two sips. 
"Ahm... just my... my co-worker," Lola stated confusedly. "She needs some help with our project." 
"You can go if you..." Emilia told her.
"No, I won't leave you here Milly." she shook her head and placed her phone to the table. "Not until I am sure, that fucking test is negative." she smiled at her. 
"If it is, I swear I am going to drink a bottle of wine," Emilia stated and drank the whole glass of water. 
"I thought you are not drinking." Lola laughed at her.
"There are exceptional cases, and Kit is not in town." she sighed and stared at the second test. "Must be negative right?" she asked Lola again.
"If you don't do we'll never know." Lola shrugged her shoulder. "I'll be here." she smiled at her and watched her walking back to the bathroom. 

Lola trusted it will be negative. It has to be. Seeing how Emilia was freaking out. She understood her. She was not ready to have a child either. Of course, she doesn't have any serious relationship at the moment, but she can imagine. She thought back the times when they were younger, they wanted to have child at the same time.  They were joking, one of them will have a boy, the other has a girl, and they will marry when they grow up. Beautiful, carefree childhood times. She smiled and raised up a picture from the cabinet. The picture of them, when they were teens. 
"Emilia?"
"It's not that easy to pee" she answered a bit angrily and Lola giggled a bit about her.
"Okay, sorry." she apologized and walked to the other cabinet. There was a picture of Kit and her. From the Thrones set. It must be hard for them. Living in this way. Keeping themselves hidden from the public eye. She doesn't envy them. They loved each other so much, and the rules of Hollywood just make their life a shit. No matter how they loved them. She did not even want to think about the scandal it could cause. 

"Em?" a male voice came from the entrance. Lola turned to the direction, and it was Kit. He has clearly arrived at right from the airport.
"What are you doing here?" Lola shook her head, and she was surprised. 
"I am glad to see you too." Kit answered a bit angrily and placed his bags to the couch. "what is going on?"
"What? Nothing." Lola was embarrassed "We are just... having a girly day." she tried to act normal.
"Lola I know her, and I know you. Your answers are... "
"You combine things." Lola shook her head. "There is nothing wrong, we just wanted to have a girly day." she placed the picture back to the counter. 
"Where is Emilia?"
"You shouldn't be in the US?" Lola asked him.
"Am I interrupting something?" Kit started to lose his patience. "What is going on?" 
"I am just surprised. She... ahm... she said, you'll be home tomorrow, and we spend the whole day together." Lola explained, but she was clearly lying. Kit immediately noticed that.
"I was just worried, and I wanted to see her. But... don't worry, as soon as I see she is okay, I'll leave and let you have the girly day," he stated.
"It would be better if you leave now," Lola answered, and Kit stepped closer to her. Looking into her eyes. 
"Where is Emilia?" he asked her again firmly.
"She... we were just jumped in... because she had to pee. But we... go further. We wanted to take a walk. The weather is so fine." Lola tried to lie another thing, but even she knew she is fucking bad at this. They were staring at each other, and Kit still has a bad feeling. He nodded and walked to the kitchen. Lola wanted to warn Emilia, but she had no idea how. 
"Which one of you is sick?" Kit spotted the pharmacy logo bag in the table.
"No...
"Negative! Thank god!" Emilia opened the bathroom door and stepped out from the bathroom, raised the test in her hand so high and she was smiling as she got the most amazing news in her life. Lola smiled at her confused, and the next moment Kit stepped out from the kitchen and they were standing face to face with his love. He couldn't talk, his eyes stuck on the pregnancy test on her hand. 
"What are you doing here?" Emilia asked him and lowered her hand. 
"I wanted to see everything is alright, with you, after your weird message." Kit answered but he couldn't smile. He did not imagine this reunion with her after a week, in this way. "Don't you wanna say something?" he frowned.
"I... I did not know you are coming home today." Emilia stated, and lowered her head.
"That is all?" Kit surprised. 
"Guys, I think I... " Lola wanted to leave them to discuss this topic. 
"No. Don't worry. It seems... " Kit made a face "It is better If I go." he gave an angry look to Emilia and grabbed his bag. 
"Kit!" Em wanted to stop her, she placed the test to the counter and ran after him. She grabbed his arm at the door. "Sorry, I ... " she sighed. 
"Why you did not tell me?" he asked her disappointed
"Guys, I really better go..." Lola stepped next to them. "If you need anything Milly" 
"Thanks, babe." she hugged Lola.
"And If you still want to go to the doctor. To be more sure."
"I'll call you later." she kissed her cheek and she walked passed by them. "Don't be an asshole Harington," Lola added and left them.
"Can we... go inside?" Emilia took a deep breath, looked around and then raised her eyes at him. 

Kit walked inside and Emilia followed him. He sat on the couch and saw the blocks in the bag. He pulled it out and check it. Two pregnancy tests. He was just staring at it. 
"Negative," Emilia told him quietly. "False alarm. Probably just the stress caused... some late in my period. I was just..." she crossed her arms in front of her body.
"You were just freak out and panicking?" Kit placed back the block to the table and raised his head up. 
"I am not."
"From the way you came out of the bathroom, I am sure you were." Kit mentioned. 
"It is not the right time okay?" Emilia sat to the edge of the table, opposite to Kit. "You know it is not. Of course, I was panicking." she placed her hand to his hand. 
"But why?" Kit did not understand.
"Why? Kit are you asking this serious?" Emilia frowned. "We ... are not ready for it. Not now. We are full of jobs, roles, and many other things. Not to mention Rose and Mariana... and the public judgment." Emilia tried to explain. "It ... We couldn't make it through. Not now." she shook her head. 
"What would have been ... if it is positive?" Kit looked at her.
"But it is not," she answered immediately.
"But what if it was?" Kit stared at her face, but she lowered her head and tried to answer, but she couldn't. "Would you go to have an abortion? In secret? As if he never existed?" Kit pulled his hand away from her.
"You know I would never be able to do this." she sighed. 
"Then why you did not tell me? When ... you realize it? When you... realize you might even be pregnant? Why you did not tell me?"
"It was just ... a couple hours ago. Lola reminded me that I should have my period by now. I did not even... think about it. I did not have time to think about it." Emilia explained
"I've called you several times today, and you say there is nothing wrong. It was clear there is. I called you at the moment I landed. I wanted to surprise you. But... you are better with surprises." Kit made a face. "Did you even plan to tell me at all?" he looked at her.
"There is nothing to tell you, Kit." Emilia sighed. "I am not pregnant, okay? So there is nothing to talk about." she shook her head. 
'I'm not even sure if it was positive you'll tell." he was still disappointed. 
"For fuck sake Kit!" Emilia jumped up. "See... that is why I did not want to tell you before anything is sure. Because of this judgy look. I don't need it." she raised her voice and walked to the counter where she put the pregnancy test. She grabbed it and placed it in front of him. "See it is negative, so there is nothing to talk about." she walked to the kitchen. 

"Why is a sin If I... I'd be happy if you were pregnant?" Kit walked after her, and he was holding that test between his fingers. She was standing in front of the sink, with her back at him, and took another deep breath. "We were talking about that.. a lot... and It seemed like you wanted it too. Having a family together." he continued so quietly. 
"I want this." Emilia turned to him and she saw how sad he is. She did not want to argue with him or hurt him, but she wants to be honest with him.
"You show it pretty weird way." Kit made a face, and he was still staring at the pregnancy test.
"Kit, just think through this, for a moment. I ... we are not ready. We are definitely not ready to be parents. Not now. Yes, one day, I want to have a family with you, I want to raise two or three beautiful children with you, but ... not now. Can you imagine what would people say? We barely could manage to hide from the paps and the journalists, and do you really want this life for our child? Born without father? Because you know it, I can't say his father is you. It is not possible in this situation. That would ruin both of us." She tried to make him understand.
"I don't care what people think about me."
"But I do" Emilia answered. "Sorry, but It important for me. And not because I don't love you. But I want a happy life for my children when I have children. Not that mess that we are in." she lowered her head. "I thought both of us want it." 
"I am ready to spend my life with you, Clarke." Kit shrugged his shoulders. "I am ready for everything with you. Even for this." he raised the test a bit and explained. "But I understand if you are not." he shook his head. "I am sorry. Maybe I... I did not expect to come home for this and ... I just thought we can talk about everything" he told her. "You don't have to keep things hid from me." 

Emilia walked closer to him slowly. 
"I ... I am sorry too. I just don't want you to be disappointed in me." she looked at the test in his hand. "I did not want you to see... that how much I freaked out." she was talking so kindly, and quietly. "Someday... I'll be the happiest woman when this test is going to be positive. Someday." she was standing so close to him. "And I wouldn't hands out that test. I peed down it a couple of minutes ago." she giggled, and Kit started to laugh too. Em took the test out of his hand and placed her arms around his neck. She loved him. She really does, but it was not the right time to have a family.