Lovesong

Chapter 40

After her shift, Kate sat at a table at the Vintage, nursing an iced caramel macchiato. She'd been there awhile, and was flipping through the pages of her music book when the chime on the door sounded. At first Kate was caught up in the latest song she'd written. The very one Junseo had mentioned to her. She had written it the day she was on the plane, leaving Gyu, leaving at that mattered to her behind. She had wondered that day if she was doing the right thing, chasing her long awaited dream. Could she really make something of herself? All she's ever known is songwriting and performing...just for fun. She had thought about flying right back to Gyu. It's only been a few days, but oh how she missed him. She'd been in love before, but not like this. Gyu was her true love. Her one love. Her only love. Her soulmate. Her eyes became teary when she stared at the title, "See You Again." She didn't know when that day would be. Mari slid into the chair across from her after she draped her purse over the back of the chair, "Sorry I'm late." She could tell Kate was in another world. And she knew exactly how that feels. She sipped her plain coffee, "Kate, have you talked to him?" Kate closed her songbook, "What? " Mari motioned to the book, "Gyu. Have you talked to him? I know what it's like to be away from someone you love. Kate, like I said earlier tonight, I'm willing to end all this if you'll help me. I'm willing to let you have a future if you'll help me have mine." Kate sobbed, staring at the dark haired woman, "Do you have idea what Soobin Choi is capable of?" Mari admitted softly, "I do. A long time ago he had a playroom." Kate rubbed her wrists remembering the handcuffs. Had he used them on her. She coughed, "A what?" Mari repeated her words. Kate grimaced, "Oh hell no! That explains everything. But that's not what I was talking about. He has anger issues. He's hurt, Mari. Seriously damaged. Broken. He needs a strong bond to put him back together. He needs love and lots of it." Mari recalled the last time she saw him. She could tell that he wasn't himself...not the man she used to know. She didn't know what had happened I him. He had lost his smile. He'd always been a little unhinged, but not the monster everyone speaks of. When Mari heard these words it brought tears to her eyes. Her poor Soobin. She closed her eyes, "Kate, I tried. But it's hard to love someone when they're in love with someone else. I know it's not your fault. And I don't blame you for any of it. You were just an innocent victim caught up in his tormented wrath." Kate sat back in her chair. Oh geez! She knows. How does she know? She asked Mari, feeling the tip of the knife jab her skin, "How do you know about that?" Mari pressed her lips together, reaching for her steaming cup, "His best friend, of course." Kate gasped, "Tae told you! Oh my god! How embarrassing this is for me?" She dropped her face into her hands, "I just wanted that filth to stay a dirty secret. If word gets out to their manager, they'll all lose their jobs." Mari wiped away a drifting tear, "Kate, thank you. I know how hard this must be for you not to say anything. And you can believe the secret is safe with me. I'm so sorry for all that he's done to you. You didn't deserve any of it. It just doesn't sound like my bunny. I mean, why would he do those kind of things? Where was his head? He always did like it rough," Kate made a gagging sound like she was going to throw up, and Mari's eyes grew big, but she continued, "but not to that extreme." Kate covered her mouth with her finger tips holding back the nausea, "Please, Mari. Can you stop? I'm really feeling sick here." She apologized. Kate asked catching her breath, "I had no idea you and Tae talk." Mari shook her head, "Not on a regular basis. Hardly ever, really. He treats me like shit because of what happened with Gyu. Everything was fine until he heard about that. And the sad thing is, he knew from the beginning. Soobin confided in him. Soobin trusted only him." Kate took a sip of her coffee, "Ok, listen. I've done some research on what spare time I have. If I contact these doctors, and if one of them is willing to see him, can you guarantee me that you will be there? Will you go with him?" Mari asked wondering herself why Kate was going over and beyond to help the man who drugged her through his private hell, "Kate, I know I asked for your help, but why are you wanting to help him?" Kate knew in her heart she was doing the right thing, "Because Mari, he wanted my help, but I can't give it to him. I'm too involved with the guys already, and being engaged to Cookie doesn't help any. He knows that. But he doesn't want to see it." Mari's heart fell into her lap, "I see. He's still hung up on you. Damn it!" Kate reached across the table laying her hand over hers, "Mari, look at me. I honestly don't think it's me he loves." Mari argued, "It's always been you. You're his Kizzy." There was that name again. Kate looked at her confused, "What's that supposed to mean? Was there ever really a Kizzy?" Mari bit her lip turning her eyes away, "You don't know?" Kate eyes narrowed, "He told me a bogus story, but now I'm beginning to wonder." Mari downed her coffee, and held up her cup, "Would you like another? This may take awhile." Kate was not sure how they went from talking about helping Soobin to binging up Kizzy. What did anything of have to do with one or the other? And why did Mari even say that Kate was his Kizzy? He had said that to her just months ago. Kate didn't want to talk about Kizzy, who was a figment of Soobin's imagination. She wanted to know if Mari loved him enough to want to be there for him if she reached out to the doctor. Mari returned to the table with 2 more coffees. She sat down, handing Kate her favorite, "Ok...about Kizzy." Kate sighed, "Forgive me for looking dumbfounded, but I'd really like to discuss the matter at hand." Mari cleared her throat, "Very well. I'm just saying knowing about Kizzy might help the situation. The more I think about it I think she was the turning point for him." She? Huh? The more sat there, the more confused she became. She thought Kizzy was a hoax. Just some made up fixation of Soobin's. Mari honestly believes she lives and breathes. Kate questioned with a shrug of her shoulders, "I don't see how." Mari leaned in, resting her elbows in the table, and intertwining her fingers under her chin, "Like I said, you are his Kizzy." Kate shook her head, "I don't understand. Soobin came forward. He said he made her up. He told all of us. How did you even know about it?" She gave Kate a beguiling smile, "You have no idea who I really am, do you? Maybe I should start at the beginning." Kate turned up her nose exhaling. This is going to be a long night. Two cups of coffee may not be enough. Kate really didn't have the time to hear it. The more she delved into Soobin's past, the more she understood her, but on the other hand, the more she didn't. She had zoned out only staring at Mari. She watched her lips move, and nodded at times, to let her think she was listening. Kizzy wasn't real. That had already been confirmed. And Mari just stated it as she added, "Kizzy lives inside you. From the moment he first saw you, he knew, Kate. He said he never felt anything like it. His world moved. It shook. It shattered. And was made whole again." Kate reflected back on that day. She was just a teenager in a ponytail, surrounded by her softball friends, discussing their daily adventures before the game. She sighed, "Mari, I was 16. What does a 16 year old know about the earth moving?" She closed her eyes and looked at Kate again, "Because I saw it the day he came to see me. The fire in his eyes. He was forever changed. He told me about the strawberry blond. You rambled on about you. He had no idea who you were or where you came from. He just knew he was in love. He'd even given you a name. Kizzy. He talked about his angel and how she came to save him that day with just a smile. I'd never seen smile as brightly as he did that day. And from that moment on, a plan came into play. Even though he was my boyfriend, I helped. Together we made Kizzy come alive. Kate, you see, it's always been you. You are the one he's in love with. Not me. You. You're the one he's always been in love with." Kate dropped her face into her palms on the table, rubbing her palms over her cheeks, "What kind of twisted, psycho game were you playing with him? Why couldn't you've just been honest from the beginning and admit your feelings for him? Why did you help him create something so deranged? I've heard of imaginary friends, but this is borderline nuts. No wonder he's so fucked up. You helped him suffer from not being able to differentiate reality and fantasy land. And here I thought when you asked me for help, you might be able to help him. What we're you even thinking back then? Were you involved in saesang things then as well?" She admitted, "Kate, I'm not proud of the things of done. I just loved him so much. And the only way I could hold on to him was to help him conjure up a way of keeping you alive. And when he saw you had eyes for Gyu, that killed him. I had to do something. I didn't want to see my bunny suffer. So I joined the saesang society and Gyu became my target. Then one day Soobin and I took our relationship a little deeper. He needed comforting and I lost it all that day in the backseat of his car. He was so broken, talking about you and Gyu.
His Kizzy. Laughing and acting like lovers. I felt so bad for him. All of our hard work was caving in on him. I just gave in...then 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. So once again we came up with another plan...we pinned it on Gyu...to get him out of the picture and away from you. And you know the rest of the story."

Kate sat there in complete dismay. Just how messed up are these two? Oh my god! She knew Soobin had issues, but now it's so clear. He has borderline personality disorders. She's not sure if Mari is the right person to help him after all. She's just as screwed up as he is since she helped him come up with all this. She cried out, feeling his pain, "Mari, this wasn't a game to play on their lives. You completely affected both of them in matters you'll never be able to understand. Soobin needed help back then, and he turned to you to walk it through with him. Instead of holding his hand, you dragged him into something so deep he can't find his way out." She wiped away a tear, "I honestly feel so bad for him." Mari felt the sting of tears in her own eyes, "Kate, I'm truly sorry. For everything. I see it now. Let me help. Please. He's the love of my life and I never meant to hurt him. Not like that. I was losing him...to you. It was either go with him or lose him forever. I wanted so much to be a part of his life as he was mine. So I went with it. Hoping one day he'd wake up and see my love for him. But that day never came. Not even after Bimi was born. Kate, let me help. I want to fix the mistakes I've done to him and to you and Gyu. Let me do this. I promise I won't lead him astray again. To do that, I need to turn him away from you and get him under control. I know it's not going to be easy. But I'm willing to take that chance. Just to have him in my life again." Kate took a deep breath, massaging her temples, "Mari, he needs loads of help and from someone who is willing to help him through this, but he also needs it from someone who truly loves him. You can't go into this blind. You need to see everything you're up against. Are you willing to risk the pain, the hurt, the suffering, and maybe lose yourself along the way? You can't just barely hold on, Mari. You're going to have to get a firm grip on his hand, and hold on for dear life. And when he ask you to let go, that's when you hold on tighter. Can you do that? Will you be there through thick and thin? This isn't teenage puppy love anymore. This is something way more serious." Mari's face saddened, "You seem to know my bunny so well. It's no wonder he clings to you. You seem to get him." Kate reached for her iced coffee, "Mari, I just understand him. That's why I want to help. No matter what he's put me through I care about what happens to him. Plain and simple." That night Mari and Kate decided to work together to help Soobin. Kate would make the call, notify Mari on when and where, and step back. She would leave everything in Mari's hands and pray for the best. In the meantime Mari would keep her posted on the outcome.