Lovesong

Chapter 1

I stood there waiting for her to turn around. I knew the second she said yes, I was doomed. I thought I could be strong and let her go, but the minute she walked away, I felt like she was walking out of my life. I know we had our fair share of words and our tears of hurt, but that was us. We were simply that...a chaotic mess. I wanted to give Kate just enough rope to freedom without feeling too attached. But I needed her as much as she needed me. Life without Kate would be just plain boring. I'd miss the fights. I'd miss the tears. I'd miss her laugh. I'd miss her smile. I'd miss everything that made up her. I'd miss us. Kate would make it, I know. But buried deep inside my heart, I knew I wouldn't. I'd wanted to chase her down and beg her not to go as she moved further away from me, but I also wanted to prove to her I could be strong even though I was falling apart, coming apart at the seams. Now she's here. Her back is to me. She came back. She got off the plane...for me. I want badly to reach for her, but I need for her to turn around. Kate hesitated thinking her ears were deceiving her. It was only moments ago that Gyu wasn't here. He was nowhere in sight within the hustle and bustle of the airport. How is he here now? It was as if he was reading her mind. Her grip tightened on the bag draped over her shoulder. I said softly, "I'm right behind you." She inhaled deeply, pressing her lips together, "Cookie." She slowly turned, my sunglasses still adorned on her face. I saw the faint tracks of tears stained on her cheeks. Her bag hit the floor at her feet and she threw her arms around my neck. She sobbed, "Cookie, I'm sorry. I can't do it." As much as my heart leaped for joy to hear those words, and as much as I wanted her to stay, I knew I couldn't hold her back. I embraced my Kitty Kate holding on just little bit longer. I closed my eyes silently praying and wishing she'd change her mind. But who am I? She'd been offered this amazing record deal. Someone had finally recognized all this talent I knew she possessed all these years. My Kitty Kate. And I'm so proud of her. Years ago I was standing in her shoes, and she encouraged me, stood by me, and cheered me on. So I should be doing the same, but it just seemed different. Years ago we were just friends. Today it's something more. She's my fiancée, the love of my life. That what makes a world of difference in my heart. Just knowing my whole heart will reside half a world away tears me up on the inside. It's so easy to say one thing and mean another. She's here in my arms, and I can't find the strength to pull her back. But I have to. I ease her back gently, taking her face into my hands, "Kitty Kate, listen to me. You have to get on that plane. I know you feel your place is here with me, but I'm going to be ok." I was getting choked up on my own words, "You're going to be fine. We will be good. This right here. This is us we know. You and me. If you believe in that, and believe in us, everything will work out. Trust me, baby. I love you so much." I saw a tear slide down her cheek. She shook her head, biting her lower lip, "Cookie, it hurts. It hurts so much. I do believe in us." I forced a smile, wiping away her tear with the brush of my thumb, "Then you can do this. I'm with you, baby. Right here," I laid my left hand over her heart, "I'll be with you with every step you take." She nodded. All this was chipping away at my heart. Was I really listening to my own words? Taking it to heart as well? It was so hard to swallow. Will I be ok? I'd be lost for awhile, but I'm sure I'll find my own way. Breaking free, if only for a little while, is crushing. Kate is right about that. It's like ripping a band aid off an already festered wound. If we only allow a little air, we will heal. With that being said, I brought her lips to mine, and felt my heart collapse. Kate, too, whimpered. This would be our last kiss. My last first kiss. Kitty Kate was, is, and will always be my last first kiss. Her flight is announced over the loud speaker. Last call to Daegu. Just as I pulled back from the kiss, the reality of it all set in. I was feeling a wave of emotions all at once. I walked her to the terminal once more, "Kate, we'll be together soon. Go be you. Do your thing." I tried to encourage her, to be the wind beneath her wings. I wanted to watch her soar. All of her hard work, the writing is finally paying off. She stopped in her tracks, "Cookie, with you I can. Maybe I can find something outside of the Gypsy. Anything? I just don't want to be apart from you." I moved in front of her, cupping my hands on her shoulders, "Baby, I'm honored that you love me that much to want to stay with me, but I'm also telling you, if you love me, you'll go. I'm doing this for your own good. Look at everything that's happened. I almost lost you, and the only way I can keep you is to send you away. If I don't, the monotony of it all will continue. I just know it. And hearing those things...the way Soob's confessed his love for you scares me to death. That if I don't do this, if you don't jump at this, I'll lose everything that's worth fighting for." She pouted, caressing my cheek, "Cookie, is that what this is? Soobin may have really done a number on us, but don't let him tear us apart. I can continue being me right here in Korea, at the Gypsy. Jin and the boys are onboard with whatever I decide, and I decide to stay here. I'm happy with my work. I love doing what I do. Serving drinks and performing on the side. I can do that, and still chase my dream being the writer that I am. I appreciate you looking out for me, and for wanting to protect me. But more than anything, I want to be close to you. Cookie, please don't make me get on that plane. If I do, I'm going to Daegu and staying." A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. That's my Kitty Kate. Stubborn. Hardheaded. Chaotic. Just like me. I just didn't want to see her lose her chance at this. And I guess, I feared if this opportunity slipped through her hands, I didn't want her to lay the blame on me. That's why I'm pushing so hard. When I'm my heart, I'm tugging her back. Years ago when it was my time, she tried to convince me, but my determination won me over. I was dedicated to my training. That's what I went to the music school for. Kate, on the other, was the opposite. Her talent for writing is what got her in. That's what she's good at. That's who she is. Sure she can sing, and hell yes, she can put on a show. But her passion, her drive, is a pen and piece of paper. Her little black book. She brushed the bangs out of my eyes, and playfully tugged at ends of my long hair, "I love you. You know that. Sometimes, Cookie, I think you're just too good for me. And I think on how did I ever get so lucky? You're this idol, this teen heartthrob." I gushed, my cheeks turning red, "Kate, oh please. It's my job. But only you know the real me." She tapped her index finger on my chest, "Precisely. And I don't want that attention. Only yours. I don't need to see the world. I just want to live in yours. I don't need California as my home because you are my home." My heart constricted with so much love for this woman. Her words is all I needed to hear to know where I stood with her. I snaked an arm around her, biting on my lower lip. I pulled her into me, resting my forehead to hers, "You win, my love." Then we shared another passionate kiss. The lady standing at the gate asked clearing her throat, "Miss, are you getting on?" Kate rested her hand on my chest, hugging me. She smiled brightly, "No thank you. I'll be catching the next flight." That's my love, my life. Always placing me first. In everything. We stepped away from the terminal, bought another ticket in exchange for today's flight tomorrow, and headed for the door hand in hand. Today we were going to spend it on us. Tomorrow I'll deal with another goodbye, but thankfully she'll be a few hours away. A few hours away I can handle...Halfway around the world...not so much. As we loaded up into my Tucson, Kate made a call to the Gypsy. She talked to Stan, who owned the bar, and told him she'd be returning. That California is behind her. She was here to stay.