Lovesong

Chapter 34

I rose to my feet walking to the other side of the room. I wanted to put a good bit of space between Gyu and I. Ever since this morning I haven't been able to think straight. I'd really wished I'd seen Kate one last time instead of hiding out here or in my room. I was too afraid to face her. Too ashamed of what I'd done. Junnie had belittled me for it, and actually made me feel like I wasn't good enough for the likes of her. But who was he to dictate to me who can I abs can not appreciate. She was best friend long before he stepped into her life anyway. She's not his, and has not right thinking so. I'm not stupid or dumb. My feelings for Kate run wild. They always have. It's hard biting my tongue every time she came around. Somehow I kept to myself, dealing with the heartache of knowing I was only wishing on star. She belonged to Gyu anyway. Once I saw him ask her to marry him, I knew my chances were out the window. I'm not her type. I'm not Gyu. And she's truly devoted and so in love with him. If she'd given me half a chance I would have bet my life, like I bet my heart, that she was the one. I'd never been so sure of anything. She drives my heart crazy. That's why I couldn't hold out. I couldn't hold back. I'd thought about it for so long. She wasn't mine, but I felt like she was. As crazy as it sounds. Maybe it's because we've close all these years. I had to tell someone, and Tae just happened to be there, but I had no idea he'd drive me to do the unthinkable. But I wanted her to look at me, and see I'd fallen like a fool for her. That I'd do anything she'd want me to. I always told myself that I was in too deep, then I fall a little farther every time she looked at me. I've really got it bad for Kit Kate, and I'm afraid Gyu is going to hate me, maybe even despise me, when I come clean. I looked off to the side, swallowed my pride, and mumbled, "I kissed Kate."

Gyu's heart couldn't take it. He stared at me coldly for what seemed like the longest time. His mouth was in a straight line, his head slightly cocked. I couldn't bare to look at my best friend, and he knew it. I felt the daggers just like I knew I would. I braced myself and awaited the wrath of Beomgyu Choi. I knew in my heart that was the last straw with him. I crossed the line with the first text in telling his fiancée I was falling in love with her, but this was the hook, line and sinker. He gritted his teeth and growled, "You did what?! Tell me you just did not say what I thought I heard you say?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Kai Huening, you've done it now! Some friend you are! Here I am telling you how much I'm suffering without her! And you hit me with this! When did you do it?! Why the fuck did you do it?!" I went to speak, keeping my eyes on the floor, staring at my feet, but Gyu cut me off. He hollered, "Damn you, Kai! Why the hell are all of you screwing me over?!" I felt horrible, and I was holding back everything, my emotion, the tears. I closed my eyes, and shook my head, "Gyu, I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me." He stormed up to me and banged a fist on the wall next to my head causing me to jump. He screamed in my face, "You don't know what got into you! You've never been man enough to kiss a girl! Why the fuck did you kiss mine?!" He banged his fist again. "You better start talking now!!" I slowly raised my eyes, meeting his tear filled eyes, "Gyu, it was an honest mistake. I did it without thinking. You know I would never intentionally hurt you. Kate's my friend. You're my friend." He roared, "Friends don't screw their friends! Don't tell me it was a mistake! You knew what you were thinking when you did it! It's obvious to me now that you've had this planned all along! You were just waiting for the perfect moment to attack! And now the guilt is eating you alive now that you're face to face with me! You can't even look at me! It's no wonder you want to hideaway in this god damn hoodie!" He shoved the side of my head. "I could really beat the shit out of you for doing this to me, but I don't have the strength! Not today!"

Gyu just stood there holding his breath, his nostrils flaring. No matter what I said in this moments, it wouldn't make things better. It seemed like I was only digging myself a deeper whole. I should have just carried this to my grave. Maybe telling Gyu was not the best thing to do. I just care about Kate so much, and I betrayed them both. If there was any reason to lock me up and throw away the key, this was it. Gyu glared at his best friend, feeling the swords of betrayal stabbing him from every angle. He knew deep down that Kai was the most harmless of them all. He's only seeing rivals everywhere he turns. I found the strength to speak, "Gyu, you have to believe me. If you feel the need to hit me, go ahead. I can take it. I'm not Soobs. I'm not Junnie. I'd never lure her or take her to my bed. I love her, but I know better." Gyu choked on his words, "You...you love her?" I slowly nodded, not hiding it anymore, "I do. Gyu, she's just so lovable. You of all people know that." He moved to the side of me falling against the wall, "That she is, Kai. But she's mine to love. She has been since day one. I just don't understand why all of you are stepping on my toes to get to her? Who put you up to this? Because I know you wouldn't have done it on your own. Like me, you're too afraid to follow your heart." Thankfully his voice had softened, and I was glad for the soundproof walls. Being the good person I am, I couldn't throw Tae under the bus. Did Gyu have any idea that Tae might have feelings too? I'd caught on to to that while we were talking. I recognized the look in his eyes when I walked in on them. It was a look I'd seen many times in my own eyes when I looked at her. Tae would eventually burn his own bridge with Gyu. I wasn't about to rat him out. I fidgeted with the drawstring of my hoodie, "Gyu, I surprised myself. No one had anything to do with it. It was an urge. She was looking so beautiful sitting there and....." I saw him cut me the evil eyes, "I'll shut up now. I'm sorry." He was clearly upset with Kate not being here, and I saw the distance in his eyes. I wasn't for sure if he would welcome it, but I slipped my arm around his neck, and he leaned into me laying his head on my shoulder. I somehow sensed we were going to get through this. Time would tell. Right now all that mattered was my being here for him to help with the pain of missing Kate.