Lovesong

Chapter 21

I opened the door to my bedroom to find Soobin towered over my Kitty Kate's balled form on the floor. Wtf?! I am not sure what had happened between the time I was talking to Junnie and now. I just know by what see. I see Kate's hair was covering the side of her face, and she was holding her cheek with her hand. She whimpered, "I said I wouldn't." He roared at her, "You bitch! You couldn't keep that god damn mouth shut! How am I to know you won't!? You told him...your precious fuck of a boyfriend! Woman, the things I could do to you right now! My hand is itching to grab you up and...." After hearing those words, I rushed to him, grabbed him the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. He seemed a bit taken back by either my sudden burst of energy, or strictly that I overheard everything. With tears steaming down my face I growled, "Of course she told me! You will keep the fuck away from her! You will keep your hands off of her! You won't even breathe on her!  Am I clear? Why the fuck are you in my room?! And what right do you have to hit my fiancée?! If she wants to tell, let her fucking tell! You did this! It's your fault! You brought all of this unforeseeable shame on us!" At first he seemed remorseful for his actions. Maybe it was because he got caught, but I'm not sure. Soobin's such a ticking time bomb these days I never do know when he'll go or even what sets him off. I just know my Kitty Kate is match to his fuel.  Soobin laughed at me through his own tears, his swollen eyes on my gripped hands, "You really think you scare me, Gyu. You already know the damage I can do to you too. So don't threaten me. What happens between your little whore and me stays between her and me." I pushed him harder against the wall, "What the hell did you say? She's my fucking fiancée! She's not a whore! And she's not yours to control! I won't let you take her from me!You've already destroyed all that I've ever had in this life! She's the only thing I have left! Don't take her from me too!" Kate was the thing I held out hope for. She was the reason I keep doing what I do. She's  my past, my present, and my future. I need her as much as she needs me. It's the way it's always been, and always will be....That is, if Soobin doesn't get his way. I've already had enough of his shit. I am tired of him using Kate as his personal punching bag. If he wants to beat up something, go hit a wall. I noticed how he looked at Kate so helplessly, so love sick. It literally made me nauseous to see it. I also just happen to see the way Junnie tended to her while I dealt with the monster. That alone fueled my anger. Simply because I knew Junnie wasn't over her. I recognized the love in his tone and in his eyes when we spoke. I saw it in his tears. It hurt, but this is just something I will have to deal with until he can find the strength to move on. But what irritated me the most is when Soobin said the unthinkable to her, "I loved you...Why couldn't you just love me back?" I saw the daggers in my Kitty Kate's eyes the second she glanced at him. I gripped the material of his shirt harder, "Because she's in love with me!" He directed his eyes to me. Cold, heartless. "Really? Pitiful if you ask me." He shoved me aside  roughly. So hard that I stumbled over my own feet. I had to catch ahold of the dresser before I tripped backwards. He snapped, "Get your hands off of me!" He stormed out of the room.

Junnie quickly rose to his feet, going after him. He grabbed Soobin by the shoulder and shoved into the hall wall. Tears were in his eyes, "Wtf do you know about love? What you do is not love! Striking out ain't love! The things you do is not love! Wtf is your problem?! You expect Kate to love you when you a raise a hand to her?? That ain't love! And it hurts me to know this is what you think! Kate is in love with Gyu! Deal with it and move on!" It cut like a knife to say the very words he can't bare to heed to. Simply because he doesn't  want to let het go. He can't break the ties. And they all knew this. They all know her leaving will be very painful for him. And he's finding it very hard to deal with. But this right here, this with Soobin...seeing him treat his Just Kate like some rag doll is taking a toll on his emotions. He saw the bruise Gyu had spoken about, and then the fresh handprint on her other cheek. Soobin found the strength to shove Junnie away, "Wtf do you know?! You're still so hard up for her it's ridiculous! Besides, what Red and I have and do is between us!" Junnie shook his head in dismay, "Are you serious? Soobs, you and Kate have nothing!" Soobin stared at him coldly, "The hell we do! We have something! I just need to set her straight!" Junnie came at him again,"What you need to do is leave her the f*** alone! You've done enough damage to permanently damage her from anything good! If you're so unhappy with your life, don't bring her down into hell with you! Would you really manhandle her like this if she was your girl?" He watched the Soobin's head fell back against the wall. He tucked his fingers in the front pockets of his khaki pants and looked off to the side in the distance. 'If Kate was his,' he thought. He squeezed his eyes shut, "Junnie, you don't understand. Kate gets me. She knows all my ins and outs." Junnie leaned his back against the other wall. He really didn't want to hear this. Hear the reasons why he was obsessed with her. There really was no good reason since he'd been the mastermind of it since they were teenagers. It wasn't until just recently, today to be exact, that Kate found out about Soobin's past. Maybe in a way, that could be one reason he feels safe with her. Too comfortable. But even then he mistreated her. Junnie really didn't know how to respond because he felt that way too. Kate had been the only woman he opened up to and shared the most intimate parts of himself with. Their situation was different. They were once in love, and still are in some little way. Junnie sighed, "That may be true, but that still does not give you the right to get the upper hand. I'm proud of Kate for rising above the pain you've caused her, and just when she forgives you and tries to be a friend, you bring her down again. You can't keep doing that, Soob's. That is the quickest way to lose any kind of respect she may have for you." Of course he kept looking off in the distance. Junnie could see he was battling with his inner demons. Soobin slid down the wall, grabbing at the roots of his hair, breaking apart, "Is it so wrong to love her?"  Junnie really had no room to answer, for he, too, was very much in love Kate. There was no getting around it. No matter how hard he tried to deny it. He signed, "Soob's, there's nothing wrong with being in love with her. You just can't act on it. I know I'm out of line in speaking this, but it's the truth. You're just going to get hurt if you do. She's in love with Gyu, and you won't be able convince her otherwise." Soobin's mouth grew taut as he looked at Junnie through narrowed eyes, "And yet, here you are...spoon feeding me your own damn advice. It's a jagged little pill...bitter to swallow. Isn't it, Junnie? It hurts to swallow your own words. But at least you had a chance with her. You knew what it was like to love her, and have her love in return. You didn't have to take it to feel it." Junnie felt the tears rising up in the back of his throat. Soobin was right. He's no better than the monster in front of him. Soobin continued evilly, "If you're so in love with her, then why did cut ties with her? You're so in love with her, you're dying a little more each day watching your own best friend fuck the most valuable thing you gave away. I don't pity you. I see the way you look at her still. I noticed at dinner how you envied the way Tae touched her hand. He's gotten close to her too, hasn't he? Hmm...you saw it too." Junnie gazed at him dumbfounded, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're rambling about. Why are trying to blame everyone for being in love with her? You're the one stepping out of line. You're the one that has put our job on the line." Soobin snapped through gritted teeth, "She won't talk." Junnie refreshed his cherry red headed friend, "Dude, anything can shift between tonight and in the morning. And if I lose the one thing I've worked so hard for because of your careless actions, you'll wish like you never raised a hand to her." Soobin repeated, "I said she won't say a word! Trust me...I've already handled it." Junnie's head dropped in remorse, "Fuck, Soob's, what have you done now?" He really didn't want to know. Soobin had already done too much tonight, and if it involved Kate he feared she was in danger. Instead of asking he just walked away, praying tomorrow would be the end of this nonsense. It's not really nonsense. He's selfish. It's Soobin's lack of control over Kate that is driving him insane. He wants to possess her. And now he's trying to turn Junnie against their other friends. Junnie didn't have time for this childish behavior. Soobin needed cooling down, and if Junnie hung around, and said the things he really wanted to say, it would only cause a crossfire. Kate meant too much to him. 'Kate,' he thought as he walked over his threshold, 'My Just Kate. Tomorrow will be the death of me. I just hope you don't forget me.' He knew tonight was their goodbye, but he somehow had hoped it would not be their final goodbye. He turned and looked at Gyu's closed door, wondering what was happening on the other side. He let out a ragged breath. Oh how he loves her! Seeing her on the floor in her crumpled state, so helpless, so vulnerable, made him want to scoop her up and hold her close to his chest with his arms around her. He almost lost his mind when he brushed the strands from her cheek and removed her hand to reveal Soobin's handprint. He yearned to kiss the whelps, but he knew if he did, it would only lead to trouble. So he caressed the swollen skin instead, and kissed her in his mind. He recalled the way she looked up at him. Her green eyes saying so much. Oh how those eyes of hers could talk. So expressive. They had their own love language. And it was one Junnie still wanted to be so much a part of. He stole one last glance at Soobin still sitting on the floor just outside Gyu's door. He shook his head thinking, 'Thankfully Kate will be on that first flight to California. It's time to break away, Soob's. Then come tomorrow we may all be out of a job. I don't know what you've gone and down or what threats you've made...I just pray Gyu doesn't find out.' He closed the door, leaning against it, looking up at the ceiling.

I couldn't believe Kate and I were arguing. I tried to reason with her with what happened, and she felt like I was accusing her for Soobin's actions. That wasn't the case. I was only seeking answers. The reason and the why. I sat on the edge of my bed with my head lowered me  my right hand on top of my head. I've grown so weary and tired. I really didn't want to argue. I didn't want to fight anymore. I just wanted a peaceful night. One with it ending with me holding my Kitty Kate in my arms. Not words and tears. I tried to keep my voice down because I didn't want the others to hear our last night with harsh words. A tear dropped from my eye, hitting the floor. I am easily emotional these passed few days...ever since the Mari situation. But even when it came to Kate, I'd shed a tear at the drop of a hat. I tried to  tell her that I didn't mean it the way it sounded and I was so sorry. She scooted over to me, laying a consoling hand on my thigh, "Cookie, I love you. I don't blame you for thinking..." I took in a small breath trying to hold back my tears. I felt like I was losing her before she was already gone. I looked at her, "Kitty Kate, look at me." She did at first then her eyes fell to her lap. I stated again, folding my right hand against my temple, "Kate, look at me." She raised her eyes to mine, "Cookie, I love you." I saw how her tears matched my own. Just hearing those 3 little words caused a tear to fall. I knew she loved me. I felt it every time she looked at me. God, I knew I was also so in love with her. Tonight has been so tragic for us both. I never thought it would be a repeat of months back. It broke me of everything we've had to endure at the hands of Soobin Choi. She moved in closer and spoke the sweetest words I'd ever heard as she wiped away another tear, "I cried a tear.  You wiped it dry. Cookie, I was confused. You cleared my mind. I sold my soul. You bought it back for me." I cried harder. It was the truth. She had done just that for me.  No one has ever done anything like that for me. She took my left hand into hers, "You held me up and gave me dignity. But somehow you needed me. You give me strength to stand alone again. To face the world out on my own again. You put me high upon a pedestal. So high that I sometimes I could almost see eternity. Even after all this time, I can't believe it's you. I can't believe it's true. I needed you and you were there.  And I'll never leave you, Cookie.  Why should I leave? I'd be a fool  because I finally found someone who really cares.
You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end, and turned my lies back into truth again. Cookie, no matter what we've been through, you even called me your friend." All those words she said was exactly how I saw her, how I saw us. I did need her just as much as she needed me. I pulled her to me, touching her cheek ever so lightly, "Baby, I'm so sorry. I never should have contradicted you. I trust you. I'm just so scared. After tonight's events can I even feel safe with you in Daegu? Kitty Kate, I'm so afraid he's going to find out. Now I'm beginning to wonder if California would have been the better choice. I want you safe, and far, far away from him." She turned her cheek into my touch and smiled, biting her lower lip unconsciously, "Cookie, I'll be fine." That wasn't the point and she knew it. Yes, she would be fine, but if Soobin caught wind that she was closer than he imagined, I just may lose her for good. And that is what I feared the most.