Release

Three - A Long Journey

October 6, 2018 - 4:42 AM

I just bought one of Gill's paintings for $139.74, as she has recently acquired a website that she is able to sell them on. I have been ignoring what's left of her, in me, but I decided to go on a quick creep, and her most recent post was of her link to her dealer. I bought an original painting, one that I remember being the most famous between us. One that I even helped choose colours for, but this is not about me at all. I don't even have a perfect answer for why I bought her painting. Maybe I'm still obsessed, or maybe I have just found myself recently realizing how much I actually loved her. Fuck me for saying that, but damn it's sure true. I loved this girl. I can't even afford to take care of myself currently, but I still find the need to buy one of her paintings, that I won't even have here. Buying that painting was the most emotional pleasure that I've felt in a very long time. Maybe that's something I can do, support the passions of artists? Or, maybe just one artist. I honestly wouldn't even mind being that one guy who's said to have not gotten over a girl, and still buys her art after years. That would be an interesting story for someone else to write if fame ever strikes.

Now now, don't worry..
I'm still in China, but every single part of me still lives elsewhere, which is what I think I'll always have to deal with. Never living in the present, but forever in the past. Looking back now, still confused as to how my world parted, but realizing I loved every good moment, every breath, and every drop of pain. The monster was free to walk, and love gave it legs move, a heart to pump, and a brain to do its best. The best apparently wasn't good enough, but it's now walking right with me, and not only inside. I'm thankful for this and it's past, but we're hurt. Maybe hurt isn't the right word, as I'm actually unsure of what word to use. But, believe me, I opened up entirely, especially when I was still vulnerable.

Let's go.

I have a lot of catching up to do.
I've been ignoring my life for the last 3 weeks with a Russian woman, where she'd prefer to be called a girl, but I'd prefer to call her a woman. Prior to this I was working on editing my previous writings for about 2 and a half weeks.
To be quite frank, too much has happened, but nothing has also happened all at the same time. I'm now here to catch you up on all of the events that have occurred.

I'm currently listening to, "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)", so feel free to give that song a listen, as it is quite nice. It's definitely one of my life anthems, with the other true few that I have. It's a slow collection, but with time, the list of these songs will have created a world so full of live, and colour.

I think it will be much easier to just discuss people and the events that occurred with with people, rather than actually going over what has happened in chronological order.

October 8th, 2018 - 1:42 PM

I'm on a train right now, so I'll take this time to write!

I suppose I'll go a little bit in chronological order, as the people that I've actually spent time with are all at different times.

First thing is first, let's discuss matters between David, and Qingqing. Over time as I had written last, I began to realize many things about David that I didn't like at all, and how he wasn't good to Qingqing at all, and for anyone, it's always so easy to forgive him as he truly does act like a little kid most of the time, joking, being sarcastic, and just clowning around. Whereas on the other side he's super ignorant and very disrespectful towards Qingqing, and her family. I eventually found myself lacking interest in being around David for that very reason. Which then led me to Leo with an honest explanation of how I felt about David. During the times when Qingqing and I were talking about her life, and her relationship with David I might have encouraged her to actually leave him, where after a large conflict between Qingqing, and her family, versus David she ended up leaving him. This is an event that I wasn't actually there for. She messaged me shortly after I had left, after only about 5 days, and told me that regardless of whatever had happened with her and David, that I'm always welcome to visit and, "come play" as the Chinese say. I'm very thankful for this, as her family is actually very cool, and were so supportive of me. In fact, before the day that I left, Qingqing's grandmother cried during our final goodbye. She was the only one that didn't understand any English, but we both understood one another. I'll remember that and those moments forever. I'm sure there are many rich philosophical paths connecting to how we actually got along so well. It's probably directed to her care for me, and my curiosity and appreciation. Perfect company it was. Even now S I'm on a train, Qingqing said that she's worried about me.