Lovesong

Chapter 35

She's gone. My sweet Red gone from my life. I can't believe Gyu ripped her away from me. I know she had to go, but why now? We still haven't had closure. I've got to find a way to get to her. My schedule is so tied up I can barely see straight. I could text her, but that's not good enough. I need hands on, face to face contact. I rubbed my cheek, and my bruised ribs. Oh how they throbbed. Maybe I deserved the beating, but Gyu's got to see how much that woman means to me. He's so blinded by his love for her. I desperately need her in my life. I lose my mind whenever she is near, but she's also the only one who can keep me sane. I can't tell anyone that. It sounds absurd, however, it's the truth. And Kate knows it. That's why she gets me. She understands me. Years ago, I thought Tae did as well, when I set my plan into motion. He knew from the beginning that bright eyed, happy go lucky, strawberry blond was my game plan. Somehow I've got the notion he no longer believes in me. And I don't know why. Why has he all of sudden turned against me? Is it because she's Gyu's girl? Honestly, what does that have to do with anything? I'm sitting here staring at the laptop screen. I signed on to do my weekly Vlive, but I'm just not in the mood to talk about what's going on in the life of TXT, or converse with MOA's. My brain is consumed with images of Kate. I'm scanning the messages that keep flooding the screen. I try to laugh off some of them, and answer a few. All the while I have my phone opened to Kate's picture. It's wrong, I know, but I'm obsessed with her. Any of the guys could walk in at any moment. One of them usual does, just to say hey to the fans, and to chit chat briefly. I turn my phone over and do my best to interact, but the thrill is not there. I need Red. My thoughts are all scrambled and twisted. I recall the way I acted towards her when I caught her with Tae. It may been something purely innocent. That's not the way I saw it. He had his arms wrapped around her. She was crying. Why was she even breathing his same air? I never thought I'd have to contend with my own best friend for her affection. Gyu? Yes. Junnie? Always. Tae? Never. He never gave a rat's ass about her. What has he secretly been hiding? I will find out. I always find things out. Just like I will find Kate. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But I will. And soon. Then what to my wondering eyes do I see....here on Vlive...She's watching....watching me. I see the name KittyKate with the comment that read..."Smile." And I did, biting my lower lip. My sweet Red. I winked at her and puckered my lips sending her a kiss. In fact I ended up finding the will to finish my Vlive. I owe it to Kate to always come through. She may not be here, but she's there cheering me on.

It really brightened my mood to hear from Kate. After the Vlive I couldn't control my smile. I was sure my dimples were showing. I sat there for a while just trying to catch my breath. She reached out to me. It wasn't much, but it was something. I picked up my phone, and her picture reflected back at me. She was my screensaver, my hone screen. I opened up my messages and clicked on her name "Sweet Red". I typed, "Ty. I needed that today." I sent it along with a picture of my smiling face, dimples and all. Moments later my phone vibrated. I glanced down at it in my hand. She'd responded, "Whhhhaattt?? What are you thanking me for?" I stated, "The Vlive. You were watching." She typed back, "I haven't been on my phone or watching anything. Are you delusional?" I sat back staring at her message. Delusional? That struck a nerve. Ouch! As if I wasn't enough pain already. I turned on the laptop to retrieve the Vlive. I texted her back, "Red, I saw it. KittyKate. You told me to smile." She sent a laughing emoji along with the words, "Soobin, I honestly have no idea what what you're talking about." I started banging on the keys as I typed on the laptop. I knew he wasn't losing my mind. I had seen her name. It'd been her. I located the comments and scrolled through them. It was sandwiched in between the "What's wrong?" and "Marry me" comments. But now it's not there. Wtf? It had to be. I grabbed my phone and typed, "You we're watching me, Kate. I'm not going crazy." She replied, "Soobin, look...I've been gone for a few hours. I haven't had time to do anything much less to catch a Vlive. Besides, I'm not a kid. Those are for the fans to fall at your feet. That's not who I am." I was growing madder by the minute. I know I saw it. She said it. It was right there on the screen. Oh god!! Maybe I am going crazy. I surged my fingers into my hair. I suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't breathe. My heart is racing. I typed, "Kate, help me." No response. She's gone. Did she mute me? Block me? I need her. I need her now. I typed again, "Kate, come back."