Decades

Communication is Good

When Lindsey dozed off the night before, he'd been full of hope. But when he rolled over, shortly past dawn, Stevie wasn't there. He knew he hadn't just dreamed she'd been beside him, though it wouldn't have surprised him. He'd had those realistic dreams before. But, this morning, he could smell her perfume, and there were a couple of long, blonde hairs on the pillow she'd slept on.

He called her name, hoping that she was putting on a pot of coffee or was making a trip to the bathroom.

But his call went unanswered.

Lindsey had been here before. He had a sinking feeling that he hated. Sadly, it was a familiar one, as far as Stevie was concerned.

She was gone. He was sure of it.

He scrolled his phone and found Stevie's room number and dialed it.

No answer.

He got out of bed, pulled on his clothes, and walked to her suite. When he knocked, a cleaning lady answered the door and informed him that the former guest had already checked out.

Dammit.

Lindsey knew then that she was gone. He slowly walked back down the hallway to his room, where he fell back on the sofa, covered his face with his hands, and sobbed. She'd given him a glimmer of hope, and he'd hung his future on it, only to have it disappear in the morning light.

What had gone wrong? He couldn't figure it out, though he lay there all day trying to. Frustratingly, he knew Stevie well enough to know that he may never find out. She'd changed her mind about him and was gone again as quickly as she'd appeared back in his arms.

He was thankful to have had her love for a couple of nights. That was more than she'd offered him in far too long. He'd hang on to the brief time that he'd fooled himself into believing she was his again. Old wounds had been reopened, the pain of being rejected by the love of his life had become fresh again, and he could feel the disappointment in his soul. But, if asked if it was worth it, just having her in his arms again for such a short time and then having to suffer so miserably for it, he'd answer yes. 

Yes, having her for any amount of time was worth the pain it inevitably caused him.

As a young man, Lindsey already knew that he wouldn't get over Stevie. Though, he had a parade of substitutes that he tried to use to take her place. As an older man, nothing had changed.

Stevie had cleared the air about one mystery but created another.  "And wasn't that just like her?" Lindsey thought.

—-------------

The night of their big talk, she'd told him what happened. "After the show, I needed some more coke. I know you were worried about me and how much I was using then. And honestly, you were right to be worried. The amount I was using in front of people was alarming, but no one really knew how much I was hiding. It was terrifying, looking back," Stevie told Lindsey.

"I knew you didn't like me going with Don to have a couple of lines. And I was trying to play it cool, but I couldn't have performed then without it. I'd used what I had on me. I even got some from Mick backstage. If anyone had seen how much I'd used, they would have been alarmed. And I wasn't ready to be checked into rehab just then," Stevie was confessing to the drug problem that she battled with, even though by this point, Lindsey knew it had been really serious.

"Lindsey, I was in survival mode. It took more and more and even more just for me to function. I would have died before I let you see how much I was actually using. And I guess that night, running on no sleep and nerves, I really overdid it. I started thinking my heart was going to explode," Stevie cradled her forehead in her hand, frustrated with her past behavior, before she went on.