Vinnie Hacker Imagines

116. Ghost of you

Plot: Vinnie is now a single dad

Trigger warning: mention of death
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Vinnie kissed his six year old daughter's cheek as she clutched her stuffed animal in her hands and shut her eyes, attempting to go back to sleep after yet another bad dream that she woke Vinnie up about.

She's been receiving them almost everyday since the accident.

He gets off the side of her bed and walks out, shutting the door behind him, but not all the way. He makes his way over to the adjacent room, the one that belong to his four year old son, squeezing the handle and opening the door. He's fast asleep.

Vinnie stands there for a moment, taking in his sleeping figure before turning away.

He walks back down the hall to where his room is. Upon crawling back into bed, he brings his knees up and rests his arms on them, taking a deep breath. The familiar sensation of grief, sadness, and anger stirring up inside him. He knew from hearing about strangers losing loved ones and he knew it would be bad, but he never thought it would be this bad. He was sick to his stomach.

His kids were still too young to really get it, but he was dreading the day they would fully understand what happened.

That mama isn't coming back.

Car accident. Some man not paying attention and speeding ran the red light and hit your car in the intersection on your way home.

So fucking unfair that the man is still alive while you're life was taken from you.

He was in the denial stage for sure. Constantly texting your phone, praying that this was just a bad dream and wondering why God wouldn't wake him up. He had to come to terms with reality once the most recent message turned green, indicating that your number was no longer in service.

It's crazy how one moment you can be here, and the next moment you're not. Tomorrow isn't promised. Death is no respecter of persons.

It didn't seem real that you were actually gone. Someone that he saw nearly everyday wasn't here anymore. There were times when he wanted to tell you something funny or tell you something that one of the children did, but he couldn't. Every day since the accident has been gray and a blur.

The children were another thing.

Vinnie was now responsible for two kids. Two young kids. Being a single parent was going to be rough. It was already hard. He found himself getting frustrated often. He felt bad because he knew it wasn't their fault. He also felt obligated to put on a smile for them.

He didn't realize he was starting to cry until he felt a tear drip down his face. Quickly wiping it away, he laid down, pulling the covers over him. But just as he was about to close his eyes, they jolted open.

He swears he saw something from your side of the bed, which by the way, was still made up. Rubbing his eyes and trying to adjust to the darkness, he didn't see anything, but he let out a sigh.

From his point of view, he was looking into an empty space.

But you were right there. In your usual spot, with your head turned to face him. From your point of view, he was looking directly into your eyes.

You wanted to tell him that nothing could have prepared him nor you for this. You want him to go out and live his life. To let him know that he's got it figured out, even though he doesn't know it. And when he messes up, he'll get right back on track like he always does. All the plans he made will work out in your absence. That everything will go back to normal. Well, that was easy for you to say.

But not really. You were hurting too. You had crossed a bridge that your family can't follow.

You also wanted to move his curls out of his face. But you've always liked the longer hair.

But it's like he knew you were speaking to him. He immediately felt a sense of comfort wash over him. He reached over and rubbed a part of your spot on the bed, but from your perspective, he was gently grazing over your hand. He didn't even know it and you could have burst into tears right there.

He pulled away and did his best to go back to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, Vinnie was starting to get better. He has acknowledged his pain and accepted your loss. He's trying his best to move on. Waking up and getting out of bed, getting the kids ready for school/helping the oldest with her homework, cleaning the house, running errands, talking to friends, and supporting himself emotionally by taking care of himself physically. He was doing it.

He will find light in this world again, even though it's going to be hard without the love of his life by his side. But you'll always be there in his heart.

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"So if I can't be close to you, I'll settle for the ghost of you. I miss you more than life."