Release

No Mercy For Myself

Locked eyes, fixed on the past that's broken.
So am I.
Devastated, I tell myself why, but why oh why?
Squeezing shattered glass that only caused me to bleed.
Will I ever learn, to feel alive?
Have I ever felt alive?
I tell myself that I have, but that all remains in pieces.
Faces from the past being recited all the time.
Till I'm out of time, fuck I need to catch up.
This life is limited.
This time I'll do it right, I hope I can cleanse my mind with this euphoric feeling.
This new land that I'll soon to be seeing.
Believing in myself, I'll have to.
No one else will.
Drifting, I'm a drifter, I don't even trust myself to catch me on the way down.
At the bottom of the sea, is where you'll find me, next to that island I'd hope to call my home.
I'll miss my cat you know, it'll break me more, but I don't know. To leave what feels like my one true friend, my little companion who never betrayed me. The only one, that's for sure. Shaking with tears, he was there. How can I not feel guilty? To say he's just an, "animal". That's up to me, because he's my family. My best friend that I'll be leaving behind. He doesn't know it, but I damn well love him, and it's the only thing that comes naturally. Just like my hate or disregard that I have for the rest of my, "family". Who's to blame when I never knew what was right or wrong. How could I have known that they'd destroy me? I cried for help when it was too late. A little boy in an adult's body. I took people for granted when I was full of confidence. Without thought I'd break hearts with ease. I could feel their pain, but didn't care. Looking back now, seeing what pain has done to me. I wouldn't want this for anyone else. But me, I want it all.
Suffocated and still breathing.
Drowning but still on the surface.
Hardly moving but I'm flying above the clouds.
Face without, but full of emotion.
Dry of tears but I'm still crying.
Dead from constant pain but still alive.
I sure hope I'll try.