Decades

As It Was

Things began to become a bit prickly between Stevie and Lindsey as they unpacked baggage that should have mercifully been lost in transit. Arizona had been a turning point for them. Stevie decided for both of them that things were over. She had finally gone her own way.

She'd truly believed he should have stopped her, if he'd really loved her, from going with Edward. She was right. He should have, he knew.

But anger and his old familiar emotion, jealousy, prickled at the edges of the memories for him. She could have stopped herself just as easily, and yet she hadn't. Things weren't as complicated for her. She wasn't married. She didn't have a family with him. Stevie had called all the shots, as always. She'd walked away from both of them that day.

Riling himself up, Lindsey thought over what she'd told him that night. She'd decided, without him, what was going to happen. She had effectively ruined things between them. It wasn't all him. He had only done what he thought was best for her and best for his family. He tried to tell himself he'd been willing to give everything up for her.

She'd pointed out that if he had really wanted things to work with her, nothing had been stopping him from ending his marriage and getting himself sorted out. He could have handled the messy parts and then come for her. But he didn't take that gamble.

Still, she had waited. She avoided him for the rest of the tour. But, when she heard him outside her dressing room or saw him in the hotel, she hoped, in spite of herself, that he'd come to her and tell her he'd chosen her and had left Kristen. She'd removed herself physically from Lindsey's life. They no longer shared inside jokes and laughs, meaningful glances, heartfelt words, or a mutual bed.

They only shared the stage. But hope is the last to leave, and it clung to Stevie even though she tried to ignore it.

On this night, on a mattress on the floor, Lindsey argued that he didn't think she was willing to try, and he was trying to respect what she'd told him. This caused the conversation to circle back to Stevie's point of view.

She again stressed that he wasn't willing to take a risk since he didn't believe she was a sure thing. He couldn't take a leap of faith where she was concerned. He hadn't trusted that she loved him enough to take a chance on her. He wasn't willing to give anything up. 

Most hurtfully, he had been willing to let her sleep with another man on a night they'd planned to spend together because he hadn't felt strongly enough about her to make a move.

Lindsey's temper flared, and he angrily lashed out at Stevie. The two of them always knew the right words to hurt each other. Their skills had been honed for decades. When she brought up that night in Arizona when he didn't stop her from leaving with Edward, he told her she couldn't possibly understand his position since she didn't have a family of her own. 

He knew that was hitting below the belt.

The stricken look in Stevie's eyes made him immediately regret striking out at her in anger. She looked down, blinking back tears, her hand nervously twisting her braid. She looked so hurt and so fragile. Lindsey felt terrible.

He had been pissed, never able to control his emotions where she was concerned. He'd wanted to blame her for his life not being what he knew it could have been. He blamed himself so often, and he was sick of reliving his mistakes, especially knowing she shared in the responsibility for the years they'd spent apart. He wanted her to feel as badly as he did.

Stevie gathered her things, pulling on the bedframe beside the mattress to help herself up stiffly, suddenly feeling each and every one of her years. She made her way to the door. Lindsey called her name pleadingly, but she had her back to him, managing to hide her tears as best she could.