Decades

Connections and Reconnections

Stevie continued to talk as the night wore on. Although she did consider running away from this whole conversation more than once. While she spoke, Lindsey did his best to listen to her without getting defensive. If he wanted the real story from her, her real motivations, he couldn't chance shutting her down with accusations or judgment. He didn't want her to say what she thought he wanted her to hear. He truly wanted to understand why she'd left him that time.

Since this hadn't been his go-to when dealing with their shared past for decades, approaching this in a different way proved to be an exercise in willpower. Lots of time was spent biting his tongue as his old habits were difficult to break. But, he was determined to do what it took to comprehend why his life today looked nothing like he believed it should have looked.

Stevie suggested they go outside on her balcony. It was darker out there, and she felt less exposed. So, Lindsey followed her outside, carrying his glass and the bottle of whiskey. They talked about the argument that night, about Don's visit, about the note in question.

Sharing a joint that Lindsey had procured for the occasion, they began to reminisce about the lovemaking that came afterward. This was a dangerous address on Memory Lane to visit as they sat together, with the night before them, all alone in a hotel suite with no one to chaperone them or to convince them that being together was wrong. This could prove to be a reminder that being together was always right for them.

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Lindsey had returned Stevie's kisses with tenderness. They were both trying to push through their hurt and sadness to find each other again. "I'm afraid," Stevie told him. She didn't need to elaborate. He was afraid, too.

He was afraid of his feelings and the actions they spurred. He was possessive. Too possessive.

And it was too much. Way too much.

He knew this. But he simply couldn't help how he felt.

Not tonight, anyway.

Probably never.

He did not want to let his need to possess her govern his actions moving forward. He was determined not to let his jealousy harm her anymore. He could see how his suspicions, lack of trust, his impulsive angry behavior and his unmanaged temper had hurt her, and he hated himself for it.

But Lindsey was self-aware enough to know that he'd never stop trying to make her his. It was difficult to actually believe it and relax in that knowledge when she told him she was his. He couldn't quite accept it after all that had happened between them, although he wanted to.

In her heart, Stevie was his. She belonged to him. She wanted Lindsey to possess her without suffocating her with his jealousy and mistrust. She feared disappointing him. The last thing she wanted to do was be a letdown for him. But she wondered if she could really be who he wanted her to be.

She was afraid she'd always be competing with his idea of her or the memory of the girl she clearly wasn't anymore. She missed that girl, too. But drugs, the breakup, success, fame, wealth, and heartache had changed her. She feared it was that girl Lindsey loved, not the person she was now. Though, at her core, she was still the woman Lindsey had fallen for all those many years before, through the cocaine and the lens of his resentment, it was hard for Stevie to remember that.

They both wanted to be the two sweet kids who fell in love before life got so complicated. Stevie looked into Lindsey's blue eyes as they softly gazed back at her. She loved him so much that it hurt. She wished they could share the same skin so they'd never be apart.

Their kisses became needy. Their hands explored each other gently at first. Both were searching for a piece of the other that they could hold on to, the part that would keep them from losing each other in their shared fears and the darkness that invariably tended to creep in.