Decades

Hopes and Doubts

This one may not be for everybody. I deleted a lot of what I'd written to try and keep it a little less potentially offensive. Sorry if it's still not your cup of tea! If you'd prefer the cleaned-up version, message me, and I'll hit the highlights so you can spare yourself the details. 

Lindsey went to sleep hopeful for the first time in years. Stevie was back in his arms, and she was going to be his again. He was going to need to talk to Kristen about a divorce. But he needed to do it in person. They had three children, and she'd been a good wife to him. He dreaded telling her that they were over, but he looked forward to moving on.

Being married to a woman he wasn't in love with and knowing the woman he loved still loved him and that he had hope that he could spend his remaining time on the planet with her made his heart soar. He'd still be involved with his children just like he was now. That would not change. He traveled so much anyway that there would hardly be a noticeable difference. It wasn't like he and Kristen were joined at the hip anyway.

He had considered their reaction before. Many times, actually. The fantasy of leaving their mother for Stevie was one he consistently had. They loved their mother, and so did he, in his own way.

He understood that the children would wonder why he was leaving and why he didn't love their mother enough to remain married to her. He would explain his feelings for Stevie and how their shared history and the deep love they felt for each other was something they couldn't ignore.

He'd also explain that he was doing their mom a disservice by staying with her. She deserved someone who could love only her. He was monopolizing the time Kristen had to find the love of her life. It would be selfish to keep her from finding the kind of intense love that he had for Stevie.

It made him sad to think she would never know the kind of feelings he had for Stevie and that she had for him. Kristen didn't deserve to spend her life not being fully loved. By leaving, he'd be demonstrating to his kids that true love never died and that it was very possible to have real, genuine love. They'd see that one never needs to settle for anything less than the real thing. He'd lead by example.

They might be angry at first, but they loved Stevie. Everyone did. Even if she'd kept her distance over the years, she loved them because they were his and would do everything she could to make it work. She would want and do what was best for them. There was no doubt in his mind about it.

People divorced all the time, and kids adapted. They'd see how much happier he was, and he could finally be the father he always wanted to be. They wouldn't see the underlying disappointment he had in being married to their mother and leading a half life anymore.

Bringing Stevie into his children's lives was going to massively improve it. She improved everything by her very nature. They were going to love spending time with her. He couldn't wait to get to that point. Lindsey dozed off as happy and as hopeful as he'd been since the part of 1997 when it looked like he and Stevie had a chance.

The night before had been an emotional one for Stevie and Lindsey. Stevie had sat atop Lindsey's lap on their balcony after sharing a passionate kiss. She was going to finally explain to him why she'd left with Don.

"You asked me to marry you," she said, looking at him with such regret and sadness.

"And you said yes," his expression matched hers. "But you didn't mean it. You didn't want to be my wife."

"Oh, baby," Stevie's hand was on his cheek. "I meant it. I wanted it more than I've ever wanted anything. It's all I've ever wanted."

Lindsey shook his head and removed her hand from his face. He wouldn't allow a loving touch or a kind word to convince him of something that she hadn't felt.