Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 9

Clarke opened the door and let Raven in. She was lucky enough to finally have a weekend off, and they were having a celebratory lunch, compliments of the local deli. "Where's O?" she asked.

"She had to stop over at Bellamy's for a little bit. She'll be here later. I got you a pastrami on rye, with thousand island dressing, your fav."

"You are simply the best. Even though this shit will kill me someday. What did you get?"

"The usual, ham, turkey, swiss, hot mustard. I will die with you. Where's Jinx, I got him some tuna fish. Jinx!" The large kitty came running in to see his favorite aunt. "Hey buddy, how's my stud muffin? I got you some tuna fella." She pulled the tuna out of a sandwich that she brought.

"Tuna's not good for him," Clarke said.

"It's fine in moderation. He loves it, look at him."

They both watched as Jinx went to town on the tuna.

"Where's the dog?" Raven asked as she took a big bite out of her sandwich.

"He was here a minute ago. Probably chewing a door or something. We're gonna have to redo the entire house."

"Where's Finn?"

"Golfing."

"No interest in joining him?"

"Well, number one, I suck at golf. And number two, I still suck at golf, and number three, the people there are snobs." The dog made his way back down the steps and came over to greet Raven.

"Hey boy, what's his name again?"

"Oliver, Jesus Christ that's been drilled into my head the last couple of days."

"What do you mean?"

"The dog walking chick seemed to be really put off by the fact that I didn't know his name."

"You didn't know his name? You've had him for over a week." Raven went to the fridge and got out two bottles of water. "At least I know my dogs' names."

"Oh please, you can barely tell them apart."

"I can now. It did take a couple weeks though. Ah, what's he doing?" Raven asked, eyeing up Oliver.

"What?" Clarke looked down at Oliver, who was sniffing at the stool next to Raven. "Sniffing I guess."

"Ah, I know that sniff, he's gonna pee."

"You think? He was out an hour ago and peed."

"He's gonna pee my frie...there goes the leg."

"Shit, Oliver no!" Clarke went over to stop him but she was too late. He started peeing, but instead of a straight stream of urine, it was shooting in every direction.

"Holy fuck he's got lousy aim, what's he doing?" Raven asked as the dog's pee went up down and all around. She hopped off her chair because some of it sprinkled up and hit her. Jinx ran screaming from the room.

"I don't know, Jesus." Clarke tried to grab his collar but he ran off.

"Goddamn your dog is gross. He peed in a circle. How is that possible? Is his peter broken?"

"I don't know, can dogs break their peters?" Clarke asked.

"You've got the damn medical degree, not me."

"I ain't no vet."

Raven wiped off the dog urine, sat back down and continued to eat. "At least he didn't get my sandwich. Maybe you should put a diaper on him."

"He'd just eat it. He's like a goat."

"I don't know any goats who pee like that. Maybe you could teach him to write his name when he pees. Then you won't forget it."

Clarke finished cleaning up the mess and washed her hands. She settled in with her pastrami and rye.

"You don't even seem upset about it," Raven noticed. "I hate it when our dogs go in the house. They're getting better, but they still have some accidents. Why can't they just go in a box?"

"I've become immune to it already. This dog pees in the house more than the yard." She got a thoughtful look on her face. "Can't we teach them to use the toilet? Don't people do that?"

"I think you're thinking of cats. People teach their cats to pee in the toilet."

"Do they flush?" Clarke wondered if she could teach Jinx. He loved water though, so leaving the toilet seat up was a recipe for disaster. He'd be poking around in it all day, and god forbid if he learned to flush, the water bill would skyrocket.

"Fuck if I know. Speaking of kids, when you gonna set a date?"

"For what, the wedding?"

"Yes, for the fucking wedding."

"I think we might just do it in September."

"Jesus, that's not a lot of time to plan."

"It's not gonna be that big, we're keeping it small, close friends and family. That's it. I've been hammering that home with Finn. His family wants to invite the whole universe, like five hundred people. I said, no way."

Raven watched as Oliver came back into the room. "Here comes piss boy." He started sniffing around the side of island they were sitting at. "Uh oh, watch it, watch it."

Clarke looked down and once again he lifted his leg and a spray of urine went in every direction.

Before Raven could react, she got a little bit in her eye. She exaggeratedly grabbed at her face, "I'm hit, I'm hit," she shouted. She grabbed her sandwich and jumped across the room, getting sprayed in the back in the process. "What the fuck?" Raven exclaimed as she ran into the hallway. "You need to fix that shit."

"I don't know what his problem is, you fix it."

"Make Finn fix it."

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End of Chapter 9