Release

Little Ghost

3 AM

Imagine, a family, a word held so highly. Is it just me, or do yours lie to you constantly? Have yours wished death upon you blindly? Childhood suffocation through manipulation? Threats given if you question their, "good intentions". "No one loves you more than me." They will say, to keep your heart at bay for the stabbing.

Family.

Family.

Family.

I keep repeating this word until it sounds differently or becomes meaningful to me.

I feel betrayed at birth, and of course others have had worse. Just as I, no mother or father figure in that family picture that I keep chasing in my head.

Now in my mind, the ones who fed and raised me to be more like them. This illusion they present to the outside is a corrupting delusion. When your enemies are all around, you start to feel like the bad guy.

"Why?"

Why so hateful to someone you won't give the time to know?

You go to church and say you pray to God, but your mind is completely faded in fog.

I know I can't change you and help you to see, to see anything, to see the reality you've created for yourself and for me.

Built on your threats and fears that you've injected into my life.

I'll be chasing this word, "Family" until the day I die.

I speak so calmly when you're angry.

Angry because we have different opinions?

I don't agree with your behaviour, and you blame me for it?

You blame me for your lack of self control when you explode I hold strong and stand still.

Where my calmness is fuel for your fire.

I'll watch you burn, and burn yourself down until you're nothing, because your problems with yourself have nothing to do with me.

Your rage is internal.

You fear my stability in the storm that you've created.

Your soul is rotted.

You're your own ruin.

I can hardly pity you for what you've done and how you've treated me.

From flesh and bone, just another human.

I'm looking for happiness, dreaming, trying to find my purpose, and you're still stuck on that big question I ask you often.

"Why?"

Why don't you leave me alone?

I've asked you before, and you keep coming looking for something from me.

I'll never play your games of hate.

Pushing the darkness deeper inside of me.

My presence has become defying towards you.

Why am I still here?

"Hasn't he had enough of our hate, aggression, and lack of self control?"

They are lost forever.

Suffering from their own demise.

You can see it in your eyes.

You're lost, and your God can't save you now, as you plead your God's name. Begging for mercy at Heaven's gate. I'm certain you're not called back upon. You've chosen your path already, and it's deadly.

Imagine just being nice for once in your life, where it doesn't have to benefit you? Feeding on other's misery, fuelling your uncontrollable rage. Well, soon enough the devil will have his way. You've listened to his whispers long enough, you've been his puppet of hate, but he hates you too.

So, you'll burn, and burn in a fiery blaze for eternity.

You'll laugh and criticize my words, and say that I've wished you ill. But, only a fool in rage wouldn't have realized this is your own doing. Your own choice. Your finite life was a test of faith for the infinite.

Eternity.

Everlasting.

Flames will consume your mind before that bright light.

Forever.