I'm lacking the words to describe my evolving feelings and connection that I have with my consciousness and Mother Earth. Time travel, a double edged sword, as everyone around you is dying so quickly, and has no clue of anything. One by one, they all disappear before you. The silence that kills, to have the desire to meet unspoken darkness, to be shown the the most terrifying things you could never possibly imagine, and to over come that. To be mentally invulnerable, so one could over come the greatest of all emptiness. The emptiness that I feel, the empathy that goes beyond all forgiveness. I wish I was normal, I wish I had a normal life, but I'm stuck in this body, and it's the only chance I'll ever get. I've been swimming all my life, and it comes a point, when you ask yourself, "I'm am I drowning?"
I tell myself in fetal position, gazing into the abyss,
"Surrender", whispering to myself gently. "Surrender.... Surrender.... Surrender...."
Over and over again, I tell myself this..
I question why I do my best to eat healthy, I to not give in.. I ask myself why I don't drink, "Maybe it would make you happy" Marijuana? Maybe it would make you happy. I know if I did, everything would fall below me. I have nothing, but myself. That's why. I don't have a home. I don't have a family. If I drank, where would I be?
Dead?
Lost forever?
To never have a family?
The amount of times I cried as kid, with tears cascading over my mouth, screaming furiously, "I WANT A FAMILY!" The most fierce roar of desperation to be heard.
But, nothing..
Nothing changed..
I cried, and cried, and shouted at the heavens as if God punished me at birth.
A fierce little lion, like Simba.
But, Simba died.
Everything became quiet.
There was no more roar,
but the churning thoughts of hopelessness,
of emptiness, of an anger that could destroy my universe. But, I know what it feels like.
Eventually, those tears became less.
To the point of where I forget what crying for myself feels like, to cry for hope.
To realize that I'd give up anything, any part of me, just know what it feels like. I'd sacrifice everything.
Damn.
YOU ARE READING
Release
PoesíaThis is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxi...
