Lovesong

Chapter 13

I was in our private studio in the basement shooting a Vlive, playing music and interacting with fans all over the world. All the while I could barely concentrate. Just like before...before was only months ago when I expressed my love to Kit Kate. Geez, it was just this summer. There was Junnie and Chrys. I remember now...Soobin's cousin. I wonder whatever happened to her? It was the horrible day that almost ended Gyu and Kate. She was pregnant, and oh, how she glowed. But Soobin dimmed that light in her real quick. That was the night none of knew what he had up his sleeve. He just disappeared from Seoul. Anyway, I had just gotten through shooting a Vlive and I'd sent Kate a text message along with several pictures. One of me winking along with a message that read "I think I'm falling in love with you." That started my secret romance with her...only in my mind. And here I am again. Only this time she's under our roof. Kit Kate and I have always been the best of friends, but I never got too close to her. I didn't realize what was happening to me until long after it'd happened. And even now I can't help myself. It's getting harder to hide the way I feel. And after seeing her lip locked with Soobin earlier today really did a number on me, and then again, when he was trying his damnedest to express his love to her. I never once thought how someone as sweet as Kit Kate would get into such a twisted tangle amongst all of us. And if Gyu knew that my feelings ran deeper than I allowed for him to see, he'd be crushed. He's experienced so much pain from all of us that there's no way I can express how I really feel. I've never kissed her , thankfully. I've attempted to, or felt tempted to, but it never came to be. She ended it real quick. Bummer, really. I bet she's a great kisser. Oh hell...why am I thinking about her kiss? Or her heart shaped lips, so ready and willing. And when she does that damn lip bite, a fire erupts behind the fly of my jeans. I mean, hot damn! That's so hot! The sexiest thing I've seen. And she does it so unconsciously. Just thinking about it now, and I can hardly concentrate on my fans. Their comments and questions are all over the place, running up the screen. I can barely catch a glimpse of them. Once again my thoughts are sidetracked by the very photo reflecting off my screen. Kit Kate. It's one I had taken of her while we were Daegu. She was in her realm and I had the perfect opportunity to catch the moment. Aw so beautiful. But that's not the only picture I have of her. Soobin had been right all along. If you look at my photos, besides the selfies I take to post on Twitter, they are mostly of Kate.

The day I took this picture of Kate I was lost in the music. My playlist of her. Yeah I know. I've got it bad. Call it lovesick for her. I shake myself to my senses and decide to answer some questions. Someone asked to hear me play. It was the least I could do for them. But like what...then it hit me. Something they've never heard before. A song of Kate's. Would she mind if I shared it with the world. What the hell! I'm going for it. She's with me anyway. Here in my heart, in my mind. I never told anyone that she's the melody that moves my fingers along the keyboard. I smiled at the camera and said to the fan, "Your wish is my command. Here's a little something just for you." I started playing "Valentine." It was the perfect keyboard piece. Soft and sweet. Just like Kate. I'd heard her play it a time or two without the lyrics, and it was so moving. I was entranced. She played it the day at the lodge. I walked in on her catching her off guard. I knew it was a song she'd written for Gyu. All of her songs are about Gyu. Well...mostly. Then I moved on and played "Butterfly," singing the lyrics. It's a song I've heard repeatedly that reminds me of my love for Kit Kate. And of course, I've heard her sing it. She is my butterfly.

'When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imaged I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And then watch you rise
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land
I can't pretend these tears
Aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly'