Lovesong

Chapter 31

What the hell have I just witnessed?! Gyu and Soobin were fighting, and Gyu just popped my Just Kate's head off. Why was this TXT house falling apart, and what's all that commotion coming from Gyu's room? When I heard the slap I was already one foot out the door. I swear if he's laid a hand on her like that, I'll have him by the throat. I'm sick of seeing Kate getting knocked around. As much as it kills me to see her go, I think it's time. I also didn't approve of the way I heard Gyu raising his voice to her. I glance at Soobin and realized it's always him stirring up something between them...but then again so am I. If you'd told me this would happen months ago, I would have thought you were crazy. None of us saw this coming with Soobin. He really turned the tables when it came to Kate. How everything turned from deep seeded hatred to love is pure twisted. But now I can say I saw the signs all along. Well, except for the abusive part. I still don't get it. And I'm not sure what went on in Soobin's past to make him act the way he does. Somehow he has linked himself to Kate, and there's stepping back or backing down. I see the door open and Kate walks out, placing her duffel bag on her shoulder. I catch my breath. Just like I always do when it comes to her. This was it. My final chance to say goodbye. I approach her cautiously, "Love." She smiled up at me biting her lower lip, "Junnie." She stepped into me, sliding her arms around my neck. She whispered, "I was hoping to see you one last time. I'm going to miss you so much." My chest ached. I knew exactly how she felt. I closed my eyes and snaked my arms around her, "Me too, Just Kate." Oh my....she felt so good in my arms. And today's kiss in the kitchen came rushing to the forefront of my mind. Her sweet vanilla fragrance will forever be my favorite scent. Simply because it's her. When she pulled back, I noticed the scratches on her bruised cheekbone. Damn him! I asked her if she was ok, and if Gyu hit her. She flashed me a small smile, "No, Junnie. And I'm just peachy." Hmm... She's hurting. What was said? I didn't hear that much. Just their raised voices. And the slap. I questioned, "But I heard the sound of someone being slapped." Her face froze, "Oh geez...I hit Cookie. And I feel real bad for it. But anyway..." I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips to her forehead, "I love you, Kate." She nodded, looking into my eyes, touching my cheek, "I know, Junnie. I'll reach out to you once I'm safe and sound." I let out a ragged breath, "Please do. This place won't be the same without you, Just Kate. Do you have everything?? Your little black book??" She patted her bag, "I do." I catch sight of Gyu coming out of his room, and my hands fall to my sides. I didn't want to let her go, but I didn't want to risk it since they'd already been through so much with Soobin just moments ago. Oh, how I'm going to miss touching her.
I lifted my chin as Gyu approached us. He asked Kate if she was ready. When is anyone really ever ready? I know I wasn't. I caught sight of the tears in her eyes as she nodded holding the strap of her bag against her chest, "As ready as I guess I'll be." I gazed at her from over the rims of my black frames. Both of us wanted to embrace, but neither one of us moved. Gyu placed his hand on her lower back, "Let's go then. Junnie, tell Kai I'll be back as soon as I can." Just as Kate told me goodbye and turned her back. I reached for her elbow, finding the strength to get her attention, "Kate, wait." Gyu took her bag from her shoulder, "I'll meet you at the car." Wait....what? Gyu was leaving us alone?? This was no time to question his decision. I just simply grabbed her and pulled her close. She cried, "Junnie," as her left hand went around my neck and her fingers into my hair. I couldn't help myself. I kissed the side of her neck. I felt my cheeks become wet. This was the most sweetest, yet hardest, goodbye ever for me. She rested her forehead to mine, "Aw, Junnie. It's not forever. You know I love you." I traced the outline of her jaw with my fingertips, "I know, love. It just hurts. I thought I would be strong. And so sorry Soobs hurt you again. Forgive me for not saving you from his evil claws. I feel so bad keeping my distance." She wrapped her finger around me wrist and smiled at me, "Juunie, don't be. There's no need to apologize for anything. You can always protect me from harm." I pouted, gazing into her tear filled eyes, "But I should have, love. I just didn't not after this morning." She really reached in between us and gripped the front of my cream sweater, "Junnie, don't do this to yourself. It's not worth it. Just remember what we had. Hold onto that." A tear slid down my cheek, "Just Kate, I've tried, and I feel like you're slipping away. You're not mine to hold anymore. I'm the fool who let you go. And I just know the minute door closes, I've lost you for good. I don't know how I'm going to handle you not being around. You won't be within reach." Kate's heart bottomed out. How much she wanted to tell him that she wasn't going to California. She would be nearby...just 2 hours by plane. But she had made a promise to Gyu. No one could know. She removed my  glasses and kissed my eyes, tasting the saltiness of my tears. My love for her was there written on my face, in my eyes. I felt my heart quiver, and I had to catch my breath. I know I was holding her up and she had some place to be, but I couldn't completely turn her loose yet. She let out a wavering breath, touching my face, the side of my neck, the side of my chest, "Junnie, we're both going to be ok. I promise to stay in touch." I sniffled, looking into her heartfelt eyes, "Love, I know. It's just not the same. We won't have this. It's not right. I'm beginning to realize how selfish I am. I shouldn't still feel this way, but I can't help it. I love you so much, Just Kate." Our foreheads are touching and my hands are at her sides. Oh, how I wanted to have that "one more" time with her. It's too late. I had what I could earlier, and that alone was a blessing. She knows I love her. She always has. It's a fire that will live on and burn forever. There's no denying the passion that runs wild when we come together. It's who we are. Even though I gave her up, I'm still connected somehow. She tucked her bottom lip in, biting down, "I love you too, Junnie. I always have." Those words strangled my heart, causing the dam to burst. I tried to hide the pain behind my smile. I raised my left hand, and untucked that lip. It drove me over the edge everytime she did that...even when it's done unconsciously. I stated through my tears, "Old habits are hard to break. Control that lip bite. Save it for me, ok?" She nodded. I moved a hand to the back of her head, "Oh my sweet love, I can't imagine my life without you." She sobbed, "Junnie, this is hard for me, too. Thank you for always being there for me. For saving me. For loving me." My fingers gripped at the roots of her hair, "Kate, always remember your eyes gave new meaning to my life. It's like I found the north light. I never knew what I needed until I felt your hand holding mine." A tear slid down her cheek, and her chest trembled, "Junnie, don't. Not now. I can't handle this." I wiped away her falling tear with the pad of my thumb, "Love, you say I'm your hero, but you're the one that saved me. If I ever lost you, I'd fall on my knees. You're not mine to cherish like this, to want like this or to need like this. But Kate, you're so much a part of me. I can't imagine one night without you. If something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. California is such a big place. I've been there, and it's easy to lose yourself in. And you're going alone..." She clung to the front of me helplessly, "Junnie, I'm going to be fine. Trust me. I'll be in touch everyday." I touched the side of her face, puckering my lips, "Why are you so strong, love? I wish I had your strength." She smiled, "I have to be. No matter the cut, or how deep, I have to find my source somewhere." I had to ask. I had to know, "Who's going to watch over you, to protect you? A beautiful woman like you on the streets of California...I don't think I can bare you turning another man's head. It's bad enough sharing you with Gyu." She swallowed hard, "Junnie, you worry too much. I'm not looking elsewhere. My happiness is here in Korea not out there. Right here," she gripped the front of my sweater, "with you guys. With you. With Cookie."

She was so close, in my space. Her vanilla fragrance was igniting my senses. Filling me up and making me dizzy. She's in my arms, my hands. The feel of her warm breath was so irresistible. It wouldn't take much to seal the inches between us with my lips. My eyes focused on her shiny lips, her sweet strawberry kiss. It was like a dreamlike state. I literally lose who I am when I kiss her lips and fall into those green orbs of hers. She'll always be my heart. Even once she's married to Gyu. Married? Oh I just can't think about that. I can't go there, even though I know it's coming. She's already wearing his ring. She wore on his name on her finger long when she was mine. I just never studied the engraved band on her left hand. I was so blinded by her, and I still am, that I don't notice too many things around me. She consumes me. Other girls have come and gone, but none held my attention quite like my Just Kate. Either I was leaning in or was she? She whispered, "Junnie?" I whispered in return, "Kate?" I love Gyu, but the temptation was so strong to resist this moment. I kissed her tenderly. Yes, I should've had my fill this morning on the kitchen counter. But when it comes to Kate once is not enough. I felt her lips start to part under mine, and I had to brace myself. Gyu could come back any second. As much as I wanted to take the kiss deeper, I had to stop myself. We were alone, but not totally alone. It killed me do it. If I continued on the path we were heading, she'd never make it out the door. I closed my eyes, resting my cheek against hers, "Kate, you know this isn't enough for either us, but it'll have to do. You need to go." She slide her arms under mine, "Junnie, just a little longer." I crumbled, "My sweet, sweet love. The longer you linger, the harder it will be on both of us." I pulled her back, taking her face into my hands, "You know I love having you this close, but it's time. Time to let go, and move on." What the hell was I saying? Was I saying this out loud to her or to myself? Her bottom lip trembled, "Junnie?" I stroked her cheeks, feeling the tears rise up in the back of my throat, "Love, it's ok. I'll be ok. Just let go." I set her free, taking a step back. I kissed my fingertips and blew her a kiss, "I'll always love you, Just Kate." I left her standing there drowning in my goodbye and her tears. I died a little bit as I made my way back to my bedroom. I closed the door, leaned against, and fell apart. I just walked away from the very woman who was my everything, my heart, my love.