Decades

You Can't Choose Your Muse

"You should be! Do you think I don't know that? That I don't agree with you? You fucking should be," Lindsey ran his hands over his face and into his hair, his body language demonstrating his frustration, "but you're not. And I can't help that or change it."

He admitted it, not that he'd needed to, she knew. It wasn't like she hadn't been able to see for herself. She was, after all, living this story.

She grabbed her coat, slipped into her shoes, and headed for the door. The bellman had already taken her bags downstairs. She had to go, her car was already there. "I can't keep doing this, you know? I won't do this forever."

"I'm sorry, I really am. And I understand. I wish it were different. I wish I were different. You deserve better," Lindsey said with tears in his eyes. She could see that he genuinely meant what he was saying. But his regret didn't change things for either of them.

"I've got to go. I'll see you back in LA," she walked towards the door. Lindsey rose to walk her downstairs, but she objected and told him she was afraid of how she'd react if she had to say goodbye in public and would rather he stay in the suite so as not to create a scene.

—----------

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, standing in the hallway alone. Before she pressed the down arrow to call the elevator, the doors opened. There was another passenger inside. She felt another stab of defeat when she saw the familiar blonde rifling through her handbag.

The other woman looked up and said, "Hi, Kristen! Going up or down? I just left the rooftop bar. It has a great view! I'm going down to meet someone in the lobby, and we're going to go back up to join the guys. You two should come and have a drink. Are you going down, too? Should I hold the elevator for Lindsey?" she fumbled with the button to hold the door open.

After the few drinks she'd had, Stevie realized she was way too chatty when she noticed Kristen's expression, though she couldn't seem to stop herself.

Kristen stepped into the elevator, wanting to scream at the idea of being trapped in this metal box with the woman who she believed had robbed her of a happy life. But she simply said, "Yes, going down."

Stevie saw Kristen wiping her eyes and noticed that her face was red from crying. She struggled with whether she should ignore it or acknowledge it. Her sympathy for the woman won out. Stevie thought that Kristen was probably unaware of the times that Lindsey had broken his marriage vows with her over the years.

But, since Stevie and Lindsey hadn't reconnected in years, she felt comfortable that the tears weren't due to anything she had done. So, Stevie asked her if she was okay placing her hand on the other woman's forearm.

Kristen stared straight ahead, willing the doors to open and wishing that Stevie's cool hand wasn't touching her. How could she answer such a question? Kristen wondered. And how could Stevie, who'd caused so many difficulties in her marriage, ask her something so ridiculous? Of course, she was not okay. Obviously.

Looking ahead, Kristen answered in a seething tone, "No. I'm not okay," she shook her head. "I have been married for years now with three beautiful, perfect children. However, my husband is in love with someone else, Stevie," she said, finally turning to glare at the woman her husband loved, "and while he'll never leave me, he'll also never actually choose me. So, no. No, I'm not okay."

Before Stevie could respond, the elevator doors opened, and a family of four stepped inside, dividing the two women. The couple recognized Stevie and immediately began telling her how much they loved her and that they were in town for the concert the next night. She politely thanked them and told them she hoped they'd enjoy the show.