Release

Only Human

Will I always be sick?

To have to accept this life, the loneliness of this vessel that has only been met with the undependability of a warmth that waits in the past. The cursed thoughts of a noose around my neck, blood draining from my wrists and into my palms while listening to the most beautiful song, a sweet sounding heaven of my dormant state where my mindlessness rushes to the end with a glittering rainbow splatter of a bullet through my cortex.

The distractions are my medicine. A glowing screen with pretty faces that have an empty soul just like I do. The touch of a caring soul that holds my empty vessel while I'm trapped in my mind. A voice to soothe the constant chatter, calming with the remedy of your familiar frequency. I hunger for anything to hold my attention, but not with an empty investment. I want a future where I'll cherish a made-up purpose in time just for me.

Why must the thought of my own death be so beautiful to be?
I really want to know what happens afterward.
It's not a big deal.
Just another one,
basking in the sun.
It's weird to be a human.
Death is all around us,
it's all I hear about,
we're all so obsessed with death,
and it never gets old,
or normal to me.
It's always a horrible surprise,
but, mine seems so sweet.
Where knowing if my success or failure will forever be a mystery is more fulfilling than it ever becoming a failure.
To dream a beautiful dream without ever knowing if it will ever come true.
Perhaps I'll leave that to the infinite alternate Kols that can relive this experience.
One of them must succeed in fulfilling their dreams.
Maybe they are counting on me..
Am I suicidal if I imagine my own death in such a wonderful moment?
I don't like this place very much.
Everything is going the wrong way, even the, "good" things hold all the darkness of a future where all ends.
The violence, the suffocating lack of control that governments seem to have over the people, the idolization of self, the blinding ego of superficial desire. We're such animals. The innocent souls that are taken by force, the irresponsible parents creating a life that'll need a miracle to find a future that isn't emptiness.
Why did they abandon me?
Talking to myself is the best company I've known, and only when I pass onto the next, I'll be forever beyond this vessel. I won't be able to talk to myself anymore. All I'll be is an empty vessel, with no heart that beats, no blood to flow so beautifully, no imagination to dream of a utopian world this could have been.

To be human in this sedated society is to endure the greatest illness that any life has ever been bound to, there's no escape when the conscious mind knows that everyone around you is empty, being tugged along on a rope of illusion that promises good fortune at the end. Sedate yourself now, and find your freedom at the end. While most are a source of food for the parasites that play god. Stay ignorant.

The beautiful sunset that once kissed my face is met with a sky of lonely fire.