The title sounds really dramatic but I was really just quoting "I Want it That Way" lmfao
I was gonna post last night but I didn't even get to my bed until 1 a.m. and I was too exhausted to write XD
Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind for me lmao
two or three days ago, I suddenly got a notification that I was added to a Messenger group, and I was really shocked because it was a group of Amalie's friend group (I was already in one of their groups but this one was a little more exclusive lol)
I was added by the one girl I thought didn't like me lmao, and she invited us all to her house yesterday for a "taco night" :D
My mind was still in a kinda dark place after that one day I had a panic attack over people not believing me and me being a burden and all that XD
So I was extremely nervous the ENTIRE day, I seriously couldn't do anything that entire day because I had this awful feeling in my stomach and it wouldn't get out of my head
At some point I legit just laid in my bed and thought (which is dangerous, because my thoughts were very dark that day lmao)
I even had a tiny panic attack at some point, and I made the decision that if I could catch a ride with my friends then I would go, but if not, I was just gonna stay home (I didn't tell my friends this though lol)
I can't back out if I have plans with a friend, so whether or not I was going or not, was dependent on if I was going with a friend or not XD I knew I wouldn't be able to go if I was going alone, I wouldn't even make it out of the house lmao
But T offered to pick me up, so I ended up going anyway :D We were 8 people altogether, which is way more than I'm comfortable with lol so I didn't talk very much, but the fact that I was there at all is pretty big so I'm gonna take it as a win! XD
We ate tacos and just talked for the longest time, and then we all took a walk with the dog of the girl who invited us :D I was walking with Amalie, and I had a big brain moment 😌😂
Amalie and I always talk about how when making tacos, you need to start with the sour cream and we had a long discussion about this with the other girls who didn't agree with us
So while Amalie and I walked together, I made the best comparison
You put tomato sauce on your pizza first, right? You don't put tomato sauce on top of all the toppings lol, it's the same thing with tacos! XD
Or with sandwiches, you put butter, mayo, whatever on first, and not after you've already put your cheese and stuff on, right?! IT'S THE SAME THING 🤣
We were both quiet for a second before the realization of how good my point was hit us
And then we kept making jokes about how I had a big brain moment 😂
Come on guys, that was a very good point! XDD Sour cream goes on the tacos first, that's just how it is, I don't make the rules 🤷♀️😂
Anywho, when we came back we all played boardgames together lol
Though we got bored after a while and went back to talking XD
Everyone kept wondering if anything interesting had happened in our lives recently, but we all live relatively boring lives so we had nothing to tell lmao
So they started talking about boys, and I should've seen this coming... XD
Every time we start talking about how sad our love lives are, Amalie always says something like "Kaitlin literally does nothing but attracts all the guys" so of course everyone got curious and started asking questions and it was so embarrassing XD THANKS, AMALIE XD
I attract all the creeps though lmao so that's not really anything to brag about >3> 😂
The whole time we were playing boardgames and talking, we had a throwback playlist playing in the background
My favorite part of the entire night was when "I Want it That Way" by Backstreet Boys came on and we all sang along so intently XDD
R, Amalie and I even quoted the scene from Brooklyn Nine Nine lolol
^ classic scene 👌😂
Our conversation got kinda dark at some point though lol, because apparently my old teacher was in an abusive relationship and I had absolutely no idea about this
We were told that she went on vacation or something back in 7th grade, but she was really in court... And apparently her abusive boyfriend committed suicide while she was in court too
She was my teacher for three years and I didn't know this, and I never suspected that someone as happy and cheerful as her was going through something so horrible... T_T
T said that the teacher would always say things like "I'm so grateful for being able to come to school and see you guys every day", and that phrase hurts so much when you know the real reason behind it... School was probably her escape... SHE'S SUCH A WONDERFUL WOMAN, SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS
On top of that, apparently there was this girl that moved away right before I moved here and she literally got picked up by the police in the middle of the night and never came back
Apparently her dad was abusive or pedophilic or something and she would always come to school with bruises and marks... I can't believe anyone would want to do something so horrible, especially to such a young child and to YOUR OWN DAUGHTER
I hope she's happy now T_T
Also, that girl's dad was also the dad to the guy who worked at my school and who liked me back in 8th grade
It's not weird that he turned out like that when his own dad was that horrible T_T
Anywho, we talked about abusive relationships and how it fucks with your mind so bad that you can't even bring yourself to tell anyone about it because you think no one will believe you and you fear your partner so much and all that XD
I think it stuck in my mind because I had a strange dream last night XD
It had nothing to do with abusive relationships, but there was a person who desperately wanted me dead for some reason
I kept trying to tell my friends but no one would believe me and no one would help me, and I kept avoiding that person as much as possible but he always seemed to find me T_T I keep dreaming that people are out to get me lmfao, I hope it's not a sign that there's someone out there who wants me dead XD
The worst part was when I was laying in my bed (in my dream lol) and the door to my bedroom was locked, but I heard someone trying to break in
I panicked and hid under my bed, and the person who wanted to kill me walked in
He saw that the bed was empty and he was so angry for not being able to kill me that he just started stabbing the mattress (he had brought a knife T_T)
...anywho lol, I hope you guys are having a great weekend :D
I just wanna end by saying that I'm listening to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan and I'm willing to bet everything I own that I'm gonna cave in and watch Mulan again soon XD
I've been thinking so much about Mulan, The Princess and the Frog and Beauty and the Beast lately, I just know that I'm gonna have to watch them soon 😩
Same with Tangled, because now I wanna cry to the "you were my new dream" part again lmao
Here you go, we all need a little Mulan music in our daily lives:
