Love Hate Relationship

Chapter 64

It was late Saturday afternoon, a week after the dog lesson with Lexa. Clarke was at the grocery store, stocking up for the week, meandering up and down the aisles with her cart. She still had a slight headache, waking up with it. She had spent the early part of the day at the hospital doing paperwork. Thank god there were no surgeries on the schedule today. Although, if she were scheduled, she would never have drank so much wine last night at Bell and Echo's. And then maybe she and Finn wouldn't have had sex. It had been a while for them. He cajoled and pleaded, practically guilting her into it. Clarke was so detached during the act, it was alarming. So many thoughts were swirling in her mind. Her favorite brunette being front and center. She should have been thinking about the pleasure that Finn was trying to give her. However, part of her traitorous mind felt like she was cheating on Lexa. Which was ridiculous. They were just friends. But clearly the physical pull was still there between them, and it was like swimming against a rip tide. The jury was still out on this friendship plan of hers. She had yet to call her in regard to another lesson, feeling the need to put some emotional distance between them. Maybe she would feel stronger in another week.

She took a ticket at the deli counter and waited her turn. She had to get home, take a shower and put on a dress. Tonight was dinner with Finn and all his people from work. He'd been reminding her of this event for months. The plan was that she would meet Finn at the restaurant, since he had been working today and would leave right from there. She wished she could beg out of it. She disliked most of the people he worked with, John Murphy topping the list. But, it was her duty to be there by his side. It was the least she could do since she'd been so distant with him lately.

As she placed an order, her phone buzzed. She reached down, pulling it out of her pocket. It was a voicemail from Bellamy. That was odd, she thought. She knew he was working today. She didn't even hear the phone ring or feel it vibrate. She pressed the voicemail playback button and tried to understand what he was saying. There was a siren in the background and a ton of static on the line, his voice kept cutting in and out, making the message sound garbled and incomplete.

"Clarke, it's Bell......wanted...you know...Lexa was in...accident...really bad. We're on our way...UWMC now. She... unconscious..." And that was it. The message had cut off.

Clarke stared at her phone, frozen in place. Lexa was in an accident? And it was bad? Her hands started to shake as she tried calling Bellamy back. It went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!" she yelled, not caring who heard. Her heart was suddenly slamming inside her chest. The only thought that ripped through her brain was that it was a motorcycle accident. And he said it was really bad. She began to panic and started hyperventilating. Motorcycle accidents were deadly. Oh god. What if she was seriously injured and didn't make it? Clarke's world suddenly seemed to be careening out of control. It felt like the bottom just dropped out. She pushed her cart off to the side and ran through the store, heading outside. When she got into the car, she floored it out of the parking lot, wheels spinning and burning. Unfortunately, she was a good thirty minutes away from the hospital. Damn it! Why did she have to go grocery shopping at Whole Foods today!

She pounded the steering wheel at every red light. Tears began slipping out of her eyes as she thought of Lexa lying there, possibly dying. She can't die, she just can't. Clarke's brain went into overdrive as she thought about never seeing her again. All she kept saying over and over again was, this cannot be happening, she can't lose her, she was too important. Life without Lexa was unimaginable.

This was punishment for Clarke caring so deeply about her. For Clarke cheating on Finn with the kisses and sexual thoughts and dreams. For wanting to touch her constantly. For wanting to be friends and so much more. For wanting to share herself. For being...in love? Clarke stopped breathing. She was locked in traffic at a red light when that thought came home to roost. Love. That was it. Oh god. She was in love. Oh god, oh god. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel, and then started grinding it back and forth into the leather. She was in love. Oh god. And it wasn't with Finn. It was supposed to be with Finn. That was her destiny. That's what everybody wanted. Everybody being her family. But she was in love with Lexa. And now she was probably losing her before they even had a chance.