Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 71

Lexa spent the next few days just trying to feel better. Slowly the headaches did subside, and her ribs stopped aching. Her sensitivity to light stayed, but she could tell that was getting better, also. As far as any Clarke interaction, she hadn't heard from her since that day she left. Ontari was picking up Oliver, so there was no chance of an accidental meeting. Lexa found that she spent even more time with Oliver when he was at daycare, because it was a tenuous connection to Clarke. She spent her days thinking about her, worrying about her, wondering what she was doing and thinking. Countless texts were written and never sent, just stared at and deleted.

The first week she had remained hopeful. Hopeful that Clarke would find her way back. Which was silly, because that implied they were something and then they weren't. That they started something and stopped.

As the next few weeks slipped by, she began doubting the signals she saw that day, the look in Clarke's eyes, that touch goodbye, the affection. At work, she saw pity in Anya's eyes, so she must've found out about Clarke and Finn. Nothing was spoken, no mention of her feelings for Clarke. Anya respected her privacy, so she never asked probing questions. Lexa decided that it was in her best interest to stop obsessing over it for now, best to save herself the pain and heartache. If Clarke wanted her, Clarke knew where to find her. So, she took that seedling in her heart, tucked it away in a dark place and shut the door.

* * *

Four weeks to the day of her accident, Lexa was sitting on the couch, glasses on, laptop perched on her thighs, trying to get some work done for the business. There were no overnights at the kennel today, so she was enjoying a nice, tranquil, Saturday afternoon. Up until a few days ago, she had trouble staring at a computer screen. But things in her head seemed to be getting back to normal. One kitten was in her lap, and the other pawed continuously at her hands on the keyboard. The dogs started to whine, and both ran to the front door.

"What's up buddies? Someone out there?"

Milo started pawing at the door while Yogi barked.

She got up to see why they were so worked up. "Hey Milo, don't scratch buddy." Through the window she saw a shadowy figure standing off to the side, so she threw open the door. Her heart completely stopped beating. There was Clarke-wearing a black sweater and a light summer jacket-standing with her hands in the back pockets of her jeans-looking sexy and beautiful. All the hard work of trying to put Clarke on the back burner flew out the window. The seedling in her heart moved into the light. And she may have watered it. "Clarke."

"Hey." The dogs scooted out the door, and twisted around Clarke in joy, leaving their feet to try and get a lick in.

"Boys, calm down. Don't jump on her."

Clarke leaned down to give them hugs and kisses. "I see my dogs still love me."

Lexa wanted to shout that they weren't the only ones. "You wanna come in?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Sure, c'mon. Hey, Milo, Yogi, in the house, now, let's go, let Clarke come in." Everyone came back into the house. Lexa closed the door and turned to face Clarke.

"Where are my kittens? There you are." Both padded softly over to Clarke, rubbing against her legs and purring up at her. "Hello Thumper, hello Tigger, how are my babies?" She leaned over and scratched them both under their chins, laughing when they rolled over onto their backs at the same time.

Lexa couldn't quite read the vibe Clarke was giving off, but something seemed different. She wondered if she straightened things out with her family. Did she get back together with Finn? God, she hoped not.

"I love those glasses on you," Clarke said, as she continued to pet the kittens. "They're very sexy," she said in a hushed voice. She got up and started pacing around the living room, fingering the lampshade, brushing her hand across the end tables next to the couch.

Lexa quietly accepted the compliment, feeling a flicker of warmth in her chest. Clarke seemed restless, so Lexa waited patiently for her to say more, feeling certain she didn't drive all the way out here just to tell her she looked sexy in glasses. Although that would've been kind of romantic. Clarke's perfume wafted around the room and Lexa felt weak.

Clarke stopped in front of the fireplace, perusing the various family pictures that sat on the mantle. "I tried," she said softly.

Lexa had to strain to hear her. She waited for more. When the silence continued, she cleared her throat. "Tried what?"

"I tried to stay away." Clarke wouldn't look at Lexa, her eyes glued to the mantle.

"Stay away from what, Clarke?" Lexa held her breath.

"You."

Lexa blew out her breath.

Clarke turned, and their eyes finally met. "I tried to stay away from you." She walked over to the window and stared outside, her back to Lexa. "You see, I know Finn and I broke up just a few weeks ago. And I know that I should take some time to be alone."

Lexa was back to holding her breath, thinking her face was probably turning blue by now.

"And I know I shouldn't drag you into this mess of a life I have right now. But..." she sighed, "I got in my car today. I just wanted to drive, somewhere, anywhere, just to get away from things. I ended up here. It was like I blacked out until I was at your door." Clarke turned and faced Lexa again, her eyes full of emotion. "I get it, if it's too much to handle, me showing up like this." She glanced back out the window. "I'm barely handling it myself. Feel free to tell me to leave, I would totally understand."

Lexa exhaled. Her heartbeat ticked up. The first thought in her head was that Clarke came back. Clarke couldn't stay away. Lexa tried to tamp down the joy that was now growing exponentially in her heart, she tried to play it cool, but the way Clarke was looking at her right now, her eyes soft and vulnerable, ripped at her insides. Now Lexa was the one who couldn't stay away, and she slowly walked over to Clarke. When she stood in front of her, she reached out and grabbed both of her hands. She inched closer, their arms hanging down at their sides, hands still clasped. Lexa leaned in and rested her forehead against Clarke's, closing her eyes. A slight tilt of her head and her nose brushed Clarke's. They stood like that for a few seconds.

"I'm glad you're here," Lexa said softly, running her thumbs along the palms of Clarke's hands.

"I missed you." It was Clarke's turn to brush their noses, her mouth slightly open, reaching. "I tried not to miss you." Her mouth remained open and moving dangerously close to Lexa's lips. "So, just to summarize here," she said slowly, "I tried to stay away, and I tried not to miss you. And failed miserably. At both."

With Clarke's lips so tantalizingly close, Lexa's chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. "I should have dared you to come back," Lexa said, her mouth aching to move closer. Was it possible to be this close and not touching?

Clarke chuckled, her body shifting closer still.

"I should have said, 'Clarke Griffin, I dare you to come see me.'" Lexa's lips curled up slightly at the thought of Clarke Griffin being dared.

Clarke could feel the heat of Lexa's mouth, feel her warm breath, they were that ridiculously close. "Ah, see?" Clarke murmured, her mouth quivering slightly. "This is all your fault, obviously." Her bottom lip jutted out slightly, brushing against Lexa's bottom lip. "These four weeks of hell. I should have-"

"Clarke?" Lexa never wanted anybody as much as she wanted Clarke, the hunger was starting to consume her. Their last kiss seemed like a lifetime ago. She needed this now. Right fucking now.

"Yeah?"

"I dare you to kiss me," she breathed against Clarke's lips.

A perfect dare. A wicked grin. "A dare?"

Lexa solemnly nodded her head once. "Show me whatcha got, Clarke," she whispered.

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End of Chapter 71