Lovesong

Chapter 36

I looked off to the side. I couldn't tell him. There's no way he can know. It's bad enough that Junnie knows my true feelings. If Soobin finds out, that will put a wedge between Gyu and I. I can't risk that. Yes, I do have feelings for the strawberry shortcake. I think I like her more than I should. But he can't know that. I have to keep it to myself. Bite my tongue. And pray the truth never comes out. Soobin pushes on my shoulder, "It's the truth. Isn't it? Come on...You can tell me. It'll be a first for you." I gazed at him strangely, "Dude, I'm not in love. She's not type, and besides, there's been plenty of women. I'm just not as open about as you are." That was a lie. I've always been a man without a plan. But I never seriously dated or been with a woman. Oh, I flirt, and I can be mean as hell. But most of the time, I'm quiet and I keep to myself. Or at least I have recently. That was until Kate. I am a man who can't hold a conversation when it comes to a woman. Oh, the fans are different. We have to act a certain way in front of them. We have to be who we're not. I was a loner until she came along. Before when we're just teenagers, I pushed her aside never noticing her, or her freckles, or her adorable pinned up nose, or those sexy green eyes. I'd seen her many times at the Gypsy when we would visit, but there again, I never thought much about her. When she came to the lodge that day, my attitude shifted, I despised her and everything she stood for simply because of the things Soobin had told me. He had sucked me into his little twisted game, a game he controlled since high school. At first I thought he was joking, then he told me about Mari and the baby, and how he had concocted a story to screw over the life of Beomgyu Choi. At the time I had no idea why...until I heard him speak of the name of Katelyn Blue. It had always been a name on his lips since her softball days. And also in high school he dreamt up the story of Kizzy. A story he stuck too until just a few months ago. I knew from the beginning there was no Kizzy, but I went with it to save face, because he's my best friend. Soobin had always been a little off. He led a troubled life. And his parents either pushed him aside or would smack him around. I'm beginning to wish I never told Kate, but Soobin let that cat out of the bag as well. Somehow his past has drawn her a little closer to him despite all the hell he's put her through. But anyway, back to me...Yes, I was always alone until Kate came along...into my work, and writing music. Now she's got me singing. Thinking of songs about her. She's weaved herself into my heart, filling my head with new emotions. Emotions I never welcomed before. But I can't mention that. I can't tell anyone that it hurts like heaven and it feels so good. I found when I talked with her, I didn't want to shut up. She's quite interesting. And so beautiful. She has such a loving and giving heart. Such a gentle spirit. When she was here everyday was like a permanent vacation, and she was my favorite drug.

Soobin shook me from my thoughts of my favorite shortcake when he shoved my shoulder again, "Tae, what the hell are you thinking? You're thinking of her, my Red." I flashed him an 'are you serious' look, "Soobs, seriously you have to stop with that crap. Just because someone is thinking doesn't mean it's about Kate. And just for the record, she's not your Red. She'll never be your Red. She's engaged to Gyu...meaning she belongs to him." I draw the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, "Let it go, Soobs. See it for what it is. She's in love with Gyu. It's always been Gyu. I know she's lovable." Oh geez...I shouldn't have said that. He's cocking his eyes at me strangely now. He questioned, "Lovable? What the f*** do you know about love? She cares about me. She says so. She wants to help me be a better person." I hated to say my best friend was truly turning delusional. He's beginning think just because she's being nice means she's cares differently. He needs to know that doesn't mean love. Kate's just an overly nice person. She's unlike anyone I've ever known. I've never seen anyone get knocked around by a monster and still be willing to do what she can to seek them help. She just bounces right back. She's so strong. And that alone makes all of us look weak. Yes, I know Soobin scares her, and that's all the reason I've turned to protecting her. She's too good of a person to be treated like that. It does a number on me when I see him strike her to the ground, or take advantage of her physically. I still never recovered fully after I heard that he made her miscarry. Even though the baby was Gyu's, I was devastated. She was the cutest thing pregnant. So nurturing. So radiant. All glowing. And she was happy. Not to say she's not happy now, but that was the happiest I'd seen her. And Soobin took all that away in one night leaving her to deal with the unforgettable nightmare. Maybe it's me with the nightmare. I wasn't there. I didn't see the evidence. I didn't need to. Gyu told us everything, and look at Kate now. She picked herself up and went on. How she does it I don't know.