Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 76

Monty and Clarke sat in the lounge, side by side on the couch. Clarke was thankful there were no emergencies that needed her attention at the moment.

"Maybe it's a false positive," Monty said.

"You know these things are ninety-nine percent accurate. And I did it twice."

"Yeah." Monty had brought back two tests, just in case.

Clarke sighed. "And I've got morning sickness. So, there's that."

They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two. "What am I gonna do, Mont?"

"Do you want the baby, Clarke?"

Clarke bit her lip, taking a few seconds to answer. "Yeah, I guess I do. Of course, I do. It's just...the timing is awful. Like, it couldn't be much worse. I didn't think I'd have a child until my career was on track. I certainly didn't want one while I'm still in my residency. Ugh." She covered her face with her hands. "And I just broke up with Finn for god's sake. We broke up. And now I'm pregnant. Unbelievable. Life is fucking cruel."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

Clarke continued speaking through the hands that covered her face, head leaning against the back of the couch. "Of course. He has a right to know."

"How do you think he'll react?"

"Christ, he'll be ecstatic. That's all he's ever talked about, having kids. Oh my god, I can't believe this." Clarke's arms flopped back down on the couch.

"Will you get back together with him?"

The thought had briefly crossed Clarke's mind. She took a moment to ponder the question. Was that an option? Probably. Lexa's face suddenly swam before her eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. Clarke quickly pushed the image from her brain, not ready to deal with that right now. She didn't want to remember the happiness that was there a mere hour ago. "I don't know," was the only answer she could give at this moment.

Clarke was like a zombie all through her shift at the hospital. Everything was different now, it was like the world changed in the last couple of hours. How naive she was, thinking life was complicated before. Thinking that breaking up a six-year relationship was complicated. Thinking that bucking her parent's wishes for the first time was complicated. Ha! That was child's play. Now life was complicated. Now there was nowhere to run or hide. The decisions she would make in the next couple of days would have a lasting effect, not just on her, but on other people. But she wasn't making them now, they could wait, at least until she was off the clock.

So, pushing all thoughts aside, she immersed herself in work. With a strength Clarke didn't know she possessed, she shut down her mind and went through her routines. There was comfort in routines. Comfort in doing the same things you'd been doing, day after day. A normalcy. At exactly three, she had a cup of coffee. At five, it was off to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Even though the meal was unappetizing, even though the food ended up just getting pushed around on the plate, this was what she did. At seven, with no emergencies looming, she cleared up paperwork from the week before. Because that is what she normally did when it was slow.

When Clarke got home, Finn's car was in the driveway. She prayed that he had gone to bed by now, because it was almost eleven-thirty. Since the breakup, she'd been looking for an apartment in the area near the hospital that allowed cats, but so far, she'd had no luck. Staying at Finn's, while not ideal, was the best she could come up with. Finn had offered her the guest bedroom. She knew it was his way of keeping her close. The silent pleading in his eyes was there when they would run into each other. Because he still held out hope that Clarke might come back. Occasionally, they would talk, and he would say that he still loved her, that he still thought it would work. That they were good together. Other times he would ask about her day, like nothing ever happened. Maybe this was his routine, his normalcy. His way of coping.

Clarke put the key in the lock and pushed open the door. Oliver was the first to greet her, bounding up and jumping all around. "Hey buddy, how's my boy." Leaning over, she gave him a hug and a kiss on the nose, smiling when he answered in kind. Jinx was next, weaving in and out of her legs, tail twitching. She straightened, putting the car keys in the bowl on the table. Finn was sitting on the couch watching TV.

Walking into the living room, she took a seat in the chair across from him.

He seemed to sense something was different, and looked at her questioningly, "Clarke? Are you okay?"

She was amazed that after all that had happened in the past four weeks, he could still show so much concern for her. That he could be so in tune to her feelings and moods. Clarke guessed that sixteen years of knowing someone could do that. "We have to talk."

Finn reached for the remote and turned off the TV. "Is there anything wrong?"

A sad smile reached Clarke's lips. Swallowing the lump that was starting to form in the back of her throat, she blew out a quick breath. "I'm pregnant."

Finn's reply was a blank stare.

"Finn, I'm pregnant."

A chain reaction of emotions played across his face. First came confusion, then comprehension, then disbelief, then a tiny bit of controlled joy. "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"How...wha...when?"

"How? Really?"

He started stammering, "I know how...Clarke...but...when..."

"After dinner at Bellamy's? About a month ago? We didn't use a condom."

The light went on in his eyes. "Oh, right. Oh, shit. Oh, shit." Finn jumped to his feet, rubbing at the back of his neck. "When did you find out?"

"Today."

"What are you gonna do?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm having it."

A look of relief passed over him. "That's good. Right?"

"I guess. Timing sucks."

He went over to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in his. "I'll help you. I'll take care of you both. You can stay here. We'll turn that third bedroom into a nursery. I can work on it in my spare time."

Clarke's heart constricted at the hopefulness in his eyes. "I don't know..."

Finn was not to be deterred as his face brightened with enthusiasm. "Clarke let's raise this baby together."

Clarke knew that he would be a terrific dad. How many times did she hear him say that if they had a boy, he was going to teach him to play baseball. If it was a daughter, he would teach her to play golf.

"Clarke give us another chance. Let's have this baby together. We can do this. We've always talked about having children. Please Clarke. Let's try again. For our baby. We'll just start fresh. Leave the past in the past. We'll have a new beginning."

Clarke slowly disengaged her hands from his. "I have to think about it, Finn. Right now, I feel so overwhelmed. I need a little time, to sort it all out."

"Yeah, yeah, of course you do. I'm sorry. Think about it. But I'm here for you. Whatever you need, okay?"

"Thanks. I'm gonna head up to bed. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Sure, yeah, later. We'll talk tomorrow."

As Clarke got up, Oliver got up with her. She looked to Finn. Oliver had been sleeping with him, and Clarke missed his canine warmth.

"Take him up with you, Clarke. Tonight, he should be with you."

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End of Chapter 76