Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 20

"Mom, Dad, I won, I won!" Sixteen year old Clarke came racing into the house, dropping her backpack in the hallway, excitement oozing out of every pore. "Mom, Dad!" She found her parents in the kitchen making dinner together. It was a rare night when they both were home, but today was a day full of surprises. "I won, I won!" She ran up to her mom and hugged her, and did the same to her dad.

Abby turned around and turned off the frying pan, "What did you win?"

Clarke unrolled the long piece of paper that she was carrying, revealing a painting of a sunset over the water, oranges and reds and yellows blending and melding over a deep blue ocean. Her hands were shaking she was so thrilled. "My picture won, my picture won. There was a contest in the school district, an art contest, and Mrs. Wilson said I should enter one of my pictures, and I did and I won first place."  

Her dad came over and gave her another hug and a kiss. "Honey, that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks Dad. Mrs. Wilson thinks I can get a scholarship to an art college. She said I have a lot of talent. I'm so excited. What if I can open my own gallery someday, and hang all my pictures in there. And what if somebody actually buys one, oh my god, how cool would that be."

Abby and Jake looked at each other. Jake took the picture from Clarke and looked it over, "It's really beautiful, Clarke," then he slowly began rolling it up. "But honey, art school?  We've talked about this before. We're doctors in this family, right? Your mom and I are, your grandparents are, and you'll be one, too."

Clarke felt the tension building in her temples, just like it always did when she talked about art with her parents. "But I love to draw, why can't I become an artist."

"They don't call them starving artists for nothing, Clarke," her mom said. 

Her dad spoke gently to her, "Clarke, you can't make a living drawing pictures. You scored in the top one percent in the state. Your mind is meant for medicine, not water colors."

Abby continued lecturing her, "You can't waste your god given gift. You can't just throw that away going to art school. Now, you don't want to disappoint everyone do you?"

There it was, the D word. Clarke had been hearing that since she was born. At least it felt like she had.

"Listen to your mom. Your Grandfather already has a desk waiting for you in cardiology. Do you want to tell him that you'd rather be doodling on paper than working side by side with him? He's expecting you to be there with him some day. He'd be so disappointed if you didn't make that happen."

Clarke felt her excitement ebb away, like the air slowly leaking out of a balloon. "It's not doodling dad. It's art." Her lip caught in her teeth, and she fought back tears, not wanting to appear weak. Not wanting to disappoint. 

Her dad put his arm around her, "Honey, when you're retired, you can draw all you want.  It'll be a nice hobby for you. Now, your mom made us all a nice dinner, so let's sit down and enjoy a meal together, god knows we don't get to do that much." His arm slipped off her shoulder and he went over to the cabinet to take the plates down. "Go wash up Clarke, let's eat before it gets cold."

Clarke looked back and forth from her mom to her dad as they went about setting the table, Clarke's art already forgotten, her first-place award a distant memory as they discussed their caseload at the hospital. She reached out and picked up her picture. They didn't understand, they never did. She felt like she'd been fighting this fight since she was a little kid. She was tired of fighting, she felt like it was a battle she couldn't win. She felt the last bit of resistance slip out of her. Resignation set in. Maybe they were right, nobody would ever buy her pictures. Becoming a doctor was the right thing to do. She slowly made her way up to her bedroom. When she got there, she leaned against her door jam and looked around at her easel, her pencils, her brushes, her dreams. She took out a box and started putting it all away, one by one. She closed the box up and pushed it to the back of the closet. She got up, wiped a single tear from her eye and headed back down for dinner.

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End of Chapter 20