Decades

Read Between My Lines

Lindsey was sore, his voice didn't sound right, and he felt weak and broken. For the first time, he felt old. But he was also grateful to be alive. His dad and his brother had not been so lucky. He'd survived. He was surrounded by his family and was determined to take advantage of this second chance.

He had been disoriented when he'd first come around. His feeding tube had been removed, and he'd been confused. His girls were on either side of his bed, and they were encouraging him to stay quiet while telling him how glad they were that he was awake. He was overcome with emotion; they were so beautiful, and he was so lucky they were his.

He asked about Will, and they told him that he had gone with their mom to get something to eat. Will was a mama's boy and would always be the first one to look out for her. Lindsey often guiltily thought that he'd felt responsible for his mom's happiness since her husband hadn't taken the job very seriously. He was sure that's one reason they were so deeply bonded. He was proud of his son.

Will's job hadn't been an easy one. He was the sole reason that Kristen and Lindsey ever got past that night in her hotel room. Without her becoming pregnant with him, Lindsey knew they'd have never spoken again. Will's very existence had been universally blamed for Lindsey and Stevie not living happily ever after. His mom had been vilified over the years because of being pregnant with him. He felt a protectiveness of his mom and a guilt for simply existing that a kid shouldn't have to experience.

Lindsey loved his son dearly and had often tried to reassure him that he was proud of him and glad to be his dad. But Will suspected his dad regretted having him. His life would have been what he'd wanted it to be if he hadn't been born. He felt to blame when his father wasn't happy, which was much of the time.

The girls hadn't experienced the same abuse over the fact that they were born. And Lindsey had softened a great degree as the father of girls. He loved his children but realized that their relationships weren't quite as fraught. He'd accepted that he was in a relationship with their mother by the time they came along.

He whispered another question, and LeeLee had to lean close to understand him. "Where did Stevie go?" he asked. His eyes scanned the room and tried to peer through the curtain again.

"Dad, we haven't seen Stevie," she told her father. Her eyes were filled with pity for her father. She could see how badly he wanted his former bandmate and girlfriend to check on him. It made her sad and angry that Stevie hadn't come. But, she was glad she hadn't at the same time. Her mom didn't need that.

The look on his face told them he doubted that Stevie hadn't been there. He wasn't sure why they weren't telling him where Stevie had gone, but he was too exhausted from just being awake to push the subject. He was sure she'd been there. She'd wanted to make things right. She'd pushed him to wake up. He was sure he remembered that.

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Mick called Stevie with an update about what he had heard about Lindsey. She was relieved that he was awake. But none of the band members were rushing to the hospital. It seemed that everyone was afraid to cause a scene. His family was surely angry with them and Lindsey probably resented them, too. So, they all chose to stay away and felt cowardly and somewhat ashamed of themselves because of it.

Stevie sat down with her embossed stationery and began to pen a heartfelt letter to Lindsey. She wouldn't go to him, as she didn't want to upset him, and she wouldn't do anything to risk his recovery.

She tapped her pen to the page, considering her words, and then began to write.

Linds,

When Chris called me to tell me about your heart attack, my heart nearly stopped as well. I am so sorry for all that you have been through and I am sorry if any of your health condition was caused by me, and things with the band. First and foremost, I need to apologize for that.