Lovesong

Chapter 42

I woke up feeling horrible. I stared at myself in the mirror after splashing cold water on my face. What had I done? Why did I deceive my friends, and my strawberry shortcake? She trusted me. Gyu trusted me and I let them down. I never should have contacted Mari. Or given her Gyu's phone number. I thought I was doing Kate a favor. I didn't mean any harm. I only wanted to keep Soobin away from Kate, and the only way I knew how was to bring back Mari. Kate couldn't do this alone, not with her tight schedule, and I'm much too busy. I knew how much Kate wanted to lend a hand, and I had told her that we, meaning the group, would seek help for Soobin, but I got cold feet, and I knew Kate was probably already be on top of it. That's why I am so attracted to her. She always put others first. However, Mari was my only option, and she'd always been in love with Soobin. I was surprised to see I had several missed calls and a text message from Mari when I rose, so I deleted them without even calling her back or reading her message. I didn't want anymore involvement with her. I located her number and blocked her from reaching me again. I took a deep breath and whispered, "Kate, Gyu, I'm so sorry." I gathered my composure after my shower and headed downstairs. I was not looking forward to this video shoot. If things had happened differently, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I sure hope Mari didn't let the cat out of the bag. Maybe she was able to reach out to Kate. I hadn't told her Kate was in California, so maybe she was able to contact her by phone. Kate had texted me her number before she left, and I'd told her I'd be in contact. I know it's wrong considering she's Gyu's fiancée, but I'm absolutely nuts about her. Can Gyu ever know? No. Junnie made a promise to never say anything, but Soobin I'm not sure of. Everyday is a mystery. I'm continuously walking on eggshells. Even though she's far away, I still felt the need to protect her. As I entered the kitchen, Soobin was already up. He had made his famous coffee, and had his back to me texting someone. Oh fuck! It could only be two people. Mari or Kate. I mumbled, "Morning," to get his attention. He jumped like a scared rabbit and his fumbled his phone on hands. Yes, he was being sneaky, and was to something. That look on his face when he glanced only meant one thing...Kate. I felt a twinge in my gut. He forced a half devious smile, "Tae. Morning. Sleep well, I hope." Hmm. If he only knew. He crammed his phone in the front pocket of his lounge pants, "Coffee?" I stated, pulling out a chair from under the table, "Soobs, let her be." He fixed me a cup of coffee and placed it in front of me, "Tae, this is none of your concern." Right then I knew. I saw the flashing warning signs. Kate needed protection. And I may have made the worst mistake ever. Soobin's phone chimed. He reluctantly reached for it, and dropped it face up on the table when it wasn't the message he was expecting. He gasped, "What the hell?" It read: "We need to talk." I tried not to smile. Thank you, Mari. I watched how unnerving Soobin was regarding the message from Mari. Lost. He stood there staring blankly at the message. He remembered their conversation days ago. Knowing she was in love with him was unsettling to him. He slowly looked at me, "She's back. Mari's back." He sounded disappointed. He sat down across from me, "Tae, I can't deal with her. I know what you said about her loving me, but I just don't feel the same. I can't talk to her. You know I'm in love with someone else." I did know, but I didn't want him messing with Kate any longer. He needed Mari. Someone like him. Not Kate. It's time for him to step back, and see what's in front of him. He can't have control of Kate anymore. And her being away is the perfect opportunity for him to see this. I stated, reaching for my cup of coffee, "Soobs, just give her a chance. She wants to talk. Maybe you should listen to what she has to say." He stared coldly at me, "The thing is I don't care, Tae. When I walked away from her, I walked away hoping to never look back. And I don't want to start now. If I respond, I'll open up old wounds that I've tried to heal. Mari is not what I desire. I'm not ready to face what she's offering." I had to clarify, "And what is that, Soobs? Love? How can you deny her that?" He exhaled, looking at me through his long bangs as he pulled his ball cap further down on his head, "That...and among other things. I can't just change because she asks me too. I am who I am, Tae. Only one woman can change me, and that woman it my Red." I argued growing agitated with him, "No...you just have it in your head that Kate is the only one. You won't give anyone else a chance, not even the mother of your child. Soobs, Mari has loved from the very beginning, and you passed her up over one smile from Kate. And when Mari came up pregnant over your negligence, you pinned it on Gyu, hoping to turn the tables. You passed the buck into someone else to take care of your responsibility." He sneered, "Yes, it was my perfect way out. She had eyes for Gyu...the same way I had for Red. We discussed it many times. You, or no one, can force to be with someone I don't give a f*** about. I won't settle for, or with just anyone." I rested my elbows on the tables, and rubbed my hands over my face. This was going to be a lot worse than I expected. I knew Soobin would put up a fight, but now it looks like we would dragging him, kicking and screaming. And as much as I didn't want to get involved, I may have to reach out to her, and take up her on her offer to step in. Soobin eyed me evilly. I could feel it. He growled, banging a fist down on the table, "Tae, what have you done?! You know Kate is everything to me!" I lifted my head sorrowfully and lied, "I haven't done anything. I just can't believe you're so stubborn. Kate doesn't love you, Soobs. She's going to marry Gyu whether you like it or not. You can't stop that. Gyu and Kate have something that's real. As you can see, you've tried to part them, but that won't separate. Their ito is too powerful. That's love, Soobs. You can't sit there and tell me you can't see it. You once had it too...with Mari. I know somewhere buried deep in your heart you still love her. I don't know when all that changed. Kate was just a girl in a training bra when she turned your head, and maybe she developed right before your eyes, but you let go of a love over some teenage dream. Trust me. You and I have had this conversation so many times. See it for what it is." Soobin squeezed his eyes shut, "I can't, Tae. You have no idea how Kate makes me feel when she's around, when I touch her, when I smell her, when I just.....ahhh. It's like I come along alive. I want that everyday. I want to wake up knowing I'll be walking on sunshine. That the beauty has cured the beast. That I don't have to hide in the dark. To feel the sun on my face. To feel the warmth of her love. Tae, if only knew what it's like to live with a demon...and to know you're only cure is just within reach. Would you simply stay in the dark, or grab it and never let it go." I swallowed the lump in my throat. If I was I his predicament, I'd probably grab it, if I knew it would save me. I asked, "But Soobs, how do you know she's the one? And your mind is not just playing tricks on you. You've already got in your head that Kate is all you need. What if she is just the light to lead you to whom you belong?" He groaned, "I see what you're doing, Tae. You're trying to twist it around to make it about Mari being my soulmate. I've already told you. She can't be." Talking to him was like talking to a belligerent child. I was not up to confrontation. It was a no win conversation with my best friend. I drained my cup of coffee and rose to my feet. As I made my way to the sink, he stated, "Because Kate's pregnant." The cup slipped my hand, banging against the stainless steel sink. How did he know that? I slowly looked over my shoulder at him, "How can you be sure?" Did I really want to know the answer to that question? I just pray that if it's the truth it's Gyu's and not his. I'm going to have to move fast, and contact Kate. Soobin answered, "Because a demon always feels it in his bones. I have that sixth sense. And like I mentioned just weeks ago, it's mine." I gulped remembering that day on the staircase, the way he had her pinned up against the wall, the very words he said. What if it was true? Gyu just might lose everything...including the love of his life. But I didn't want to think that. My manipulation tactic was not working. Soobin had to be with Mari. It was the only way for any of us to be happy. And why the hell does Soobin think, or why is he even perceiving the notion that Kate's pregnant? For the life of me, I hope for her sake, she protected herself somehow. That is, if all this is true. I stared at him in disbelief, "Soobs, stop thinking everything revolves around you. Kate is miles away, and you can't sense or feel anything." Soobin leaned back in his chair folding his arms over his chest, "Sit back and watch. I know what I'm talking about. Red will be mine." I didn't want to hear this. He was clearly talking nonsense. He needed help, and Mari was his golden ticket. He just had to open his eyes and heart to her. Kate belonged to Gyu. She may have been TXT's girl, but she is Gyu's fiancée. TXT's girl? When had I started thinking such? I guess I had from the moment she appeared at the lodge. We all started to feel some form of attachment to her. I felt a clench in my chest. I never hated her. In fact, I was falling in love with her. I could never tell her, and I still can't. Soobin may know, as well as Junnie, that I care for her in a particular way, but she can never know. I just want to admire her and cherish her from a distance. If I get close, I get nervous. I've had too many close calls. She's so beautiful and sexy as hell. Gyu is one lucky man to possess such a treasure. And I can clearly see why Junnie and Soobin have linked themselves to her. But that still doesn't give Soobin the right to think she's all his. I don't care that this fascination started many moons ago. She was Gyu's girl then. Just as much as she is today. He needed to let go of this obsession, and let her be. Let Gyu and her have their happiness. He needed to stop trying to come in between them, and destroy their love for each other. As I headed for the door, I laid a hand on my best friend's shoulder, "Soobs, call Mari. Just hear her out."