I find that I have good faith, or trust in people far too often. In this world of money where people hold money as the only thing that motivates them, I have to realize that people cannot be trusted to this, even services. I've often been charitable in this past year, due to my further understanding of life and value of humility, and that all could use a helping hand. I am someone who isn't so often stirred by money, but the morals of others is what moves me. The savagery that exists during my time in Spain suggests such trickery or greed of money, that I have seemingly been a victim to. It's sad that such things exist, as I truly do like to help people. I know the sadness or stresses that one can feel under stressful times, but I feel that in the future these sort of encounters will be more common, and people will be more hungry to take all that they can from you. I need to be less trusting, far less trusting, perhaps to have no trust at all. The people who truly do need, & those who only wish to take from others will both lose. We all lose. It's a sad reality. As inflation increases, the savagery for money will increase, the scams more frequent and in places that you wouldn't expect them to be. Your once familiar places, will change with time, they will become darker, and less familiar. I will need to be more careful who I trust, as eventually it could mean risking my life. I have put myself in very vulnerable positions while entrusting others, to almost being killed in Mexico, to trusting strangers online with house hopping, to wandering off to foreign lands to meet someone that's invited me. I've experienced good, and bad in all directions, in all colours. It draws a very fine line of good and bad, & in all honesty, I feel quite lucky with the amount of risk that I've taken. HOWEVER, with all these good tidings come a more blind trust towards other people, especially when going from one culture, to another culture, from one place that could be more honest and moral, to a culture that will be more selfish and conniving. From my relatively short time in Spain I've found out greatly that this is an extremely distrustful society. People won't make eye contact with you, will avoid all confrontation, will avoid being near you. I've been told from colleagues in the past that Europe is a very antisocial place, & that people are extremely weary of strangers. Even this creates a much more selfish society and divide. In Canada these scams are quite nonexistent, or nothing that I've seen as plainly as they exist here, BECAUSE YOUR BOY WAS SCAMMED, when I just thought I was doing the right thing. I don't really care that I was scammed, or taken advantage of, as I learned a new lesson, and as far as the amount of money that I've lost since being here surpasses what I was scammed, I don't mind at all. I learned from it, as I was never scammed like this before. A first timer. I didn't simply give my money to a beggar in the streets pleading their case of lies, but manipulated into believing a story! Which I did believe, as again.. I'm a first timer. :c Here's how it went; being observant as I am, I noticed this man under 'distress' running around truly aimlessly, but in my mind I didn't take his aim into consideration, I simply saw the man under stress. Later he approaches me, with a passport in hand, cash in hand, boarding passes in hand, all of which I now wish I had checked out of curiosity. Not to mention he had a suitcase as well, the perfect image of a traveller under high pressures, or acted the part too perfectly, almost as if he was an NPC from a game, the perfect image to manipulate my my in that spontaneous moment of my vulnerability and sponge mind ready to take in all unfamiliar information. He was emotional, and seemingly panicking, but as this guy was in his mid 40's or so, he's had plenty of practice in such business of acting. Yet even now as I look back, I was being so passively manipulated with his attire, that I couldn't resist helping such a convincing appeal. Even now, I have suspicions of this individual that I've helped a couple times, no with money, but normal assistance of watching her things. What if she just wants me to entrust her with WATCHING MY THINGS, so she can vanish. I've also had the idea that I need to be weary of myself being beyond security, anyone could walk up to me if I slept and steal my loot! Carrying on with this story, this man pleaded his case that he just missed his flight, and that his sister had passed over without him, and that there's an earlier flight in the morning that he can buy RIGHT THIS MOMENT from a kiosk. Now with myself involved in his story, I'm now brought to believe another character, HIS SISTER! My goodness, the stress he must feel that his sister has left without him. How does that even happen? Who the heck goes through security without their travel buddies? A very odd situation. However, I felt sympathy for this man in the moment, and all he needed was €64 to buy that ticket and be shortly reunited with his sister. He kept going on and on trying to convince me and please his thankfulness, saying that I saved his life. Not to mention, he had a Canadian trinket on his bag, which was probably 50% of his manipulation. I was swooned as soon as I saw that. Also, he's from Greece, supposedly, and his condition wasn't too bad, as I've seen plenty of dodgy folks around. Perhaps the man laying down to me is also a scammer of sorts, a loiterer waiting for his moment to steal my loot! As this guy kept jabbering on, I basically told him that I didn't want to hear his story, and his drowning me in his attempt to convince me as I was lured deeper and deeper into believing in him. I just opened my wallet and gave him my money and told him to go buy his flight. Another lovely option could have been for me to go with him to buy it with him. I basically gave this man $94 Canadian. A very high investment of curiosity to see what would happen, if his sister would contact me and transfer me the money online, or that the number he gave me is really him. I didn't really trust him, nor did I care, but I decided to flip a coin and see if it was true or not. I rested on the fence with my thoughts and pondered the series of events, finding them truthful, but also very curious, as I was still doubtful of it all. Again, the highest price I've ever paid for my curiosity. Though, about 2 hours later, a woman runs by me, distressed just as the man earlier was. I noticed that she was asking a woman that I helped earlier with the vending machine, who has also seemingly raised my suspicions, with her pile of collections and very warm winter clothing piled upon a chair. PERHAPS SHE'S A PATIENT MASTERMIND OF CONNING, waiting for me to be utterly vulnerable. She even asked me what time my flight was, and of course I gave her such intel to see what she would do with it, as she will patiently wait for me to fall asleep, WHICH I WILL NOT! Eventually I wander off to ask a question, keeping a high watch on my possessions in the distance, always looking back, again and again. This woman that I recently saw running by in such distress, then asks me panicking, "Do you speak English?" Carrying on the conversation, she gives me a sigh of relief and says, "Oh thank goodness.. I'm from Greece and I missed my flight and I need another 50 odd Euros." In this moment, I responded with, "Ah, sorry. I've already just helped someone earlier.." (perhaps they are a couple) In this moment my brain was like, "HOLD UP." My curiosity has been fulfilled. These people here are so damn creative, and emotionally manipulating, it's great. Was it worth $94? Probably not, but at least it inspired me to write, and it has made me more conscious of such trickery that exists in these times of war and inflammation. NOW, to mention these moments of money donating that I've done in the past week. So much money to be donated, it's lovely. I've become quite desensitized or let's say, charitable in this past month. Or, really ever since I acquired a whole boat load of empathy from psychedelics. From my willingness to pay for things, from donating my coins to the children on the streets that have just been instructed by their parents to leech, from my recent experience with a lovely gentleman named Jorge. In Canada, or maybe it's just me, it's a much more trusting society, a much more ethical society where ways of reason can often outweigh the laws when given reason. I'm a man of humility and ethics. A person who forgives easily, and often gives in to the same tricks even though I know they are tricks, but I want to find out if they are tricks or not because the only way to find out if they are tricks or not is to fall for the tricks! So, I allow myself to willingly fall for such tricks, BECAUSE my hungry curiosity must be fulfilled. That's my purpose, to fill my curiosity and empathize with others and be taken advantage of, from the honest and the selfish. Now, allow me to be the gullible guy I am, so trusting of these humans that act so kindly and convincingly. Again, I'm on the line with my trust, & I know that I've been lucky with it, however it's often safe to trust those that give you a lot of their time, involve their friends, family, everything into their story, like Natalia. My new best friend and partner in crime from Colombia that was so kind to invite me after we had been practicing English/Spanish together in language exchange, little did I know that we'd get along so well, and that she'd actually be the first person to truly take care of me, emotionally, and physically, BY MAKING ME FOOD OF COURSE. A worthy risk and investment of my time and emotion. Perhaps one of my luckiest endeavours thus far, stay tuned. That's one example of a very positive experience, of myself taking risks, literally risking my life as I could have been chucked into a ditch by her at any moment and my organs would be sold for a few hundred grand, but here I am. Yippee, alive and well, but given some long lasting tonsillitis that made me sick for more than half of the time I was in Colombia from drinking the water that they all drink, and they were all sick. CuRiOuSssss. It didn't kill me though, not yet anyway, so.. We can say that this was a bountiful expedition, and I'm very thankful for Natalia. She's a keeper. BACK TO JORGE, grrrrr. Given my past experiences with people of Airbnb, I've always been able to get refunds for early cancellations, even when I haven't met them, or anything of a sort. They follow a moral code of ethics, which I admire and expect from my fellow man. I was in the lovely city of Granada, a very Spanish and proud place. People keep bringing up the word xenophobia ever since I've been in Spain, & that Spaniard folk are a very proud people. During my time in Granada I visited every English language school looking for a job, most of which didn't actually have a person that could speak English, nor the willingness to put the effort in hiring a Canadian as myself, & to help me acquire working visa papers. I would be a lovely investment to their company, I'm sure, but none of them are there to actually teach English, but to hang about I suppose. Now, in this exact moment, the case between Jorge and I continues. Perhaps to display of it publicly isn't the best thing to do, though a worthy lesson of life. Again, based around the, "Don't trust anyone" topic, especially with money. It's strange how money holds such power to people, they will do anything for money, the most unethical things, the most morally depleting things. Perhaps in my mind I desire a kind of utopia and often let my hopes for people outweigh reality. After my quick let down at all English academies in the city, I decided that I'd call upon a friend who had mentioned that I could stay at their place as I search for a job. This is again, someone from the internet, where I meet everyone. Usually it's been for language exchange or cultural curiosity or to simply pass the time of my curiosity for other people. I didn't really trust this individual, and had reason to not trust them in the past for their inconsistency, but they have invited me in the past, perhaps over a year ago, and found out I was in Spain, then encouraged me to come on over and that she'd help me look for a job, as she had done before. So, I'm this moment of relaying on the past information I was given, and the persistence and belief and willpower behind this person's voice was I instantly relieved at the realization that it would be helpful to finally accept this person's advice and help that they were offering. A person of success and good family, what's not to trust? Even though I have been led to distrust them in the past. During these vulnerable times of desperation in finding a job, as this entire trip was truly a desperate leap that I knew had a high potential to fail, THOUGH my curiosity needed to be affirmed. I know it's unwise to expect failure, but the probability was high that I would fail, but I took the risk anyway. I'm a risk taker. So, after my failing attempts at finding a job or anyone who was willing to hire me as these schools actually needed an English teacher but were unwilling, I decided to end my stay with Jorge earlier than what I paid for. MUCH earlier. I stayed about 22.5% of the total time I paid for, and asked for about 50% in return, where he'd still profit for my additional time that I didn't stay, and acquire customers after I left as well. A win for me, a win for him, everyone wins, a fair deal. However, when requesting a reservation change, he instantly accepted the change and instantly denied the offer for the partial refund. In this moment, my code of ethics was puzzled. Another risky move to trust a stranger who played so hospitable before, but when it came to the code of ethics, of a fair deal, to take it all in greed instead. Now, you can go ahead and rob me from my money, but to break the code of ethics, is a no go for me. That's a red flag. If you break the code of ethics with me, you become an enemy. Someone that I will take revenge upon, by making the trade fair no matter what. To make the money that you value so previously to break the code of ethics, for me to then take your time, and make what you took from me, not worth it. I will hunt you. Time is money, and I will take your time and cause you stress that is worth more than that money you took from me. I'm a bit of a vengeful spirit when it comes to these kinds of humility behaviours being broken. However, my mind can conjure all sorts of ideas, I must take the best and wisest course of action, to potentially foil them into their own demise, to stay silent and calm as they create all of the traps for me to use against them. To let them make mistakes. Luckily, my patience paid off, maybe. I'm still waiting on the appeal, but he definitely broke some code of conduct with me with his behaviour and aggression towards me. Which was all prior to my course of action that I took against him. Only until he instigated it, I then acted upon it. If he wins the case, he'll have profited around $570 from me, and I know he really wants these precious dollars. Which he definitely doesn't deserve. No no, now let me build this character for you. About 50 years old, lethargic and unhealthy upon his own doing from unhealthy habits, and a very forthright ego that will laugh at you at any chance he gets. He's a big papa, and will use all that he possibly can against you. A man who definitely doesn't like to lose, and is often successful in getting his own way. A worthy foe, a fierce competitor. After I made my request with him, and him denying it, I then brought up the code of ethics, and mentioned to him, "Good sir, that was a fair deal..." etc. He then mocked me, and explained that ethics don't exist here, ethics don't exist in the world. This is where, he become an enemy. I then placed this man with all of the other reasons why the world is dying, due to all of the greedy piggies like this man himself. THE STORY CONTINUES. He suggested that I bring it up with Airbnb, and I did, and I persisted. I went full intellectual Karen mode, using all that'll possibly could to plead my case. He then summons me by phone to come and speak with him, FACE TO FACE, because he's a man, & that's what MEN do. So, I decided to leave my sleepy hovel as my body has been full of antibiotics, jet lag, and walking more than 20kms a day. He challenges me to my lack of forthrightness and accuses me of having such cowardice! When I'm either away, or doing my best to sleep. A man to attempt to curate such weaknesses in others, but find none. A faltering tactic to those who are familiar with such basic manipulative tactics. An attempt to intimidate, to make a fool of me. Our conversation carries on, where ethics is brought up again, and for him to ridicule my mentality and to say that I have mental issues of some sort, clearly not the mental issues that he was mentioning, I have a different sort of mental that he is unaware of, and to then go ahead and flip me off with his sausage of a middle finger and smile sarcastically with his sluggish gaze. Of course as I'm now reflecting upon him somewhat rudely, in the time of the matter I was as cool as a cucumber, & his behaviour was completely unjustified, and he was being arrogant and impulsive as he let his ridicule for my desired ethics unleash the greedy piglet that's inside of him, but noticeable if you ponder upon his ambiance for a short time. Just like any greedy papa, you can quickly judge their arrogance and consuming character. Little did he know, I was recording him the entire time, as the Airbnb support person mentioned, paraphrasing, "I need proof of such events or they never happened." ~ Very helpful. Now, given that this individual was suggesting to help me, and me being in times desperate time to find a job, I was very willing to accept their offer and leave Granada behind. To go to a place that's more opportunistic and holds more promise and that was promoted by this individual who has made such promises in the past. I decided to trust this person, leave the Airbnb accept my loss of that sum of $500+ in hopes of further bounty, as my timeline was running this if I didn't find a job. I managed to leave the wonderful Jorge's nice and early, seeking a means of travel but ended up carrying my 70 lbs of loot over 2.5 kms as I sure was not paying for an Uber that costed €50 to take me to the bus terminal, as that was not worth it, and my curiosity to play with scammers is worth double that amount. Very wise Kol, very wise. I got to the bus with perfect timing, I arrived 10 minutes prior to its departure that was unknown to me. Was this a good omen? About 30 minutes later of informing this untrusted internet individual of such great promotion of Madrid, I was met with a response that deemed my invitation, canceled. I was then forwarded the offering to stay at a shared 4 bedroom hostel that would cost about €700 a month, which is around $1000 Canadian, which was far out of my budget due to my flawless efforts of tossing money around these past months. I enjoyed and was happy to spend all the money I had budgeted while in Colombia to make Natalia's and my time a joyous and enjoyable time, especially because I budgeted my time in Spain perfectly as well, with no room for error, although all that happened were errors. After these events, I pondered what I should do. I decided that I had made my attempt, a weak attempt at best and that I've been travelling long enough. I pondered upon purchasing a plane ticket back to Canada, and realized that that was the wisest option. I accepted defeat. It's time to return to my debt free lifestyle and patiently wait until my next risky endeavours. Perhaps next time I'll be less risky, and perhaps my desires to stay in Europe have ended. I much prefer these 3rd world countries that are more socially free, where one can do as he/she pleases if they have the will to do so, and are not stopped by rules or political/social ideals that limit one's ability to progress in the world. What a waste of time to play such games when much better and honest games are to be played. I miss being in China, and I think I've been searching for a place that represents Chinese culture since I left. They are an honest people, most of them. No beggars, no one would take extra money from you, a culture that simply wants to work as a collective and perform good services no matter it be making an awesome noodle dish or doing something well. (China is a much different place as of now) Of course there are bad beans everywhere, but man, Asian culture is where it's at, perhaps not all, but the respectfulness and wholesomeness that one experiences within Asian culture woos someone's soul.
I miss it.
A lot more has happened in recent times,
but that's all you're getting. ^-^
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YOU ARE READING
Release
PoetryThis is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxi...