Lovesong

Chapter 27

I was just in my bedroom thinking on what I had done. Why had I kissed Kate? That's not like me. Why are my lips still tingling? I was sitting there pinching my lips. She hadn't kissed me back. Maybe it was just the thought of having her lips pressed to mine. And oh boy did it feel good! Too good. So good I was turned on before I even dipped her back. I got the feeling she wasn't that impressed. More or less shocked, that I even made such a gutsy move. Everyone thinks I have no feelings since I'm so quiet. That's not true. I feel everything. I'm more of an observer. I sit back and watch things that are happening around me. I only speak when I need to or when I've been pushed too far. Gyu and Kate know this about me. When I opened up to Tae regarding how I felt about Kate, I wish I'd been able to take it back. Just like I wanted to when I mentioned it to Soobin. I knew nothing would ever come of it, but I just wanted to release everything that I'd been holding back. And if Junnie ever finds out he'll surely wring my neck, and Gyu may punch me in the face. In all my years, I've never seen anyone fight over a woman as much as we do over Katelyn Blue. Well, not me or Tae. Gyu and I have had some not so nice words, but never a fist fight. Sometimes I get in over my head...like with the text message or the song. Some may think I do it because I'm lonely or just seeking attention. But that's not the case. I am lonely, however, I do have my music as my lover. It's what keeps me company...until thoughts of Kit Kate creeps in. And with her being around, it only intensified those feelings I'd buried deep within myself. And now I've acted on those feelings. There was something about her sitting there, circling her finger around the rim of the coffee up and her green eyes sparkling when she talked to me. It was the first time I really noticed Kate's a beautiful woman. To me she was always cute. Adorable as any woman had a right to be. Flirty, freckled face and fun. I'd often talked to my sisters about her, and they absolutely love her. And she enjoyed their company as well. In fact, Bahiyyih and Kate are really close. So close they once considered each other sisters. It was the sweetest thing. Bahiyyih would sometimes tag along with me when I'd go to Kate's house with Gyu to watch her sing. When i went to the academy, Bahiyyih, was accepted elsewhere and she and Kate parted ways. But she's never far from my sister's thoughts. Every time I call her, she always asks about Kate. Just like today. I couldn't keep that kiss to myself. So I called Bahiyyih and got it off my chest. First she cheered me on, and then I told her that she's engaged to Gyu. That's when it all went south. So now I sit here kicking myself with following my gut. I should have just listened to my head and ran. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt a pop up side the back of my head. I grabbed my head and spun around to find Junnie in my room. He did not look none too happy. Ughh! He knows! Damn it, Tae! He asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? Where do you get off kissing Kate?" I rubbed the back, feeling guilty as charged, "I don't know. I guess I wanted to prove something to myself." He walked over to the door slamming it shut. He whipped around to face me, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Prove something to yourself?" I shrunk back. As if I didn't already feel bad for my wrongdoing, now I have Junnie jumping down my throat. I could always blame Tae for pushing me, but I'm not a child, and I'm not pointing any fingers. He growled, "You better start talking. Thanks to your childish move Gyu is going to start throwing punches...at me!" I went bug eyed, "Oh god! How does Gyu know?" Junnie popped me again, "You idiot! He doesn't know. He caught me with Kate!" I grabbed my head again, "Ow! Stop hitting me. What does that have to do with me? You're the one who can't keep your fly zipped whenever Kate's around." His nostrils flared, and he popped me again, "Fuck you, man!" I came out of my chair, raising my voice, "I said to stop hitting me!" Junnie held up his hands and took a step back, "Easy, Kai. This has everything to do with you." He lowered his voice, "Kate told me and Gyu walked in." I grumbled, dropping my face into my palms, "How the hell did all this get out of hand? I just wanted to see if I what I felt was real." Junnie shook his head at me, "Dude, you just can't go kissing Kate. You really upset her." My hands fell away and I dropped back down into the chair. Now I felt even more miserable. Kate told Junnie. What was I even thinking? I lowered my head, "Junnie, I just had to know. And it clearly hurts to love someone. When I kissed her I felt it all over. It gave me shivers." Junnie grinned, "Oh my god...Kai, was Kate your first kiss?" Oh geez...did I really want to admit to this? I was a virgin all the way around. Why would I tell Junnie that? All this was quite personal. So I lied, "No, I've kissed plenty of girls." He sat down on the foot of the bed, "Kai, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Honestly, kissing my Just Kate." I snapped, "Your Just Kate. You can't go staking claim to someone you gave up." That earned me a punch in the arm. I grunted, "Honesty hurts. Doesn't it, Junnie?" His eyes narrowed to thin slits, "What the hell do you know about hurt? Have you ever been truly in love before, Kai?" I curled my shoulders in and coward away, "What's that supposed to mean? Yes, I've been in love, but not IN love." I really hated that Junnie even asked me such a ridiculous question. It made me feel belittled. I'm sure he didn't intend it to sound that way. I noticed the expression on his face. His eyebrows were arched and his eyes were as big as saucers. I knew he was waiting for the details, but sadly I didn't have any. There really never was anyone. Not until Kate. Did I ever intend on falling for her? No. She's one of my best friends. She's always been Gyu's girl, even before she was Gyu's girl. I was always the third wheel in their relationship, but I didn't mind. As long as we were together I was good. Happy. Content. I felt like I belonged. Even when Kate wasn't around, Gyu always welcomed me. Like Kate, I'm not 100% Korean. Maybe that's one reason why we connected so well. And thankfully Gyu didn't see me any differently. Not then and definitely not now. But he may now if he catches wind of what I've done. Junnie pushed my knee to break me out of my shell, "Well...who was she?" I semi-laughed, "She was no one. And it was so long ago." Junnie removed the black rimmed glasses from his face abs ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair, "Hmm...ok, dude. I get it. Don't be mad with Kate, all right? She's just a little shook up about leaving." I wasn't mad. I just didn't think Kate was ever one to kiss and tell, but when it comes to Junnie she's wide open about everything. And I'm sure that's one that gets under Gyu's skin. She's just too close to him. And I've never seen Junnie as crazy about a woman like the way he is about her. Somehow I think Kate's still a little hung up on him too. In fact I know she is. I see the way they look at each other when they think I don't see. And I don't know how Junnie is going to handle it when she is finally married to Gyu. He won't be able to keep doing his old tricks. And Kate will have to break off all ties. She can be friends, but not FRIENDS. Leave it to Junnie and he'll find a way. I don't foresee him cutting the strings anytime soon. It's sad really. I know it hurts him to see Gyu happy with Kate, but what friend would have the heart to give what he loves for the happiness of another? Only Junnie. But honestly, he never really gave her up. He just sits on the sidelines waiting his turn. I shiver at that thought. It bothers me at the idea of sharing. I would never do that. I couldn't. But that's on them whether it's sexual or not. Junnie stared at me, "What the fuck are you thinking so hard about? Sometimes Kai, I don't understand you. You zone out." He's right. I'm always in deep thought. I'm an over thinker. I always rationalize everything. And really doesn't want me to tell him what I'm thinking about right now. So I just shrug my shoulders and lie, "Just thinking about how things will change after Kate's gone." Junnie rolled his eyes, "Kai, you know things will change. We are all so used to Kate being here, and I know for you it will be somewhat difficult since you've known her for so long. But you're going to be fine. Kate will be fine. We will all be fine. And in the end we will all meet up." He flashed me a smile. Just like he always does. Ugh the agony of it all. I had heard noises coming from Gyu's room, but I tried to ignore it. He was definitely making up for lost time and then some. It was nothing new and I'd grown quite used to it. In fact we all had. Ever since Gyu got a taste of what making love feels like, he grabs it every chance he gets. And I don't blame him for it. In a way, I guess, I would too if I had a girl like Kate. Oh god! I'm such a prick! Now I'm thinking about her sexually. I hit at my temples with the heels of my wrists. Junnie stared at me strangely, "Dude, now what the fuck are you doing? I swear, Kai, sometimes you are a strange character." I didn't know how to take Junnie's words. They hurt. Actually it cut to the core. Was I really strange? Maybe that's why I never had a serious relationship, but then again, with our career, it's too risky. I don't see how Gyu manages it. I'd go crazy if I was walking in his shoes. It still blows my mind over the whole Mari incident. I never saw that one coming. And he almost lost Kit Kate over it. But leave it to Kate to be strong, and to help him walk it out. That's what love can do. True love. Maybe one day I'll have a love like that. I honestly think we are all looking, hoping to find, someone like her. There's just something about Kate that draws us all in. Junnie stated to me when he realized I'd shifted back inside myself, "Are the wheels constantly spinning? I can't have a decent conversation with you without you zoning out." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head, and rose to his feet, popping me up side the back of the head for a third time. When I laid my hand against the spot he hit, he leaned down and pointed a finger in my face. He said through gritted teeth, "No more kissing Kate. Don't even think about her. Is that clear Kai?" Sadly I nodded, even though I knew I was only lying to myself. Kate is someone you can't just forget. As Junnie closed the door behind him, I dropped my face into my hands, embarrassed. Why did Kate say anything to him? If that's the case, she just may tell Gyu, and if so, I may lose his friendship.