Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 82

Clarke sat on the floor, back against the bed, knees pulled tight against her chest. One fist clenched at the hem of Lexa's T-shirt, the other toyed with the hole in her jeans, fingers absently pulling at the fraying threads. She'd barely taken the shirt off since coming home with it a week ago. It hadn't been washed yet. Clarke was afraid to wash off the scent of Lexa.

She hadn't thought about the breakup with Niylah in years. It was something that she regretted for a long time afterward. They were so in love. At first, she thought that Niylah wouldn't hold her to that ultimatum. That she'd call and tell Clarke they could work it out. But she never did. And Clarke just left it alone. She should have tried harder. Tried harder to convince Niylah it could work. Done something besides just walk away.

She walked away from Lexa, too. Was that a mistake she would live to regret also? Clarke was afraid to answer that. Her two greatest loves. And she walked away from them both. A hand went protectively to her belly. It was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?

"Babe? You getting ready?" Finn asked through the closed door of the guest bedroom. "We have to leave soon, we're gonna be late as it is. You know how your mom hates when we're late."

God. Dinner with the parents tonight. Ugh, she wasn't looking forward to this. "I'll be right there," she snapped. Realizing her tone was unacceptable and it wasn't Finn's fault, Clarke apologized. "Sorry, I'm just hormonal."

"It's okay, babe."

Clarke cringed at the endearment. Not ready to hear those things fall from his lips. The past week was spent either crying for no good reason or angry at Finn for just existing. She blamed the mood swings on pregnancy hormones. Hormones were the reason she cried when she looked at Oliver, who was confused as to why he no longer went to daycare. Hormones made her cry when she saw a motorcycle on the road. She even teared up when she passed golf courses. Hormones. Nothing else. But deep inside she knew "no good reason" wasn't the reason.

She heard Finn go downstairs and knew she had to get moving. No need to put her parents into a sour mood by being late to dinner. With a sigh Clarke heaved herself up and began getting dressed.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Jake and Abby were already seated and waved to get their attention. Finn acknowledged them, and they headed over. On the way to the table, Clarke heard her name called. She looked around and was surprised to see Maya waving at her from a booth across the room. Clarke put a hand on Finn's arm. "Hey, there's Maya and Jasper, I'm gonna go over and say hi. I'll be right back."

"Sure Clarke." Finn waved at them both and headed over to Clarke's parents.

Maya jumped out of her chair and gave Clarke a big hug. Jasper did the same.

Clarke took a step back. "You look great, what a cute dress. And Jasper, you look so handsome in your suit."

Jasper bowed, "Thank you madam. It's our anniversary today."

"Oh my god, congratulations! How many years?"

"Fifteen," Maya said proudly.

"Well, that's great. Where's Aden?"

"He's staying with Lexa tonight." Maya said, realizing too late that Lexa's name should probably stay out of the conversation. Jasper winced at her outburst.

An awkward silence followed.

Clarke cleared her throat. "How is...how's she doing?"

Maya twisted her hands together. "She's hanging in there. She's, ah, she's...hanging in there."

Suddenly Clarke wanted to be anywhere but here. Her face flushed and she couldn't breathe. She wanted to run out of the restaurant to clear her head and cool off. She wanted to run home and hide away from the pain of hearing her name. Just crawl into bed and pull the covers over her head. Who was she kidding? She really wanted to run back into Lexa's arms.