I Can't Let You Go

Commitment

"Do you... want anything? Drink or..." Emilia asked him, but he did not answer, just stepped to her, and kissed her finally. She placed her arms around his neck and returned the kiss. 
"I wanted this. Just this." he smiled at her and caressed her cheek. "And I am sorry... If I said or did anything ..."
"You did nothing," Emilia answered and smiled a bit. She kissed his palm. "I was scared, and ... led down on you." she admitted. 
"I should have understood how hard it is for you." Kit sighed. 
"It seems, we both realized that... we should have handled the situation differently." Emilia smiled a bit. 
"You can thank this to Sara." Kit took a deep breath. 
"Ahm... Jack's..." Emilia frowned and she needed some minutes until she realized what he was talking about. 
"Yeah." he nodded and laughed a bit. "It did not help you, that I kept saying ... that how much I want this and... how I'd support you if you..."
"I know you would." Emilia placed her hand on his face. "And that means... you have no idea how happy I am ... because I have you. Because you are... who you are," she told to his face. "Maybe Lola was right and I just..." she lowered her head. "a child is an irreversible commitment, and..." she turned her back at Kit, and started to walk to the couch. "maybe that is why it scared me that much." she sat down, but Kit did not understand. He followed her and sat next to her. 
"I don't understand." Kit shook his head. 
"I love you, Kit. And..." she tried to tell him her feelings, without hurting him. Without getting into another debate. "I've already told you that I could never have imagined that to live together with anyone. Except you. I refused you for years, refused your love because I was afraid of commitments. I ... I didn't really think about it until Lola mentioned it today." she sighed. "Maybe she is right." Em shrugged her shoulder. "When I ... thought that I am pregnant... I thought I ...drown. And ... not just because it is not the right time." she couldn't look into his eyes. 
"But... when we were talking about it... I thought ... Em, I still don't understand, what do you want to say." he started to worry. 
"You are the best thing in my life Kit. Really. And I ... think this seriously. Our life together, that someday I would like to marry you and have children with you. But I am not ready now for all of those things." she raised her emerald eyes to him, and there were tears in those eyes. "And I know you are and ... that makes this so hard... I know you'd marry me even tomorrow... but I... and I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you because of it, but... " she tried to talk. "I just hope... it doesn't change your mind about us."

"Emilia Isabelle Euphemia Rose Clarke." Kit looked into her eyes. "I waited for you for years. I never loved anyone, the way I love you. If you want to stay just my girlfriend forever... I don't mind it either. I just want to be with you. With or without marriage. With... or without children." he swallowed. "I don't think I'd ever been able to leave you." he smiled at her. 
"Liar." Em made a face and teased him.
"It is not a lie." Kit shook his head and kissed her lips. Pulled her closer to his arms. "And If you push me away again, I'll return. Again and again." he smiled and caressed her head. 
"I won't." she snuggled close to his chest. 
"We should go to bed. I assume your plane leaves early in the morning." Kit caressing her back.
"No. Just in the afternoon." she raised her head. 

"Did you mind it?" she raised her head and looked into his eyes in the morning. 
"Mind what?" Kit frowned.
"That you've stayed." she lowered her head and caressed his chest. "I mean..."
"You mean spent the night with you... just so we slept?" Kit laughed. "You know I am not with you because of the amazing sex rides right?" he asked her, but he couldn't stop smiling. 
"I hoped so." Emilia giggled. "Not to mention my period arrived. Finally." she sighed. 
"Promise me while you were away, you pay attention to your meals." Kit held her close.
"I try. I promise. I don't do this...deliberately. There are just many thoughts in my head. And..."
"I know." he kissed her forehead. "But it is not healthy. And we both know you should pay more attention to it." he caressed her back. 
"You are right." she sighed. 
"You know you'll be away on your birthday, right?" Kit asked her.
"Do not even mention it." Em rolled her eyes. "Lola warned me that I will not escape. She is planning some party on Friday when I'll be back."
"I know. She wrote me a message about it." Kit admitted.
"Just ..." Emilia elbow next to him "don't organize a huge party. Please." she looked into his eyes. "I am sure I'll be tired as hell." 
"If I organized it... It would be only you and me and some candlelight dinner." Kit answered.
"That would be the best," she admitted and kissed him. 
"It's your fault. You have too many friends," he whispered to her mouth.
"I am irresistible." she giggled.
"That is true." he sighed and caressed her cheek. "I cannot resist you either."