Release

Some Are Born In Darkness. Pt. 1

One day I'll reach Heaven's gate.
I'll evaporate with the Sun and join all the stars in our Universe; but, before that, I'll make them proud. I don't exactly know how, but I promise them I will. It's the only way. Perhaps it's just for me to be happy? To achieve my seemingly simple, yet complex dreams. I don't mean to sound strange, but the longer I'm on this earth, the more I lose my ego as sand falls through the hourglass that keeps record of my time. I'm more empathetic, and selfless than ever before. I only want to give, in exchange for good company, love, and knowledge. I always want to be gentle, even with the least sentient creatures. They need to be respected in their ignorance, as there is no I, without them. Though, people don't care about this. I don't truly know how peoples' brain's function, how they cannot climb the mountains before them. Do they see them as I do? A challenge? Or, do they not imagine what's holding them back from ascension. I've grown tired on this planet, as do others. I understand this, but to hide from oneself, when we are the Gods that walk among this planet, is nonsensical, but essential to know the difference between warriors, and cowards. Don't take offence to this statement, as not all warriors are strong, and not all cowards are weak. We are only against ourselves, the race to the end, is only against one's self. A warrior for you, or a coward for you. However, there is another side, the side of interaction, when one has become these things, or has risen above, and the only plateau for ascension is being a human being. There are limits, unfortunately, but also fortunately, as to break these limits, you could lose everything, even if you lower yourself below a surviving standard, you could lose it all the same. So, where does one meet? The often occurrence of both extremes, people usually fall to one, or the other. I'm not coming from a monetary standpoint, but something far more real. The ability to allow oneself to rise above, or concede. We are all playing this game, all the same.

I want to tell you a secret, a story, a thought, a desire, but you mustn't tell anyone, and if you do, it best not be true. Worrying more only causes the world to shake, and there are far more problems to worry about, than I am. I am not old, nor am I physically ill, but I allow my thoughts to wander often too far into the world we live in, that isn't often perceived, as I do. I cannot help but feel so much, for all life, for the people around me that are silently suffering in the apathy of their own existence, for the animals born with a destiny that only prescribes an unfair death, for the unkindness and impulsive rage behind every human without hands on their consciousness. To abuse innocence, when one's superficial lack of control, cuts deep beyond the surface that one intends. But, intentions, are controlled. Without control, you leave yourself to impulsiveness, and those animals that you bestow your own suffering upon, suffer, but not as much as you, as you drain your own morale, and ether. It's sad to say, that we know better than innocence, yet for some reason we abuse it. I don't often speak out, as others will recluse when around me, but in one's time of frustration, that calm and collected character you thought you knew, loses all face, and everything they previously stated in this one moment of furious impulse, becomes hypocrisy. All beauty they held, is lost with this one moment of self faltering, and to regain it, is almost impossible without ultimate forgiveness. The future sterile interactions of ones ignorance vs. one who now only sees the cracks under their skin, cannot possibly see anyone else. To constantly be on guard for their next mistakes has the ability to take everything away from all future moments. For those that try to change, or fix their image of a failing other, is a feat that only results in an illusion of someone you think you know. People do change, yes. This takes time, solitude, and self-awareness. Most abusers feel nothing but their own crumbling ego, and never realize what they had done in the first place. There is no growth, unless confronted by another, to bring affirmation to their wrong doings. However, most people don't like being told of their wrong doings, and will typically retaliate as their precious ego only feeds them self-righteousness. The never ending dilution of an empathetic reality. Though, I would not be here to speak of anything, without the selfishness of man. My existence is the result of all past occurrences, just as your life is too. We must be thankful for the monsters of humanity, all of them.

Since I grasped my consciousness and have been quickly dissolving my ego ever since I began to write of my experiences. I've always been curious about the nature of the universe, life, and death. My teenage self, had no idea of how big the questions I was asking truly were. I would ask simply, and I would get simple answers, that weren't really answers at all, but excuses, or ideas, or a supernatural belief. These answers did not quench my never ending thirst to know. To know as much as one possibly can. This requires one to feel, as with feelings there is great passion, and with passion there is velocity, and trajectory that is difficult to stop. Once I began to ask questions looking beyond what one might say during a superficial conversation and laugh about the exchange of answers, I opened a door that led to a bottomless chasm, with no certainty of what I might find, but my curiosity led me forthright. The issue is, once you know, you can never go back to that sweet and simple ego you once had. Everything was a mystery, a guess, or where all value is with what one can see; but I tell you this, we are all blind, & even now you may think you know what I'm writing of, but I assure you, it's not that. Perhaps you have an idea of it, but once you peel a single layer off of reality, you realize that chasm has no end. It only gets deeper, and deeper. Our perspectives are changed and altered with experience, and with vision, all experiences now, in the past, and in the future begin to change, everything changes after you take that one step to your endless fall beyond the surface world. What you thought you knew, which are usually illusions and controlled perspectives by those in power or that you unconsciously give power to, you begin to realize that the amount you know is nothing compared to the unquantifiable infinity, even beyond most of those in power, but as you go forward with this devotion of desire to understand, the greater a toll is has on you. A human isn't meant to know more than the surface of illusion, and only those who dare themselves to the challenge will reap the rewards, but also suffer greatly.