Lovesong

Chapter 32

I was waiting by the passenger side of my car. I was trying to contain my patience. Time was ticking and we were cutting it short. I was looking everywhere but at the front door. I had my index finger laying against my lower lip in full thinking mode. What Soobin had said to my Kitty Kate weighed heavy on my mind. What could he have threatened her with? Whatever it is, it has her running scared, and trying to save him all at the same time. From my peripheral vision, I saw the front door opened, and I sighed with relief. My Kitty Kate. She'd been crying. She shaded her eyes with my favorite pair of sunglasses. Why did she always look so good wearing my things? She approached me sadly. I the twinge of her pain, "You ready? You have everything you need? Your boarding pass? Your ticket? Your passport?" She nodded the tip of her tongue licking her bottom lip, "Yes, in my bag." She stepped into me, laying the top of her head on my chest as her fingers curled around the material of my shirt at the sides of my chest, "Cookie, I can't do this." I heard the lack of confidence in her voice. I rubbed the upper part of her arms and dropped a kiss on her head, "Baby, you can. Take a deep breath. You can't get cold feet now. Look at me." She lifted her head. I smiled at her, "You're beautiful. You're talented. They're going to love you. And to think you're going home." I tucked a lock of her behind her ear, "Our future home in Daegu." She nodded, her eyes lowering between us, "I know. But this...this doesn't feel right." My heart saddened and I curled my index finger under her chin, raising her eyes to meet mine, "Kate, what do you mean? This? Us?" She grimaced, "If course not, Cookie. You is where I belong. I meant all the secrets. I feel like it's not fair to them." My eyes widened in complete surprise, my eyebrows arching, "Baby, what's not fair? We agreed this is for your protection. If Soobs finds out, he'll destroy us. He's already on the verge of doing so. I don't want to risk that. Do you?" She fell into my arms, "Cookie, I'm so scared he's going to find out either way. He says he knows people in California. What if he goes there in search of me, and finds out I'm not there, then what?" I wrapped my arms around her, "Kate, he won't. If we just stick to the plan. We need to go so you don't miss the plane." I turned and opened the car door for her. She ducked inside wiping the falling tears away. Something was clearly upsetting her. I don't know if it was really Soobin or the idea of leaving Junnie behind. If I say something about it now, I'll only further upset her, and I don't want that. My stomach churned sour. Please tell me she's not crying tears over Junnie. I won't be able to handle it. Did he say something to me? I knew I'd made the wrong decision to leave them alone after witnessing him all over her earlier today. So being the fiancé that I am, I slid in behind the wheel  and started the car. I reached for my sunglasses on the dashboard and shaded my eyes from the bright afternoon sun. As we pull out of the half circle driveway, I reach for her hand and bring to my lips, kissing it. I tell her I love her, and she gazes at me sweetly. She said softly, leaning into me, placing her right hand on my cheek and kissing the other, "I love you too, Cookie."  The corners of my mouth turned up. We rode in silence for awhile. The wheels were spinning. I wanted to know what Soobin had said to her. I had a right to know. Anyone who threatens Kate, threatens me. We were a packaged deal. I took my eyes off the road long enough to catch my love focusing on the scene that passed up by outside the passenger window. I touched her thigh to get her attention, "Kitty Kate, penny for your thoughts." She hummed turning her attention on me. I pressed my lips together, "Talk to me. What's going on?" She removed the sunglasses, laying them in her lap. She'd been crying this whole time. Her eyes were swollen and damp, and focusing on the sunglasses in her lap, "Cookie, can't you come with me? I don't want to be alone." Ok. Now I'm really scared for her. I blurted out loudly, banging my palm on the steering wheel, "What did HE say!" She jumped in her seat, "Don't scream at me, Cookie. Please I'm an emotional wreck already." I pulled over off the interstate, putting the car in park. I turned towards her  and reached for her hands, "Kitty Kate, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I know this is hard for you. Our plans changed and I'm sorry for that too. Our dreams just keep getting pushed back further. I was hoping to have been married to you by now. I'll handle Mari and get it all straightened out again. I promise, baby. You don't know how angry I am with myself that I shredded those damn divorce papers." She twisted her nose, "Cookie, it's not that. I trust in you that you will marry me one day. It's just the Soobin ordeal. The things he said. Can he really ruin my career? Everything I've worked so hard for? Rake me through the coals if I don't do as he says?" Oh I was pissed now, but I had to get reign in on my temper. I had to stay calm for her. I licked my suddenly dry lips, and I cupped her face. "Baby, listen to me. Hell no he can't. You don't have to do a damn thing that he ask you to do. You are not at his beck and call. He doesn't own you, and I will make that abundantly clear to him. He's only out to hurt himself. Your career is not in jeopardy because of him. He's only trying to pull the wool over your eyes. You can't let him get the best of you. Don't give him that kind of control." She cried, "But Cookie, look what he did to you. You're paying for his mistakes." I admitted feeling ashamed, "Yes, I am. I was blindsided by him and Mari. You are not. Kate, together, we can defeat him. As long as you stay strong. Don't bend at the sight of his tears or sob story. He's only trying to wiggle you in. Baby, listen to me. You may think I'm a fool for saying this, but I can't risk losing you. You are the best I have going in my life. You are the best thing, Katelyn Blue. And I love you so much and I'd do anything for you. You know that." She  stated solemnly, "Cookie, I do. I just wanted to be sure Soobin couldn't wreck my career." I rested my forehead to hers, "I won't let him."

We made it to the airport in the nick of time. We had to rush to the terminal though. There was no time to linger. I felt so rushed. I just wanted a few more minutes with her. I hadn't expected all my emotions to come crashing all at once. We were only a few people behind some others in line. I made sure Kate had everything in her hands. I turned her to face me, taking her face into my hands, "Kitty Kate." She stated softly pressing her lips together, "Cookie, don't. Come with me." I searched her eyes, tucking a strand of her strawberry blond hair behind her ear, "Baby, I wish I could. You're going to get on that plane. You're going to be strong. You're going to be the woman I know you are. And you're going to make me proud." She nodded as a tear fell from her green eyes. I was trying my damnedest to contain my own tears. It was hard for me to be strong when all I wanted to do was run with her. We had come so far since that day at the lodge. All of ups abs downs. We'd fallen out and fallen back together. Somehow it's always been Kitty Kate and I since the beginning. We've never been apart, except when I took the offer to join TXT, and it brought me here, separating us for a little while. Now the tables have turned. It's my time to feel the way she felt the day I left. Only then we were the best of friends. Not lovers. Not fiancé to fiancée. It's a big difference. I will marry this woman. That's been my intentions all along. Every since that day I slid the engraved ring on her left index finger. Did I know then it would be her wedding band? I was just a kid in high school, but I felt the tug in my heart. Kate was my promise, my love of a lifetime. My hands fell away and I felt her gentle touch on my cheek. She asked, shaking me from my blank stare, "Cookie, you ok?" My eyes lowered in between us and pressed my own lips together, "Yeah. Just remembering some things." She slide her arms around my neck, stepping into me. She smiled, "Good things I hope." I snaked my arms around her waist, "Always." The line shifted and we moved another step forward. The closer we got, the more nervous I became. I clearly was not ready to say to goodbye. Even it was for a little while. I felt like my heart was being torn in to. Split down the middle. Jagged. She pecked my lips, seeing the sadness in my eyes, "Cookie, I know. This is killing me too. We'll be together soon....right?" I licked my lips with a quick nod, "Yes. That's a promise." We took another step. Oh gosh....we were next. My hold on her tightened. I squeezed her to my chest. Here came the rain. The lady at the runway stated, "Next." Just a little bit longer. Just one last kiss. One last embrace. Anything. I whispered in her ear, "Kate, I can't. I don't have the strength to let you go." She pulled back just enough to rest her forehead to mine, touching my wet cheek once more, "Then don't, Cookie. I love you so much. Promise you'll come see me soon." My eyes glistened with tears, and I sealed my promise with a long awaited passionate kiss. This time we didn't do a selfie with aegyo's. We just gave our farewell, until we meet again, our sweet goodbye ended with a lingering kiss, a kiss of what tomorrow holds. I told her again how much I loved her and I set her free. Suddenly I felt my world slipping away as she made her to the runway. This time there was no turning back. She had to go. I had to accept the fact that I'd be returning to the TXT house without her. She walked a few steps and glanced back over her shoulder at me. This was painful and we both would heal. I forced a smile, blew her a kiss and waved. She mouthed to me that she loved me then turned and disappeared down the path. She was gone. I stepped out of line and collapsed into a chair. My rose, my lovesong, my ito gone from my sight. I felt abandoned, alone. I slumped down in the chair and leaned my head back. I was trying to find the strength on how I was going to handle her not being around. Kate was my rock, my source of strength. Without her I feel weak. Even when I left her stranded years ago, I didn't feel quite as strong. Back then I knew I loved her, it just wasn't love like this. I can still smell her on my clothes. Her sweet vanilla scent  blended so well with my fruity fragrance. How I was going to miss the very smell of her! My beloved Kitty Kate. I ran my hands over my face, taking a deep breath. I said I silent prayer hoping she has a safe flight, but on the other hand I wanted her to come back. I just wanted to be with her, and only her. No matter where life takes us, we'll never be apart. Not truly. We're always connected at the heart. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I sighed heavily reaching for it. I regretted we didn't take one last photo, but neither one of us looked presentable enough to do so. My eyes fell to the screen. Reflecting back at me was a text message from Kate, along with a selfie of her. She was on the plane. She was really doing this. And I'm so proud of her even though I'm hurting. She was blowing me a kiss. Her message read: Love you, Cookie. See you soon. 🫶🏻💋 I ran the pad of my thumb over her face. I was missing her already. The second she turned her back. I was missing her before she slipped out of my arms. Seems like yesterday when she looked at me this way. She stole my heart away and I've never been the same. It's the strangest feeling like a raging fire that burns. I can honestly say love changes everything. It can make you fly, or like today, it can break your wings.