I Can't Let You Go

Truth

"For Fuck Sake Em. At least now, be honest with me!" Kit's mind was racing. He was mad, and nervous, and he had hopes. He wanted to know, he is right. He wanted to know she feels the same way. "Honest? When we last spoke about your wedding, you said, it won't happen soon. The ring was just a symbolic gift nothing else. But you are gonna marry her in the next summer. At June 23. It is really you who wants the other to be honest?" she answered to him and fighting with her tears. "What should I do? I went there and she told the exact date to my face." he yelled back. "Maybe finally you should grow some balls, and if you don't want this fucking wedding, tell her and not always be her little puppy." at the moment when Emilia said it, she regret it. She did not wanted to hurt him, but she couldn't control her feelings. "Tell me one good reason why I not marry her." he walked to her and looked into her eyes. "Emilia, please." he begged her. "I can't." she answered and escaped from his arms again. She turned her back at him. She wanted to be strong. She wiped her eyes "We should eat." she told him quietly.

"Okay this is hilarious. If you don't want me to marry her just say it." He yelled. "I see you don't like the idea." He continued. "The idea? Kit we are talking about a marriage now, what lasts for a lifetime. Or it should be. And you begging me to say something for you why you should decline it? I won't. You are a big guy and you can decide what you wanna do with your life." She also yelled with him. "You cannot just push the responsibility to me."

They both stood there in silence and stared each other. The air was tense between them. "You still did not answered to my question." Kit lowered his voice. "Why you came to the theater?" He asked again. "Why is this important?" She rolled her eyes. "I just wanna know." Kit walked close to her again. "Please Emilia. Answer me." He hoped she is gonna say what... He wants to hear. He still just hoped it is not too late. "I went there because I ... wanted to talk with you. About ... Charlie. After the pub. After how you left us there. I ... wanted to apologize. It was a bad idea to... go there. I know. But... " she explained. She tried hard to say something believable. "You are a terrible liar, Em. You know that right?" He stroked her cheek. "Kit. I don't care what you believe or not." She looked into his eyes. Her eyes were darker than usual. "You are my friend, he is my love. I just hate that you two are... not get along well. Story is over." She was hurt. She was fucking hurt because he went to New York and came back with a date. With a damn wedding date.

"Can we skip this topic already? Please." She asked him. "I am hungry. You were talking about some salmon and salad." She grabbed his hands and took off from her face. "Okay it is enough." He told her and stopped her again.

Kit grabbed her arms again and turned her to himself. "Why the hell are you that fucking stubborn?" he asked, while she tried to avoid the eye contact with him "If you don't say it. Then I will... I love you Emilia. Don't you get it? Don't you see it or feel it? Maybe I am wrong and I screw everything now, but... I know... I feel you love me. I know you were there in the theater because you feel the same. Just ... "he caressed her face " be honest with me finally, and ... I beg you to do not afraid to say it. I love you since the first moment Em. Only you. But you decided we cannot be together, so I agreed to be just your friend, and ... I made a fucking mistake when I moved on and started this relationship with Rose. I never really moved on. It was always you. I... couldn't stop thinking about you since the Emmys. That night, was the most amazing night of my life. After this... I ... decided to tell you how I feel. After we got back to London. I wanted to tell you. I did not cared about the consequences. But... I was late. And you found someone, who maybe better for you, but he will never love you like I do. That one thing is sure. No matter what you think." Kit took a deep breath. He told her. He told her the truth finally. "If this is true, than why you went to New York?" Em shook her head. Kit looked her desperately.

"You really don't get it? I had to go. I couldn't live with the thought... you fell in love with another. You... share your bed with someone else. And share your heart. I ... wanted to forget you." Kit said. "This is not a very good explanation. You tell me you love me, but you wanted to forget me, and your first move was... just went to NYC? To Rose? And you continued to plan your wedding. You have a wedding date. I assume you have the place too. And the color of the flowers. Kit... what do you want me to say? If you really love me... you would have broke up with her after the Emmys. You said... you knew you love me after the Emmys but you did nothing. You did fucking nothing. What were you waiting for? " Em was crying. "I wanted to know... you feel the same." He answered. It was a bad answer. He knew it... but he wanted to be honest.

"If I don't feel the same... you just go back to her and continue your life with her even if you don't love her? Kit, you cannot be serious." Em was disappointed. "It was... a bad plan. Now ... you said it loud I... I know. She don't deserve it. I... I just..." he tried to find the words. "See. This is why I cannot believe you. You... until you don't even know what you feel, how you want me to believe you?" Em shrugged. "Emilia. I know what I feel." He continued and held his face between his hands. "I love you Kit." She told him. "You have no idea how much and how long. Yes. I went to the theater to tell you that. I wanted to tell you that I love you. But... you were not there. You were in New York. With her. And thanks to this... I realized you don't love me. You... you just fond of me. You just want me to be there when no one else is there for you. You want me to be there as a B option... but I don't want to be a B option. I wanna be someones first choice. I wanna be someones whole life. Charlie... " she told him with tears in her eyes. "That is not true" he shook his head. "You know me Em. You know me. Do not say this" He tried everything and still held her face between his arms. His forehead met with hers. "Yes. I know you. This is why I am sure of this. But... it doesn't matter. You are a good guy Kit. This is why I fell in love with you. You are just... confused. Emmys night should... never have to happen. It just mixed our feelings. That is all." She continued. "Em please. Don't do this." He begged her. "Maybe it is better if you go home tonight." She placed her hands to his, what are still held her face.

"This is my home." She pulled her to himself and pressed his lips to hers. Their tongues found each other instantly. It was a passionate kiss full with emotions. Em put her arms around his neck while he raised her to his lap. They did not stop kissing even for a minute. He walked to the bedroom with her and placed her to the bed. He took of his shirt and ripped of hers. He was kissing her chest and her breasts. His hand slowly slid down to her sex and unbuttoned her jeans. "Kit" she panted. She was full with desire. He took of her jeans and kissed her again vehemently. His finger rapidly slid into her wet pussy. "Fuck. Em. I... you are fucking wet for me. I... I can't." He was always amazed by it. He loved it. It makes him wild and crazy. Em slid her hand to his pants and grabbed his sex. "He immediately took off his pants and placed himself on the top of her body. "You won't get any foreplay this time. I wanna feel you deep." He told her with full of lust and he thrust her with his hard dick deeply. Her moan were the best sounds for his ears. "I've missed you Clarke. I am fucking missed you." He was pushing her wild and his mind turned off again. He felt her. He felt the girl who he starved for. "Kit" she moaned. "Kit!" She screamed. "KIT!" She shrilled.

"Kit. Kiiit..." someone was shaking him. He opened his eyes. Johnny was there in front of him. "They wanna close the doors. We should go. How the hell you can fall asleep everywhere?" Johnny laughed at him. "Wait. I fall asleep?" Kit tried to wake up and tried to came to mind. "Yeah in that minute when I went for a coffee. I told you to not laid on that couch." He still laughed. "Now come. You can sleep more at home. That New York trip really freaked you out." He stood up and followed Johnny. He still couldn't believe.

That was a dream. The note what Rose left on his suitcase... The talk with Emilia. The kiss... the sex... everything was a fucking dream. Kit couldn't believe is. "Find one's way home?" Johnny looked at him once again. "Yeah. Yeah of course. " Kit nodded and looked at his watch. "Fuck!" he said loudly. It passed 10 pm and he swore to bring some dinner for Em. He had to go there. Now. He checked his phone too. He had five missed calls from Rose. Two from Emilia. And of course that fucking phone was muted. "I cannot be that idiot." He sighed.

Em was woken up by her doorbell. She walked to the door slowly and drowsily. "Kit" she said while yawned. "I thought you fall asleep at home." she stated. "I am sorry. I fall asleep at the rehearsal room." He smiled to her. "I swear I am gonna give you a key. It is almost midnight. Seriously?" Em was looking at him. "It is just 11 pm." he grinned. "Just come in and let me sleep." Em rolled her eyes with a smile. He stepped into the flat, and saw his suitcase is there. It was empty. "Em... you... did the laundry?" his dream came to his mind. "I told you I do it. Your clothes are already on the dryer." she answered while floundered back to the bedroom. Kit sighed. So there were no messages, nothing. "Thank God" he whispered to himself. To be honest he would be happy, if Rose leaves him a message, but he realized one thing after his dream. He have to break up with Rose. No matter Emilia loves him or not. He have to make the step. Because Rose is not his life. She is not the right choice for him. The right choice for him is Emilia, and he decided to proves her this. No matter how long it will takes. "Em?" he asked, but she was already on the bed and fall asleep. He went there and gave a kiss to her head, she did not moved. "I love you, Clarke" he rustled and went to took a shower.