Decades

Exposed

Lindsey and Stevie wrapped around each other, limbs intertwined, sweat-drenched and out of breath. They were so intimately in tune with each other that every touch, every look, every kiss, every thrust was exactly as they needed it to be. They could satisfy each other in ways neither had found in the arms of another.

After pouring themselves into each other and laying themselves bare with their physicality and the words most of the day and into the night, they found themselves to be suddenly shy. It was easy to ask for love and to offer it when their passion for each other was at a boiling point, and in those moments, it was easier to believe what they were hearing was all true.

Words like "always," and "forever," and "the only one," and "nobody else," and "love," and "future" were tossed around with authenticity. As the words came from their mouths, the two had never spoken truer words.

But, after all they'd been through, neither completely trusted the other with their hearts anymore. Neither could be sure whether the other had said things they wanted to hear in the heat of the moment or if they meant them.

Already, an unspoken fear began to creep into the room. They wondered if they'd taken what the other said too seriously. Or if they themselves had said too much.

Stevie pulled the covers up over them, chilled from the sweat on her skin and the fan blowing on them from above, but as much as anything, she felt too exposed. It wasn't the exposure of her body that left her uncomfortable, but the exposure of her heart that she wished she'd protected better.

He wrapped her tightly in his arms, kissing the top of her head. Squeezing her into the tightest hug and sighing. The strength of his embrace told her he might be subconsciously trying to hold on to the way they'd felt a few minutes earlier, too.

His insecurity about her, while often well-founded, had led to Stevie wanting her freedom. She didn't want to live under the shadows of her unfaithfulness and his fears. Guilt and apologies and always feeling like she had to right a wrong or put up with his controlling manner because she'd done something to deserve it was a heavy way to live.

So much control he'd exerted to try and keep her, ultimately causing her to run from the relationship because it created such a hostile environment. The whole world wanted Stevie and lined up for her attention: positive attention, fun attention, adoration, no baggage, punishment, mistrust, or hostility. As much as she loved Lindsey, and with all of her heart she did, she struggled under his love for her. She wished they were starting with a clean, fresh slate.

She realized that everything she'd told Lindsey tonight would be analyzed and thought about at length by him. He'd find a way to torment himself with her words and, in turn, she feared, torment her. She loved this man so much, but she struggled under the magnifying glass his feelings for her created.

Had his rejection of her in that hallways motivated her to be with him this way, to prove to herself that he still wanted her? To offer him hope? Or had she wanted him for the right reasons? She always loved him, even went things were terrible between them. She knew she'd reset things with him tonight and that he did want her. She hoped she hadn't been too selfish.

She wondered if she could be what he wanted. Did she even want to be what he wanted? Was that girl what she wanted for herself? Could he accept what she was, fallible and full of shortcomings? Or did he love an imaginary, nonexistent version of her? Would he want her if she didn't share his dream or live up to it? Could he allow her to be herself and make her own choices and shine independently of him? Could he love her if she was a fully actualized version of herself? Or only if she was half of Buckingham Nicks? Would she be his biggest disappointment?

Only time would tell.

She needed to exorcise this heaviness from her heart and mind. She rolled over and grabbed the coke mirror from her nightstand, illuminated by candles burning low. She took the crystal vial filled with white powder, and chalked them both out a long line. Lindsey watched her a little sadly. She did her line and offered him the mirror. He shook his head, turning it down. All he needed to feel good was her. She did his line too.

Her mood instantly improved, and she moved over to straddle Lindsey. She was determined to fuck the negative thoughts she was experiencing out of her head. If he had any of the same thoughts, well, dammit, she'd fuck them out of his head too.