Release

Ascension

Let me tell you about the most beautiful experience of my life.

It will be difficult to clearly describe and portray exactly what I experienced. Maybe it will be humanly impossible for me, as what I experienced was something along the lines of divine.

It's as if the entire universe shed its light on me. One way I could describe it; it's as if God took his giant sword made from a solar flare, and sliced by body in half with it's holy light and purity. I was reborn with the creation of the universe. Everything that happened before myself, everything that I experienced came to a singularity. It was as if God touched my soul. There were many altered states of consciousness that I experienced. From myself laying on the floor dancing for hours with myself, to myself sitting on my bed thinking that I'm Jesus Christ, and that the entire universe was watching me, and waiting for me to deliver a message to humanity. I had such a powerful message to deliver, that would cure all, with only my words. I believe in myself so much, that I messaged C, my holy friend. In my mind he would be the one to understand. He's one of my good friends that's been there for me, for so very long, through our differences, we always find ourselves on the same train of thought. Maybe he was just protecting me, as he also had some kind of faith in me. Like, it was some kind of prophecy. As in reality, I would love to be a saint, I would love to be Jesus Christ, I would love to give my life to the world. I've been through impenetrable darknesses. I've risked my life to save another. I've made it through my childhood hell, a warrior, where others would have returned from the darkness feeble or worse. I'm lucky. I'm so fucking lucky. The knowledge, the almost inhuman knowledge that I hold. I've become a paladin, a pantheon, a wolf in the darkness. I am the light in the darkness. I thought that I was darkness itself, but to realize that I'm not, and that I've never been, is illuminating to my soul. I'm a warrior or light, of truth. I walk through the darkness cutting through all that gets in my way, with the same sword that the heavens lashed upon me. Born of starlight, born of creation.

Let me tell you the story, in chronological order as best as I can.

It was 1:30 PM, on December, 23rd, 2021, a Thursday. As of this day I had been exploring in the world of psychedelics for the past 36 days. Not everyday of course, but much much more than average. During these 36 days, I had consumed 24.5 grams of psychedelic mushrooms, which included various strains, Psilocybe Cubensis (aka Golden Teacher), Amazonian Cubensis, Brazilian Cubensis, Cambodian Cubensis, and Panaeolus Cyanescens (aka Blue Meany).

At 1:30 PM I weighed out 1.17 grams of Cambodian Cubensis one of the strains that I haven't tried out of all the others that I mentioned above. This one is known for being a very energetic strain. I've been home alone, and rather bored during these times away from my current work, as I'm on holiday. Also, Covid is on its 4th wave and peaking which is hard to imagine, but easy to believe giving the state of humanity.

I've consumed so much fungi in the past month, even medicinal mushrooms outside the realm of psychoactives, such as Lion's Mane, and Turkey Tail for their beneficial properties. Though, for some reason my body has developed a certain dislike for the flavour of these mushrooms. At first I quite enjoyed them, but as I went down the strains, the flavour became slightly less favourable. It got to the point of when I thought about consuming them, I would have a slight revolting reaction to them beyond my control. This made me frustrated with myself. Along with other things that I was facing internally. All my life, I've suffered with self loathing. Due to my past, my abandonment, it's emptiness, confusion, and being totally lost in the darkness, alone. I was desperate to be loved, but could never muster the ability to love myself. I was the upmost selfish at times, and more often selfless, where neither side favoured my life at all. As my selfishness was destructive and blind, and my selflessness was almost always one sided. For the well-being of others, but never myself, for others to hopefully give back to me, where my selfishness that I couldn't even control, would eventually ruin what beauty I was beginning to kindle. This has always been my greatest weakness. The inability to love myself, to always seek love from outside sources, and when I got a little taste, I would cut loose like a coward. I don't even truly understand the chemistry of it, or why I would do it. Maybe it was the fear of getting too close to the Sun, and to wake up without my light being there, was more fearsome than it ever existing in the first place.