I Can't Let You Go

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"I'll be back today, we'll talk later" 
This was the message of what is waiting for her that evening. She immediately started to calculate the time difference between NYC and London, and thinking about when will he arrives. He must be mad at her, even is she hated how he handled the situation he was right in some way. She should have told him about the thing between her and Rose. Meanwhile, she was mad at him too. A message? A fucking message after he was not reachable for a day? She really couldn't understand his ways in the past few months. 
"Are you okay?" Lola asked her, while they were walking in the street towards the theater. 
"Yeah sure. I am. Just... Kit wrote. He is coming home." Em smiled a bit.
"I saw the Graham Norton commercial." Lola grabbed her arm. "You.... did not even tell me you're gonna be there together. It will be so much fun." she laughed a bit.
"Well... things have changed." Em raised her eyebrow.
"He is not going?" Lola shook her head. "Up a fight?"
"No... yes... it is... more complicated." Em sighed. "Anyway, I can't be there. Michael told me it is not cool... to hanging around with Kit... until he put himself together, and stop drinking." she lowered her head.
"Since when did you do what he says?" Lola laughed.
"Now it is serious." Em shrugged her shoulder. "Kit has problems, and he knows it. He ... want to solve it, just... it is not that easy." 
"Will it ever be easy?" Lola asked her. 
"I hope once." Em nodded.
"Is he worth it?" Lola stood at her "Is he?" 
Emilia took a deep breath. She knew... for an outsider... it may seem it not worth it, but ... he loved him. Too much. A too long time ago, to just give up on him. Especially now. She knows he needs her. She knows he loves her. Even if he is an idiot sometimes, she is not better either.
"I made a pact with Rose" she raised her eyes at Lola.
"What?"

Em told everything to Lola. She was surprised and she did not understand why she did that but she promised her she will support her in everything. After the play over, they went home by cab. Emilia checked the clock on her phone. It was 9.30 pm. He should have arrived in London already, but he did not call her. Probably he went home. She took out of the car when it stopped in front of her house, and walked inside. She hoped... from her heart maybe he'll be there. But... he wasn't. 
"Call me when you want to." she pushed the send button. Not just Kit was a mess when she is not around, but she felt the same. When they are alone... with Rose near to them... it always gets messy and things just screwed up. Her phone was beeping, and it was another message.
"Just got home. I call you tomorrow." 
So he was clearly mad at her. Great. She placed the phone on the table and went to take a bath. Her mind was racing. Sure, he was right in some way but... she also has many reasons to be mad at him. And still... she just wanted to see him, and be sure, he is okay and everything is fine. She did not hear when her phone beeped again. It was another message. "I love you, Clarke. I just need to be alone now."

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She woke up with a terrible headache and her nose was plugged. She sat up on the bed. Great... so they lied she got cold and finally... she really got cold. She walked to the kitchen and made tea for herself, then laid back to her bed. She felt she has a hot temperature. She barely could keep her eyes open. At least she doesn't have any appearances or meetings in the next few days, but she did not plan it in this way. She did not check her phone since she went to take a shower on the previous night... she had a horrible dream too. About that wedding. Somehow she still saw it in front of her eyes. Even if she knows it will never happen. It cannot happen. Kit loves her, and he will never marry Rose. Still... it stuck in her brain. She hugged the pillow next to her, and after she took antipyretic she falls asleep again. 

Hours later her doorbell woke her up. She rubbed her eyes, and get up from the bed. Someone pushed that bell ardently. "Coming," she whispered and pulled the robe on herself. She sneezed, and again... "fuck." she swiped her nose then she finally opened the door. 
"I know I was a dick, but seriously? I did not want to argue with you, but you did not even answer my message? I've called you many times today!" Kit stormed inside and Emilia was speechless. "What is it Emilia?" he spread his arms and turned to her finally. That moment he noticed she probably doesn't feel well. "You don't look good. Are you okay?" He stepped closer.
"Ahm... "she tried to find the words then she sneezed again.
"Did I wake you up?" Kit continued.
"Well, This is not the best way to wake me up that is sure." Em sighed. "You wrote you'll call me. Later. What should I answer for that?" she coughed. 
"When did you check your phone?" Kit smiled a bit.
"Last night. If you missed I don't feel well." she walked inside, and Kit followed her. She reached her hand to her phone and check it. 5 missed calls. 2 messages. All from Kit. "I ... did not... did not see those." Em raised the phone, then placed it back to the counter. 
"You got cold." Kit stated.
"Well, Michael told I have to miss Graham Norton ... refer that I got cold, so ... it seems my body did not want to lie about it." she sat to the edge of the bed.
"Do you need something?" he was staring at her.
"I am sorry. I should have told you." she sighed. "I just... we did not fix anything, we were just talking about it and..." she couldn't finish because she started to cough again. 
"You should not have consented." Kit placed his hands to his pocket. 
"I had to. Because of you. You are not... strong enough to handle it alone." Em answered. "Can we... talk about it later? I am ... don't feel well." she raised her eyes at him. 
"Go back to bed." Kit stretched his arm towards her and pull her up. He kissed her forehead. "I am sorry because ... that drunk night again." he sighed "After you left... I ... she went on with that kissing idea at the end, and ... she invited herself to the after-party. I just..." Kit tried to explain.
"It doesn't matter," Em whispered. "I am glad... you are here and alive."
"Do you want me to come back? After the talk show recording?" Kit asked her, while he was holding her close. 
"Just if you want to." 
"I bring you some medicines." he smiled a bit.
"No. No. I ... take care of it." Em coughed again. "I need some fresh air." she tried to smile. 
"Just have some rest. I'll be back as soon as I can okay?" he held her face in his palms. 

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The show went well. Being away from Rose literally makes him a better man. He knew he screw up, he was thinking about it a lot in the past day. He decided to call that rehabilitation center because that is what he needed. He could say no to the drink offer at the recording, and he did not want to attend the crew party. No. He had a more important thing to do. He stopped at a pharmacy on his way back to Emilia and bought some medicines for her. He was holding his phone in his hand, with the Health Center number on the screen. The after-party mistake was his last mistake. It not just because of Emilia, but because of himself. He was too young and ... his carrier is just about to start. He had a huge chance, but he knew... he only can get it, if he gets over his problem. His depression. There was no other way. For his future. And he knew Emilia also just wants the best for him. As she always wanted. 

SPAIN 2016

"The smell of your mouth is awful" Emilia giggled when they woke up in the morning. She was still lying next to him, in his arms. 
"Did I drink a lot?" Kit frowned.
"You don't remember." Em lowered her head.
"I remember you cuddled here but... " he tried to think back to the last night. 
"Yes, you drank a lot." Em nodded. "And ... I worry about you. In the past year, you drink too much. I know " she placed her hand to his chest "I know it must be hard. I mean... the spotlight, being in that much focus." Em explained. "But drinking won't help. You know it. You... I don't want you to sink in it again. I worry about you." 
He grabbed her hand and gave a kiss to it. 
"You are the... greatest friend "It was hard for him to say it loud because she was not just his friend, she never will be... " I ever had. You know that right?" he smiled a bit.
"If you want to drink, just call me. Wherever you are. No matter what is the time. There are other solutions to problems. Okay? Not to mention you are useless the day after, and I need to work with you a lot this season."
"So you don't worry about me, but more about your carrier" Kit teased her.
"Yeah, who cares about you." Em frowned and shook her head with a smile in her face. 
"Thank you, Clarke." He looked into her eyes and their eyes locked for some minutes. Then Emilia broke the eye contact. 
"We should... get up. We'll have many things to do, and you definitely need a toothbrush, some paste, and a bath." she sat up on the bed. 

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"Em?" Kit entered into her flat. He walked to the bedroom and she was there. Sleeping. She looked like an angel. His guardian angel. Even if her rose was red. He placed his hand to her forehead. At least her fever gone. He spotted the medicines on the counter. So she really went out and bought it for herself. He just shook his head with a smile. Kit took off her clothes and went to take a shower. She woke up to the noises and smiled a bit when she realized he is there. Everything will be fine. Between them... even Rose tries to cause problems. They are stronger than that. When he laid next to her, she snuggled closer to him.
"I woke you up again," he stated quietly.
"It doesn't matter." Em answered, "It was not the worst way to wake me up." she smiled and he pulls her close. 
"I've called them. I am leaving next week. And ... I probably have to be there for at least a month. Or longer." 
"Thank you," she whispered and he was caressing her arms. 
"Just sleep. I'll be there when you wake up. And if you need anything."
"I need you." Em squeezed his hand. "And I promise I'll tell you everything. I did not want to keep that in a secret, I just... did not want you to be nervous about it. Not before that Show. I knew it is important for you." 
"Do not place me in front of yourself every time Clarke. You don't have to get involved in this. WIth Rose. I do not expect it from you." Kit sighed
"I know. But we only can do this together." she turned her face to him. "And you know ... you need me. Even if you don't want to accept it." 
"I accepted it... I know it... I knew much earlier than you think" he pressed his lips to her lips and kissed her softly.