Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 8

Clarke rushed into the hospital to get ready for surgery. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," she said to her surgical team.

Monty Green was scrubbing in with her for this one. They went over the patient's file last night, so they were well prepared. "Clarke, you OK? We were gonna send the cavalry out to look for you." Clarke and Monty were good friends, completing the same rotations together. Clarke loved him for his quiet demeanor and his unwavering patience. He was an excellent doctor and a reliable friend.

"I'm sorry, I had dog issues."

"When did you get a dog?"

"Last week. Finn was feeling, I don't know, heroic? So he rescued a dog. How's Harper?"

"She's good. I'm thinking of popping the question soon."

"Bout time, Doctor Green, you get the ring yet?"

"No, I've gotta go shopping soon. I'm gonna grab you and take you with me. I have no idea what to get her."

"I'll help you ring shop. Maybe you should just take mine, since I barely wear it." Monty gave her a little bit of a horrified look, "I'm kidding, I'm just kidding."

They both finished washing up, and the nurses put their surgical gloves on and pulled up their masks. They were performing a laparoscopic hysterectomy on a woman who had benign cysts in her uterus. Their patient was prepped and ready, already fast asleep from the anesthesia. The radio was softly playing classical music. Clarke found it soothing to have it on in the background. They stood over their patient and Clarke took the scalpel and made the first small incision. She'd performed quite a few of these types of surgeries over the last year, so everything was routine to her, and she finished up in under two hours. They left the operating room when the surgery was finished, snapping their gloves off and heading to the sinks to wash up.

"Did you guys set a date yet?" Monty asked as he took off his surgical cap and ran a hand through his hair.

"September, I guess."

"You guess? You don't sound very excited."

Clarke followed Monty out and they made their way to the surgeon's lounge. She went over and got a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch. She slouched down so she could rest her head on the back cushions.

"So, what's up with you, why you so depressed when you talk about your wedding?" Monty asked.

Clarke sighed. "I don't know Mont, sometimes I think, I don't wanna get married. And sometimes, I think, I don't wanna get married to Finn."

"Shit. When did this happen?" He sat down next to her, sipping his beverage of choice, which was Gatorade.

Clarke liked talking to Monty, he never judged her, he always listened, and only offered advice when asked. "I think now that the date is getting closer, I'm starting to feel like this more and more. I feel like I'm suffocating. Marriage is, like, forever, you know? Or at least it should be. One day I'm thinking, I'm not so sure I wanna be with him forever. But, then I wake up the next day, and I think, who cares, just get married. You get along with him, you like him, you can talk to him."

"You love him, right?"

Clarke hesitated, "I've always loved him. We've been best friends for almost our whole lives."

"Nobody says you have to marry your best friend. Are you in love with him?" Monty asked.

"I don't know. Maybe that's the problem. Shouldn't I know that? Shouldn't I feel like I can't live without him?"

"Well, how about this, if he left today, just left you and you'd never see him again, how would you feel? Devastated? Like you can't go on?"

"I don't know. I guess I'd miss him, right?"

"You're asking me?"

Clarke just stared ahead for a few moments. Not wanting to answer any of the questions. "Ugh. How the hell did I get here." She stood up to leave, the tension building in her head, "I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, you wanna join me?"

"Can't buddy. I'm so behind in my paperwork, this is my only chance to get some of it done."

"OK, well, thanks for the counseling session." Clarke started walking toward the door.

"I don't think I helped, but you're welcome. And Clarke." She stopped and turned to look back at him. "You don't have to get married you know. Nobody can force you to get married."

"You'd be surprised," Clarke said as she waved goodbye and headed down the hallway towards the cafeteria. She pictured in her mind what would happen if she broke things off with Finn. Her dad would freak out for sure. Her mom would disown her probably.

Well, OK, she wouldn't disown her, but she would give her that look, the look that said, "why are you making the biggest mistake of your life." Clarke had been privy to that look many times.

She hated that she couldn't just stand up to them. She was thirty-three, why was it so hard? She hated conflict, maybe that was why. It was easier to just go along with what they wanted. She wasted so much energy when she was younger trying to buck the Griffin system, it just wasn't worth it.

Besides, true love, the kind that was all encompassing, was something that existed only in the movies anyway. It wasn't real life, it wasn't how things really were. If you found someone you could get along with, if you found someone who had the same goals in life, who treated you decently, then you should feel lucky.

There, decision made, wedding was on.

Stop being an idiot, Clarke.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When Lexa rang the doorbell at Clarke's house at five p.m., she was a little disappointed when the boyfriend answered. She should have been relieved that she didn't have to deal with the doctor, but that wasn't the case. She found she enjoyed sparring with her. She'd analyze that later.

"Hey Ollie, how's my boy? I'm Finn, you must be our new dog walker," he said as he stuck his hand out, but not before giving Lexa the once over.

The look did not go unnoticed, and it put Lexa on guard a little bit. Lexa took his hand and gave it a firm shake, maybe firmer than usual. "I'm Lexa, nice to meet you."

She saw him wince slightly from her grip. "Well, I have to say, he was really tired last night, so you guys must be doing great things with him."

"Well he's getting plenty of exercise."

"That's good, that's good. I think Clarke's upset I adopted him. Our schedules are a little crazy. Hey, do you wanna come in for a beer or something?"

Lexa knew that was not a good idea. "No thanks, I have more dogs to get home."

"OK sure."

"So, are you guys going to continue to use our service?"

"What did Clarke say?"

"She said she would let me know at the end of the week."

"Oh, I guess I'll check with her. Do we have your number?"

Lexa dug into her pocket, "Here's my card. Just call me before Sunday night."

"I will. Thanks Lexa."

Well at least someone in the house knew her name. "You're welcome. Nice meeting you Finn."

Lexa turned and left. What kinda name was Finn? Sounded like a privileged frat boy.

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End of Chapter 8