Lovesong

Chapter 25

When I walked into the kitchen I spoke to Kate. She was sitting at the table like she was in a trance. She had a stunned expression on her face and I caught sight of a lonely tear sliding down. I ignored it at first, knowing she had a lot on her mind with leaving and all. So I went about my morning routine as usual. I reached into the cabinet for a bowl and my favorite cereal, Fruit Loops. I filled the bowl to the rim, and turned to set it in the table with a spoon. Kate didn't even blink. She didn't even acknowledge me. Wow! Now I am curious as to what had her in such deep thoughts. Kate couldn't believe that Kai kissed her. What had brought that on? And why? She knew he cared about her. Why wouldn't he? They had been friends for a long time and had grown close over the years. But this one thing changed everything. I retrieved the milk from the refrigerator and joined her at the table. I added milk to my cereal and spoke to her again. Hmmm...nothing. I gave it a second or two, and dipped my spoon into the bowl, just as I brought the spoon to my gapping mouth, I saw Kate bring her fingers up to her lips. She pressed them together then twisted them. I dropped the spoon and touched her lower arm, "Hey Kate." She slowly turned her distant green eyes, meeting my gaze. I smiled, "There you are. Where did you go, love? I've been talking to you."  She gave me a timid smile, "Junnie, aren't you looking so soft and cuddly this morning?" I glanced down at the cream sweater I wore, "Oh this...I forgot it was one of your favorites. I think it may still have your scent on it." Did I really forget? No. The last time she wore it was at the lodge. And yes, it still had a hint of vanilla, even after it's been washed several times. She teased, "It always looked better in you anyway." Tears filled her eyes. Oh dear. I made the wrong choice. I scooted my chair over to her, "Love, I didn't want it to upset you." She shook her head, "It's ok. You didn't. It's just all this is finally hitting home. Yesterday it was easy. Today not so much." I shouldn't be touching her, but I couldn't resist. She's my Just Kate. I brushed a lock of hair away from her flawless cheek, "I understand, Kate. Change can be hard. But you're used to being on your own." She scrunched up her cute little pinned up nose, "It's not that, Junnie." I asked, reaching for her right hand, "Then what is it, love? Talk to me." She leaned into me, throwing her arms around my neck, "I just going to miss you so much." I rubbed her back, smiling over her shoulder, "Oh my sweet Just Kate, I'll miss you too. You know I will. Don't do this to yourself, ok.." I pulled her back by the upper part of her arms, even though I wanted to hold her longer. It was my desire to, simply because, I believe I was going to miss my Just Kate more than she was going to miss me. Even though I gave up my happiness with her for Gyu's, I still yearn for the moments Kate and I shared. It's all I have to reflect on.  If I could turn back time, I would. I'm still so in love in with her, and she's knows it. In fact, I know she's loves me too. I know I've made promises to Gyu, and I've broken every one. But when it comes to my Just Kate, it's all or nothing. And right now I' m all in. I want it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. She asked me as another tear trailed down her cheek, "How? You're so much a part of me." I took her face into my hands, "Love, what's going on? You were all excited about California." Her eyes searched my face. I could tell her mind was all over the place. And so was mine. I knew  I was going to be a little lost without her...being so far away. I just couldn't hop over and surprise her at the Gypsy. The Gypsy?? Oh, how that place held such a special meaning, a special place in my heart. It just won't be the same without her. Kate made my parents club a place worth going to. A place I could getaway to. A place to be with her. Now I won't even a have a reason to set foot into Daegu any time soon. She won't be there. Sad really. I watched how she nibbled on her lower lip, like she was debating about telling me something. Then she signed, "I am. It's just...so much has happened so fast. There are days I'm unsure about all of it. None of you will be there." She curled her fingers around my right hand on her cheek, "You won't be there." It tugged on my heart strings to see that she still appreciates me, but it also pained me a little. I wanted desperately to be with her. I knew I couldn't. I never would be again....not like we were. I always doubt why I made the decision I did. Why I gave up my happiness for the sake of a friend? It wasn't just me. I did it for Kate, too. She loves Gyu, and he loves her. The love we had was so different compared to the love I see between her and Gyu. I brought my lips to her forehead, "Aw, love. You're going to be amazing without me I have no doubt. You're already doing great things. It'll be just like it was before I came into your life." She found it hard not tell him the truth. The truth that California was not in the cards. Her plans had been changed. She'll be in Korea permanently. Just hours away. She had made a promise to Gyu to keep it between them only, but she was deceiving the others to keep herself safe from Soobin. Before it sounded reasonable. And now that she's face to face with Junnie, looking at her this way, she's slowly bending. He sat there with his right thumb partially in his gaping mouth, looking so sexy, so yummy. He was making it very hard not to cave in. His eyes were doing a lot of talking. He'd forgotten all about his breakfast. She had his full, undivided attention. Her eyes lowered to the table, "Junnie, don't look at me like that. You're making this goodbye very hard. You know my life has changed since you've been in it. I always been one to welcome change. But this....I don't know if I can without you. You've always been right there." God, I love this woman! I straighten myself in the chair and freshly reminded her, "Love, you can. What am I to you? Besides, you're with Gyu. As much as I want to be a part of life, I can't. Not in that way. I'll always have your back, and support you in any way I can." Lord help me I was dying inside. She wanted me to still be the secret part of her life, and I wanted that too. I also wanted so much more. I didn't want to let her go either. Deep down I knew if I set her free she wouldn't return to me. She has a future with Gyu, and that heart shaped diamond on her finger serves as a constant reminder. Not only to me but to all of us. I've crossed the line with her one too many since Gyu asked her to marry him. If all his plans fall apart, I might consider it. Until then, after yesterday's kiss, I have to back down. It only spiked all the things I've tried so hard to put behind me. My Just Kate is that beautiful memory of everything we shared. A time and a place where I changed into someone better by the touch of her hand. Her love will forever be a moment in time I'll treasure.

Kate rested her elbow on the table and her chin on her palm. She pouted, "Juunie, you're so important to me. Actually you're a very important part of my life. One I'll just have to take with me...at least for now. I haven't the foggiest idea when I'll come this way again. As of right now my schedule is already packed and I haven't even gotten started." I cracked a smile, "Welcome to my world, Just Kate. You'll get used to it. You'll be stretched thin for awhile, but you'll soon  adjust." She frowned, reaching for her empty coffee cup, "Gee thanks." She rose to feet walking over to the counter for a refill. She filled the cup and exhaled. She stood there for awhile with her back to mine. I could smell her. I could hear the rapid beat of her heart. I remembered our kiss. My blood was coursing through my veins straight to the very of me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't hold back any longer. I wasn't going to bare not seeing her again. One more. One last time. Gyu was apparently still asleep. I rested my index finger and middle finger under my bottom lip thinking heavily. Thinking too much. Watching the door. Waiting for the clearance. With no second thoughts I was on my feet. I spun Kate around taking her face into my hands abs firmly planting my lips on hers. Sweet Jesus the contact. The heat. The fire. Her lips parted under mine, welcoming my tongue. I felt her fingers curl around the material at the sides of my chest. She whispered my name when I pulled away long enough to catch my breath. My adorable Just Kate. She's killing me softly, yet has me screaming for more. I search her face, her eyes. Mesmerizing all that I could in this moment. Even though I had loads of precious memories with her, I want this one. This one right here. I rubbed my hands over her head, "Shhh...forget the world for a moment. It's just you and me. Let me have this with you." She became emotional and tears filled her eyes as well as mine, "Junnie." I kissed her, tears and all. Her salty tears mixing with mine. It was the sweetest and most painful goodbye. For both of us. I was surely going to miss all my "one more time's" with her. The passion between us is just too strong to resist, and somehow even thousands of miles away I'm sure I'll still feel that magnetic pull. Kate and I will always be so much more than friends or friends with benefits. She was my first love, my forever love. My real thing. My sure thing. My I wish should have kept her thing. My lips left hers trailing down the side of her neck. Fuck me! I was drowning in the vanilla sweetness of her. My hands glided down the sides of her chest to her hips. I lifted her up knocking over the cup of coffee behind her. She tore her kiss swollen lips from mine, cursing under het breath, looking at the mess behind her. I turned her face back to mine with my index finger on right side of her jaw. I replied thickly, "Leave it. Focus on me." My hungry mouth captured hers again.  She takes my breath away and saves me from the cold. I knew all this from that first night I saw her at the Gypsy. One ouch and we fire on fire. And when we shared our first kiss at the lodge I noticed we had so much desire. And yes, I know when we get together we're out of control, but we have such a beautiful rhythms, her and I. It's like two bodies dancing as one. She unfolds me when she tells me she loves me. I know it's one in sheer passion, but it still unravels me. And when she looks into my eyes, all I see is perfection. She's my perfection, my only direction. Suddenly I feel her lips turn to rigor mortis under mine. That's a first. She turns her head away ashamed, "Junnie, I can't. There's something I have to tell you." I froze right there between her legs. God forbid if it's Soobin again. I'll wring his neck. I raked an impatient hand through my hair, "Love." She closed her eyes and let out a ragged breath, "Kai kissed me." Well that was not what I expected. I fell back a step in a shocking state. Confusion fell over my face, "Whhhhat?" So I was the remnants of Kai's kiss? My face turned sour. I know I've kissed her after Gyu before, but Kai. Why the hell is Kai kissing my Just Kate. What provoked him to do so? This was insane. I knew he crushed on her, but come on. He's playing a game he knows he won't win. Just like with Soobin. They shouldn't be trying to turn tricks with her. And if Gyu finds out, he'll be devastated to know that his best friend is trying more with his fiancée than just text messages and pictures. This really upset her. She shook her head, "Junnie, I'm so sorry. I want to enjoy this with you. I always enjoy kissing you. I just can't...not with this weighing so heavily on my mind." I understood, or so I thought. Or I hid it at least. I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her close to my chest, "Oh Kate, my love." She cried into the crook of my neck, "I didn't want to leave like this. I can't tell Cookie." I rubbed her back and pulled her back, drying her tears with the pads of my thumbs, "And you won't." From the doorway we heard Gyu say around a long yawn, "Kate, you won't what?" Kate looked towards her fiancé then dropped her head on my shoulder and mumbled, "As if this morning couldn't get any worse."