Lovesong

Chapter 62

I rolled over the next morning, groggy from sleep, and I noticed the bloody bandage on my hand. I don't recall what happened. I hope I didn't hurt anyone. I remember faintly my conversation with Junnie. I wonder still if he plans to go with me today, or if I have to go with that nerve wracking cackling Mari. I threw back the covers, and grabbed the tshirt that hung over the bed post. I left my room, pulling it over my head. As soon as I reached the stairs, I heard her. My skin crawled. I raked my fingers through my tousled hair and groaned. What the hell! What the fuck was Mari doing in our house? Who let her in? It was way too early to face this nuisance. I truly was not ready for this. And when I find out who let her in, I will personally beat the shit out of them. The guys know she's not allowed inside. She's not even supposed to be on the grounds. Sasaeng's have no reason to be inside our house. In fact, that's a big no no. They're not supposed to see how we live. We don't like our personal business to be spread all over social media. I don't care that she's not in that business anymore. Once a sasaeng, always a sasaeng! I walk into the kitchen, and immediately Mari stops talking. She's on her feet and in my face, "Soobin." She embraced me, pulling me to her chest. I grunted in disgust, looking at Kai. He lifted his chin to me. I pushed away from her, "Stop touching me, woman. What the hell ate you doing here? And inside our house?" She smiled, "Soobin, my love. We have a date, remember? Aren't you ready for our big date?" She noticed my wrapped hand and reached for it, "Soobin, what happened?" I snatched it away, hiding it behind my back, "Woman, that's none of your concern! And besides, I'm not going anywhere with you! You shouldn't have come! In fact, you need to leave! Get out!" I pointed to the door, "Get out! You're not welcomed here!" She rejoined Kai at the table laughing, "Oh, Soobin, I'm not going anywhere. This day is just getting started." I wanted to rip her from that chair and throw her ass out the front door, but I just didn't have the energy. This is one reason why I hate taking that stupid medication...it zaps me to where I'm sluggish. I drag myself over to the coffee maker. Maybe some of my strong coffee will perk me up. I cut hard, narrow eyes at Kai then at Mari. If only Kate were here, then we could have one big party! Kate...oh my sweet, sweet Red. I sure do miss her. She's the one I need right now. Not Mari. Not this. I stated to evil witch, "Don't get too comfortable. You're not staying." I poured myself a cup of strong coffee. Black. Not sugar. No cream. I need it full strength. Mari turned in her chair, "Honey, you're not going to do anything. You need me. Look at yourself. You're pitiful." She motioned to the way I was dressed. So what? I was in baggy lounge pants and my most comfortable tshirt. It's just too early for this. Too early to deal with her. The sun's not even up and this woman is in my house. And why is Kai up so early? I'll deal with him later. Right now, she has to go. I set my cup on the counter, and I grab her by the arm, hauling her out of the chair. She whined, "Baby, ow. You're hurting me." I growl in her face, "Do you think I really care? Why don't you ever heed my warning? Do you think this is a game?" She twisted within my grip, "Soobin, I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. I love you." I made a disgusted sound with my mouth, "Bitch, please. You don't even know the meaning of love. Do you honestly think I could ever love a woman like you? You do nothing for me, but disgust me." She pleaded sadly, "Soobin, please. Just give me a chance. Give us a chance. Let me prove it to you. You need me." I shoved her out of the kitchen, "I don't need you or this. Why can't get get it through that dense head of yours? I don't love you. I never loved you. And I'll never will love you." Kai pushed his chair back and rose to his feet, resting his palms on the table, "Soobs." I snapped at him, "Sit down, Kai Huening! This doesn't concern you!" Mari pulled against me, "Soobin, please. I know you love Kate, but it's time to leave that fantasy behind. You have to let her go. You can't love her. You can't have her." I roughly slammed her back up against the wall and roared in her face, "Who are you to tell me what to do?! You will not speak of Kate! Is that clear?!" Mari smirked with tears in her eyes, "You don't frighten me, Soobin. You don't really love her. You can't love her. You're not capable of loving anyone." Was she really egging me on? Was she trying to piss me off? The formed a fist with my bandaged hand and banged it on the wall above her head in anger, "You better shut your god damn trap now!" Pain seared through my fingers and up my arm. I hissed, realizing just how I had hurt my hand. Last night I'd been staring at myself in the mirror over the bathroom sink, arguing with the voices in my head. I couldn't take it much more so I slammed my fist against the glass, cracking and shattering it over and over until blood was all over my hand, running down my arm, and splattering into the sink. At the time I didn't feel the pain. I just wanted them to shut up. I hollered and screamed for them to, cursing them. My eyes narrowed into thin slits at her, "Kate is the only woman I'll ever love! You or no one else can change that! She will be mine!" She laughed at me. The damn heifer laughed in my face. I grabbed her by the jaw. She quieted, and fear entered her eyes, "It's too late for you. She's married, Soobin." My hold tightened. I knew it be true. I'd felt it, but I didn't want it to be. I needed Kate with me. I needed Kate in my life. She is my only cure. I looked at her hurtfully. Why was she doing this to me? Why do I continuously have to suffer? It's enough with the drugs and the monsters. I didn't need this first thing this morning. I asked her, keeping my hold on her jaw, "Why are you determined to make my life a living hell? You have no idea what I need." She reached out a hand and her fingers touched my chest, "Soobin, please. I didn't come here to cause any trouble. Think of Bimi." I rolled my eyes. Here it comes. I hissed, "Let that shit go, Mari! How am I to be a father if I barely have control of my own life?! Do you really want our son to be raised by a man like me? Look at me, Mari. I'm a fucking nightmare. I'm far beyond help." She shook her head, "No, Soobin. That's not true. According to Kate, she thinks the world of you. That's why I'm here." My hold on her loosened. Kate thinks the world of me. I snap, "Stop speaking her name. You know nothing about her." She caressed my cheek, "Baby, I know she cares about you." I cringed at her touch. It just wasn't the same as Kate's. It was soothing. Comforting. Or warm. It was cold and callous. I knock her hand from my face, "I said for you not to touch me! And besides, if Kate gave two nuts about me, your ass wouldn't be in my house!" She stepped up to me leaning the top of her head against my chest, and the tip of her fingers were on my hips. I curled my upper lip. What the hell? She whined my name, "I just love you so much. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I need you. I don't care that you screwed up. I love you anyway. Let me take care of you. We can get through this together." I snatched her by the upper part of her arms, "Stop this nonsense! You're only making a fool of yourself! You and I were done years ago! And I won't go there with you again!We agreed to never, never," I shook her, "to cross each other's path! I gave you what you wanted! Let me have what I want! And I want Kate!" I heard movement on the stairs. I spotted Gyu. He had heard my words. He appeared hurt. Sad. Broken. Damn me!