Release

Meow

I lay so calmly, but the voices in my head are screaming so sadly, as my fists clench closer and closer together, I'm breaking forever. The cracks shed, as the light shines through me, still laying, but now so emptily. The energy is gone, as a sudden peace is holding me ever so gently. I can't see, but I can feel that I'm being held so closely. Still so distant with the lack of warmth bringing me so lonely. I dreamt of you last night, and the night before. You're becoming a real bedsore. I haven't been this happy and hopeful in many months, with my dreams bringing me a false sense of reality. I question reality itself, as if I were to not live for life, but to live for my dreams. A lonely life this would be indeed. On the other side of this door, it's what waits for me. To continuously close my eyes, begging for more. To see you once again before I end my day, I'll be holding your hands, I'll pull you in close, wrapped around me. Could this be the closest thing to love there will ever be? Your touch, so warm and so soft. So intimately. One on one, me and me. Blankets.

February 25th, 2019 - 5:15 AM

With my cat once again, my child, my teacher, my best friend. I've returned with my eyes wider open, further than ever before. Less of a child but a missing man. Like stone, my tears fall still. Numb and motionless, but angry for so long. No matter where, sadness is right where I am. Inside of me, I can scream and say that I hate such a place, but the only place that I exists is right here.
Right where I stand. Lost, still looking for the right time, walking forever with everything on my mind. The empty space in front of me, needs to be filled so I can finally see. Continuously begging and pleading to be happy. Holding hands with life and death, steady as I go. Every month now, it seems like another that I used to know has passed away. What's the point of it all? When so much is taken for granted. Everything is taken for granted it seems. There's an energy in us humans that I'm afraid we'll never find. We ask for more, and always more, when there are so many people with nothing but a dream. Maybe we're all wrong. We're all looking for the wrong something. Controlled for many generations now, living like slaves for those given false power. We're all born in our exact place. Entertain me, PLEASE! Drink me, PLEASE! Take me away... Please... Let this life pass me by so quickly. As these neon lights light my life. Before you know it, you're underground. 6 feet deep, never to be found. You'll one day exist only in the memories of dust, and digital photographs. You'll be unrecognizable from what you once were in the past. So, I hope you can see at last. Life is so important if you want it to be. Love and hold as much as you can, in fear of the inevitable end. A paw for a tattoo of my future lost, child, teacher, best friend. You've taught me so much, and I'll learn to love as best as I can. Such a small creature you are, but to have created such a man that I'd hope to be. To hold the Earth and all of its sick humanity, as someone has to be here at the end to tell our story.
I'm so sorry.