Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 77

Clarke fell into bed, exhausted, but knowing that sleep would be elusive. She tossed and turned for hours, an inner dialogue running rampant in her brain. Our baby. They created a tiny life together. Clarke rested a hand on her abdomen. Already feeling the connection. This child was now the most important thing in Clarke's life. Everything else paled in comparison. This baby's happiness would come before all else, would come before Clarke's happiness, before Clarke's needs. This is what she did best. Others before self. She'd been doing it for over thirty years. She was used to it. She had to make the right decision as far as their futures were concerned.

Clarke's legs were jittery, so she got up and walked around the room, continuing to try and sort through what was going on in her head.

Her thoughts drifted to Lexa. It wasn't the first time she had thought about her. Green eyes were there, all day and night, floating in the periphery. Haunting her. Lexa, who made her smile and laugh. Whose touch was so tender it was almost heartbreaking. Clarke reached out and touched the T-shirt that was on the bureau. Lexa's T-shirt. She brought the shirt to her nose and inhaled the scent of her. If she closed her eyes, she could feel Lexa's arms around her. For the first time in her life, Clarke had felt free. Free to love, free to be herself, free from expectations. Free from pleasing other people. Free to be happy.

Taking off her night shirt, Clarke slipped Lexa's T-shirt on instead, and was wrapped in instant warmth, as she continued to pace around the room. How could she possibly ask Lexa to take this on? They met barely four months ago. Four months! God, it felt like so much longer. And they spent most of those four months arguing and butting heads. So, really, they've been friends for a month. She couldn't ask. It was too much.

Crawling back into bed, she pulled her knees into her chest, sighing. They had spent a wonderful weekend together. Well, it wasn't even a full weekend. Hell, it wasn't even a full day. Just an incredible eighteen hours. Yes, the sex was incredible. Intense and hot. But usually when something burns so hot, so quickly, it flames out just as quick. What if in a few months, their passion cooled, their feelings faded? And Lexa felt stuck. Stuck with Clarke and a baby that wasn't hers? Trapped. How could she do that to Lexa? Having a baby wasn't like moving in together or buying a house together. Having a baby was a lifetime commitment. You just don't dump that kind of thing on someone you haven't even known for very long. Right? Of course, you don't.

Yes, Clarke was crazy about Lexa, fancied herself in love. But now, everything was different. There was someone else to consider. And Lexa never declared any feelings. Maybe she wasn't feeling the same way Clarke was feeling. Maybe she wasn't in love with Clarke. Just really attracted to her. Although Lexa did mention being tamed, but maybe that was said in the heat of the moment.

By the time Clarke got done talking to Clarke, it was five a.m., and she was convinced that a one-month friendship turned sexual relationship could not withstand a baby. Every rational bone in her body told her it was too much. It was crazy. It was unheard of.

The best thing for the baby was a stable environment, with two loving parents. Finn was the very definition of stable. He would love his child unconditionally. He would be a great father. He would move heaven and earth for his child, she knew this.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Oliver and buried her face in his coat, her heart starting to ache. Tears pooled in her eyes thinking about the ramifications of this decision. They spilled over as she thought about the conversation she would have with Lexa. Was it possible to pull away after getting so close this past weekend? God, she hoped so. Clarke prayed she had the strength.

Maybe she and Lexa could go back to being friends. Maybe friendship had a chance now. Maybe having sex will have taken the edge off their physical attraction, and the passion would fade, and they could still be in each other's lives. That thought made her a tiny bit happy. Maybe it could work.

Maybe.

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End of Chapter 77