I Can't Let You Go

Afternoon

Kit was reading something on his laptop, meanwhile, Emilia was laying next to him, inversely on her stomach with a book in her hand. The weather was cold outside, it was the middle of December already and their days that they spend together went so quickly. They woke up quite late that day, but it was not surprising. They had a quite long and satisfying night and they fell asleep only at dawn. Kit raised his eyes at her and smiled a bit. At that moment they seemed like such a normal couple, with normal habits, without problems. A quiet afternoon together, without anyone disturbing them. He opened another article on the page and put his hand to her leg. Emilia did not react anything. She was drowning in the book with her whole attention. Not a couple of minutes later Kit finished with the article and he raised his eyes at Emilia again. His hand was sliding up on her calf towards her thigh. 
"I am reading," she stated above her shoulder.
"I know. I did nothing." he smiled and she felt how his hand was sliding more up towards her butt. 
"Harington!" she turned to him. "I am reading."
"Okay, Okay! Fine!" he raised his hands up and apologized and she turned back to her book. "And what is it?"
"What is what?" she sighed and rolled her eyes. 
"The book." He put the laptop aside and climbed next to her. She raised her eyes at him, then she raised the book too to show him.
"Chekhov?" Kit surprised, and he placed his hand to the top of the book to check again. "I thought you read The Seagull already... years ago." 
"I did. Several times." Em nodded, but he still doesn't understand. "But never in the view of Nina." she elbowed and turned to him. "I mean I want to understand her deeply. Her deepest emotions. Why she made those choices, why she ... felt that way." 
"You take it very seriously," he stated.
"When I am not. You know me. I love to sink in my characters. I did it with Daenerys too. I reread Game of Thrones several times too. All books. Because that is how I can give the audience what they want. They expect something, and I know... I also want to see a faithful adaptation on screen or on stage when I watch something like it. So I don't want to disappoint the audience." she explained.
"The audience loves you. I mean.. they even loved you when you massacred a whole city in Thrones." he laughed a bit, but she can't share that laugh. She lowered her head. That fact about Daenerys still hurt her from the bottom of her heart. She still hated that script, and she still felt that thing so nonsense. "I am sorry. I mean..."
"I know." she smiled a bit and caressed his arm. "I know what you mean. I think I never get over my disappointment about that. That is all." she shrugged her shoulders. "Anyway..." she sighed "I want to go through this book again. I want to understand Nina more and the rehearsals are so close, and I am going to India next week so I won't have any more time to reread it." 
"Clarke, you are not trying to say that my presence is bothering you, right?" Kit raised his brow. 
"I am just saying... let me read." she turned back to the book. 

"Maybe you were not even kidding about the thing you said to your mother. That spending some time alone will be good for us."  he leaned to his back and he was just teasing her. 
"To be honest it was true in a way or another," she answered with some hesitation, and Kit surprised. He was just kidding and he did not expect that kind of answer. He turned to her again so questioningly. "I mean. I love to be with you." she smiled at him. "I love to spend my free time with you, my days. I love that we are together but... since we are together ... " she was trying to explain her feelings. "Since when we are together, I just can't focus on my roles. My job. My... carrier. I ... when you are around I want to give my whole attention to you and... sometimes I feel we want to make up for the wasted years behind us. Despite those years were not wasted at all." she saw how his mood changed, and he became a bit sad. "Kit. I ... " she sighed and sat up on the bed. "Do not misunderstand me please." she bit her lower lip. He followed her moves, and he sat up too. "You are my life and I've never been that happy. I've never been that happy in my personal life." she placed her hand to his face.
"But you always prepared for your roles alone. Without any distractions." he looked disappointed. 
"Or with you. If you remember you were quite a big help when you explained the whole Star Wars universe to me. Which you know quite well despite the fact that you don't even really like it." she giggled but this time he was the one who can't laugh with her. "That is why I made a joke about it yesterday at dinner too. I know you're going to react this way." she lowered her head. "It is not against you not against us. There is nothing wrong with us, and I still love you, and those moments, days... even weeks with you are the best in my life. But... my carrier is important too, and I want to ... want to shine there on the stage. I always wanted that. To be in the West End and is an amazing chance. A wonderful and never coming back opportunity." she continued. "If I screw up... maybe I never get another chance to be on stage." she frowned. "And that is what I want to do. Not huge movies, blockbusters. No. I want to be on stage. In the theatres where my father used to work. Where I spent my childhood." her eyes were shining so much when she was talking about that. He knew how important is theatre to her. He was watching her face, her expressions while she was talking, and he just loved her even more, if that was possible. 

"Not to mention I don't want to travel and spend months away from you or from my family in the future. If I'll get more jobs in theatres here... we can have a quite normal life, a normal family, we can raise our children in a normal way." she narrowed her eyes, and waited for his answer. His reaction. His eyes are rounded, and finally he smiled a bit. He looked at her with so much love in his eyes. "So if I succeed with Nina ..."
"I love you." Kit cut her words, and leaned closer, then he just pressed his lips to her lips so tightly. 
"So are we clear? You are not mad, not dissapointed..." Emilia asked him kindly. 
"I get it." Kit nodded again. "And for you to see how much I don't have problem with it, I go and make some dinner for you." he kissed her forehead then jumped up from the bed. Emilia was looking at him and just smiled. He changed a lot. Both of them changed a lot. They did not make debates about small things. They learned to understand each other much more than before. They were in sync and not just in bed. Not just in sex. No. That was the past. Years ago they were making jokes about dissenting opinions, but as a couple they can't do it anymore. They had to learn handle those, and it seemed they did. 
"Hey!" She stopped him before he could leave the room. 
"Yes?" He looked back at her from the doorway.
"I ... I love you Kitten." 

Hours passed this way, and she sank in the book. When she raised her head up she saw it darkened outside outside. Kit left her in the room, and did not check her again during that afternoon. She had to admit she started to worry. Maybe he lied, and he offended by her words. It would have not been a suprise. Sometimes he took her words too seriously. She sat up on the bed and stretched herself. She raised her phone to check her missed calls or messages. She muted it for reason, but there was nothing. Everyone was busy with the upcoming holidays, and she felt joy because they are going to leave the country and even the continent. She needed that break before the new year starts with this new role. She stood up and walked downstairs. She glanced to the kitchen, but Kit was not there. The dinner was ready and the sink was empty. He even took out the garbage. She went to the fridge and opened it. There was a jug there filled with lemonade and a note was on it. A heart and an "E" in the middle of it. Sometimes Kit was too good to be true. She poured a glass of lemonade for herself and walked to the living room. He was there, sitting on the couch. Reading some scripts. The TV was on but it was muted. She walked closer and put her glass to the table, and snuggled closer to him, put her arms around his waist and placed her chin to his shoulder. She remained in silence, and waited for him to finish reading. She just told him how much she hates when anyone disturbs her when she is trying to learn, and she felt ashamed becuse she is doing the same with him. She squirmed, sighed, took a deep breath. Kit tried to hide his smile. He was playing with her and her patience, especially after the fact she sent him away a couple of hours ago. He turned the page and continued reading. Emilia leaned closer and gave a kiss to his face. 

"So you finished, and now you you expect me to put it down too because you have time for me?" Kit raised his brow and looked into her eyes.
"So you are offended. I guessed." she was looking at him with bambi eyes.
"No Clarke, I am not. But as many other things." he placed the script to the table. "That is a back and forth thing too." he leaned closer to her and their lips almost met but he stopped before he could touch her soft and full lips. "I gave you time to read, now I need some time too." he whispered to her mouth. 
"You had as much time as I had." she knelt down to the couch and wanted to close the gap between their lips but he pulled his head back from her. 
"No babe. That is not true. If you failed to notice, I made dinner for you. Lemonade. There are some tea there too. And I only sat down to read barely an hour ago." he enlighted her. 
"So you want me to leave you alone?" Emilia put her leg around him, and placed herself to his lap. They were facing with each other. 
"You are bad. And right now you are a bit selfish." Kit smirked and put a hairpin behind her ear. 
"That hurts." Emilia pulled a funny face. "Because you know I am not." he pushed him to lean back on the sofa and she finally kissed him, then she placed her face to his chest and he put his arms around her. "And I don't want anything else. I just wanted a small little kiss." she admitted. 
"I filfull this wish anythime." Kit caressed her back and kissed the top of her head.
"You can tell me if you are .. hurt because of my words. I did not want to hurt you." she was caressing his chest.
"I am not. I understand. I just love to tease you." he laughed a bit and Emilia raised her head up and looked at him. "You should see your face." 
"I hate you." Emilia pulled a cute face.
"I know honey, I know." Kit was still laughing and he pulled her face closer to kiss her again.