Lovesong

Chapter 19

As I left the my bedroom, I closed the door to give Kate her privacy. My Kitty Kate is still Kate. I just need to be sure to remind her of that. Soobin may have hurt her deeply, but he can't destroy her. I won't let him. I'll love her through thick and thin...better and worse. We've made so many beautiful memories together. And I'm some way I know my love will cure her. And by that she can learn to love herself again. Granted, only time will tell. I make my way to the kitchen, just as I open the refrigerator, it hits me. The waves of helplessness for Kate. I crumble. I fall apart right there  amongst the cold drinks and leftovers. I hold onto the door for support as I feel the tears sliding down my face. I took a deep breath trying my damnedest to understand why Soobin did this. What was he really thinking? I'd get to the bottom of that later. I'm sure his answer will always be the same. Kate was not his to take. I don't care how he feels about her. She's my fiancé. I was lost in my thoughts and tears that I didn't even hear Kai walk in. He knocked lightly on the counter to get my attention, "Gyu?" I don't know how long I'd been standing there, but it must've been awhile. I glanced over my shoulder at him, acknowledging him. He asked concerned, "Is everything all right?" My response to his question was, "It will be once Kate's out here tomorrow." He pressed his lips together, "And Kate?" I closed the refrigerator door, "Kate's..." I couldn't even say it. It just hurt too much. Kai nodded and understood. I pushed a brown paper bag on the counter, and said with a smile, "Junnie bought you and Kate dinner." I stared at the bag. I appreciated his thoughtfulness, but once again he was trying to whittle his way into Kate's heart. I can take care of my own woman! The food smelled wonderful and I am starving. I asked, "Where are the others?" Kai replied, "Somewhere around here. So what's the next step? Is Kate going to our manager about this? I really didn't want to talk about it, but Soobin's actions reeked havoc on our career, and we all feared what could happen. I leaned over the counter , resting my elbow there, and my chin in my palm, "I don't think she will. I don't know at this moment. She knows how much all this means to us, but if that's what she decides, I won't hold it against her. You can't blame her for wanting to do what's right." Kai agreed once again, "Yeah. But why, Gyu? What was going through Soobs head?" I noticed the bottle of Jack Daniel's on the counter from the corner of my eye, "I pretty much have a good idea." I grabbed it by its neck  and tossed it with such a great force, "Ugh!!!" I hollered  as it shattered hitting the wall. Amber liquid splattered, streaking down the walls. Kai reassured me, "Dude, it's going to be ok." As much as I wanted to believe, I was still so uncertain. Uncertain about everything. Soobin really messed up my last night with Kate, and I resent him for it. I wanted it to be special since I had no idea when I'd see her again. Thankfully she's only staying in Daegu, but the others can not know that. In time they will, and I'm dreading the moment they find out. I stared the splattered mess on the floor and wall. The room reeked in the fowl odor of whiskey. The longer I stood here thinking on the things Kate endured, the madder I became. He had no right! I just can't believe he put his hands on her...again. In places that made my skin crawl. The most intimate places that should only be known between two people who love each other. And he did it so carelessly. And he struck her. What real man hits a woman? My woman. My Kitty Kate. He can do me wrong time and time again, but never involve Kate. She's not his toy. He can't just go around manhandling her. And he left marks are her skin that are unforgivable. I growled banging a fist down on the counter, "Where is he?" A startled Kai scratched the back of his head, "His room, I think. When we got back, he went straight upstairs. Why? Gyu, let it go for now. Go take care of Kate. Take her the food before it gets cold." I cut eyes at him. If he's upstairs so is Kate. I got a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach. I grabbed the paper bag, and ran out of the room. Kate did not need to be left alone with that monster upstairs. As I made a beeline up the stairs to my room, I saw Junnie standing in his doorway. His eyes had been fixated on my closed door. I lifted my chin acknowledging him and thanked him for the food. He nodded, "How is she?" I really wish he hadn't asked me, but I knew he cared no matter how much I wish he wouldn't. There's not much I can do when he has a heart of gold for my Kitty Kate. How long had Junnie been standing there, all eyes on my closed door? I was surprised he kept his distance considering how close him and Kate are. I knew he was concerned about her even though he didn't know all the details. And when he asked how she was I wanted to hit the roof. My head screamed..."how do you think she is?" But I took a deep breath and simply said, "As to be expected for someone who's been traumatized." I knew it was killing him to know. But this was between Kate and I, and eventually Soobin. Soon enough they will know what happened tonight. The last time this had happened he'd been the one to console her and take care of her. I could tell he was crushed. "Tell her I asked. Ok?" he stated turning into his room and closed the door. I kicked the carpet with the toe of my shoe, "Damn it!" Was i wrong to keep this from him? Did it really concern him? He did bring Kate dinner. I approached his room and raised my fist to knock on his door just when it opened. He seemed surprised, "Gyu?" I exhaled, "Can we talk?" He opened the door further, offering me in. I held up the bag, "Let me take this to Kate. Then we'll talk." He gave a quick nod, "Sure thing. Tend to her. I'm heading down for something to drink then I'll be back up. I'll leave the door open." He walked passed me heading down the stairs. I walked across the hall to my room. As I approached the door I heard singing. Singing?? Kate was singing? Softly singing. I opened it to find her dressed for bed, sitting there with my acoustic guitar was in her arms, her black book opened on the bed. She strummed the strings. She was in song mode...writing. How is it she came do this, or be inspired after what she's been through? She didn't even see me. I leaned against the doorframe swooning as she sang:

'Thought I could define it
One look in your eyes
Went and proved me wrong
I find myself speechless
This feeling of completeness
Is so strong
And I was convinced that my heart had reached its limit
Until you created this new place in it
Your touch wraps around me
In love it knows no boundaries now
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
You're the answer I've been needing
Life has a whole new meaning now
All because of you
Everything's different
There's no frame of reference
For the way I feel
To look at your face
I'm still amazed
I can't believe you're sleep
Hanging on every breath that you breathe'
Your touch wraps around me
In love it knows no boundaries now
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
You're the answer I've been needing
Life has a whole new meaning now
All because of you'

God how I love this woman of mine. She's strong even when she's falling apart. I saw a solitary tear slide down her cheek. Her eyes met mine. She smiled, "Cookie." I was even moved by tears, "Baby, it's beautiful." She wiped away anther tear that escaped the corner of her eye, "I wrote it for you. I wanted you to know that what's happened to me is not the end of me. It's the beginning."

I walked in and closed the door with the heel of my shoe. I smiled, "That's wonderful, baby. Quite moving actually. I'm so proud of you for not letting this get you down. You're the strongest person I've ever known, Kitty Kate. Junnie brought food." She set the guitar aside as I opened the bag at the foot of the bed, "Cookie, I wouldn't say that. He did? That's so sweet of him." Hmm. I didn't really like her saying that. He's too sweet on her actually. She moved to the foot of the bed and tucked her legs under her. I handed her a plastic to go container, "Looks like some sort of pasta." She took it from me eagerly and tore open the lid. The room filked with aroma of garlic and lots of melted cheese. It filled my heart with so much love that I couldn't help but to smile watching her. It was in that split second I knew she was going to be all right. I watched in awe as she opened the utensils and twisted the fork into the pasta, bringing a forkful to her opened mouth. She moaned, "Yummm...this is so good." Junnie definitely made the right choice for her. She took another bite, "Aren't you going to eat?" I smiled looking away shyly, "Maybe later. I'm contented just watching you." She sat the food aside and moved up on her knees to stand before me. She reached for my hands with hers, "Cookie, I'm really sorry about tonight. I feel so bad." The smile I'd been wearing vanished. For a moment, I was thinking all was perfect, but Kate had to go and remind me that it wasn't. I wanted badly to touch her and to kiss her, but I'm too scared to. Just like before. Frightened by what Soobin had done. Something like that has to be devastating and changes someone from the inside out. When Soobin hurt her, he hurt me too. And I'm not one to get over my hurt so easily. I brought Kate's hands to my lips kissing them, "Don't be. I told you, baby, that I don't blame you." She nibbled on her lower lip, "I know, Cookie, and I love you so much. I don't want to lose you over this. I almost lost you before. And I don't want what happened to jinx what you and I have." I towered over her, caressing her left cheek, "Kitty Kate, I love you so much. So fucking much. That bastard will never take away this love we have for each other." I leaned in close to her lips. They parted. An open invitation. But I resisted. She said softly, "I want you to, Cookie. I won't break." When my mouth crushed upon hers, I came apart at the seams.
My whole world was right here in my hands, and Soobin had shaken it up, broken it and shattered it into a million pieces. My Kitty Kate is so beautifully broken. I know she wants to feel my love, but I'm unsure. Scared. Frightened. And I think she's a little bit too. Even though she loves me, I felt the tremble in her lips the moment we touched. Maybe Soobin did more damage than we were both aware of. I tasted the salt of my own tears in our kiss. How is it possible that one person could wreck us both? I dropped my head on her shoulder, and sobbed like a baby, "I'm sorry, Kate." She slipped her arms around me, holding me, "It's ok. We'll get through this. It's too soon, I know. I just wanted to know that you're still with me. I wanted to feel it somehow. I shouldn't have pushed." I lifted my head sniffling, "Like I said, you're so strong you amaze me sometimes. Kate, you don't have to doubt my love for you...ever. I want these things. I do. I want to hold you and to kiss you, but please understand me." I sat down beside her on the bed, "I need time. Soobs just didn't break you he broke me, too." I felt her brush away a tear from my cheek, "I know. I feel it too. Just know I love you. But I can't be strong for both of us. You're going to grow from this if you intend on us to get through this." I sighed heavily. She was right. It seems all of this with Soobin would make us both stronger somehow. He has really done a number on both of us mentally, physically and emotionally.