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Anyway lol
Starting with last Monday, I was put in a group with 3 boys in my class
And they decided to start talking about No Nut November? And how long they lasted?!! I just sat there in shock, like did they forget I was sitting right next to them?! 💀😂
I heard so much more than I wanted to hear 🥲
I just can't believe they were so open when I was right there??!!?!
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Nothing else memorable happened until Thursday :(
Thursday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time T_T My streak of days without a panic attack broke that day and it was really bad :)
Spanish was my second class of the day, and I was already dreading it because I knew we were getting specific spots in the classroom so I couldn't sit with my friends anymore (which was literally the only good thing about Spanish class because I hate it with a burning passion)
We had a substitute that day and she told us where to sit, and I sat at one end next to Blanc (luckily), and the first thing the substitute does is make us introduce ourselves in Spanish
We've literally never had any kind of presentation or oral work in front of the entire class before, so some alarms were going off in my head already but I thought whatever, it's just three short lines about myself, I'll find a way to push through and I did
Then she opens up the Spanish book and tells us that we're gonna read a part out loud each?? And obviously I think "no fucking way", and she looks at me first like she wants me to start and I just kinda shake my head (like I always do when I'm pushed too hard, and the teachers always understand), so she read it up herself instead
After she finishes reading the text to us, she writes down three more (longer, complicated) sentences for us to answer out loud in front of the class, and again, I think "no fucking way"
I was at the edge so she looked at me for me to start, so again, I shake my head at her
And she just kept looking at me, like she wanted me to continue, so I shake my head again
I think even people passing the classroom who had no idea what was going on could see how terrified I was at that moment, so how she didn't see it (or just didn't care) is beyond me
My eyes are huge at this point, I can only imagine how scared I look, I'm desperately squeezing and rubbing my hands together to stop myself from shaking or running away, and I was doing my absolute best to hold back tears
I shook my head at her THREE FUCKING TIMES before Blanc saved me and took over and answered instead
So I left the classroom and found T in the library (she left after the first round of talking) with another friend from a different class, and I sat for several minutes just taking deep, shaky breaths to try to calm myself because I was right on the edge of a panic attack
