You Were My Light

TRiGGERiNG RANT - 30 SEPT. 2021

IT'S ONE THING TO PUT IN A TRIGGER WARNING FOR FICTIONAL STORIES BUT THIS SHIT IS REAL.

THESE ARE FROM REAL EVENTS IN MY LIFE, MY PAST, AND THERE IS SENSITIVE CONTENT HERE.

IF YOU DON'T CARE, THAT'S FINE. BUT DO NOT COMMENT IF YOU DO NOT CARE. JUST PASS ON BY AND LEAVE THIS BE.

A lot of things are going on in my life right now.

Especially missing some of the most important people in my life. My stepMum in 2018 was killed by being run over by a bus, my Dad in 2019 (seven months, 25 days later) was killed in a motorcycle vs an older 4WD, in 2020 my Gran died of cancer that the Drs didn't pick up until WAAAY too late (staff in her nursing home dismissed her symptoms as it was during covid but also she didn't let them know the full extent of the pain she was in).

Amongst the main deaths I've been trying to cope with there have also been 19 others who I know PERSONALLY who are also dead (none of them to covid).

My Universe by Coldplay x BTS x Supernova 7 x DJ Lafrique

This song has made me bawl my eyes out because it's about being together. That we are all different and unique and special and INDIVIDUAL only means we could be stronger together.
The saying UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL has never had more meaning to me than now.

Please. Listen to this song that (to me) symbolises strength, unity, togetherness and being human - together in this really really shitty time when we are all isolated even further away from each other.

SONG/ARTIST: My Universe - Coldplay x BTS x Supernova7

Isolation has nearly killed me a few times literally and everything seems so much harder than it should be.

I know "should" is a very negative word since it implies I am never good enough.. for me or anyone else, and I am supposed to try and exchange it with words like "ought" "could" "would" "might" "try" etc. and right now I'm not able to do that.

I'm really not dealing with not even being able to go and visit my Dad and stepMum's graves because they are over 9 hours away (by CAR) and we have had things like a 5 Kilometer range to be able to "legally" travel within. Me losing my job. TWICE.

SONG/ARTIST: Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver
Cover By: Bass Singer, Geoff Castellucci

^^^ This is one of the two songs played at my Dad's funeral in March 2019. The other was Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac.

SONG/ARTIST: Save Me by BTS

Even though I try to leave really positive comments on peoples stories or am reading more than writing right now because of my writers block (read this as: lack of desire to live because I am very not coping with life), it's very much the opposite to how I feel. I am broken and I am not able to come up with a word that is strong enough to describe the depth of heartbreak and sadness I feel.