Decades

The Unraveling

The bathroom was so small that she could barely turn her small body around, but she leaned against the door and put her hands on each side of the sink at the same time. She looked at her red face in the mirror and tried to stop the tears from coming, but no matter how hard she tried, she wasn't successful.

She didn't think she'd ever been this fucked up before. Her heart was racing, outrunning itself. She was afraid she was having a heart attack. Part of her was afraid, but the other part didn't care. She didn't feel an ounce of self-preservation. She just wanted to be done. Stevie was certain that there was nothing good left in the world for her.

"Are you okay, babe?" came a worried voice from outside the door.

"Mmmhmm, I'll be right out," she answered, wiping her eyes and nose before finally splashing cold water on her face.

When she left the small bathroom, she was thankful that the lights on the plane had been dimmed. It was an overnight flight, and most of the passengers had settled in to sleep on the long flight. Stevie was struggling with big regrets tonight, and they were written all over her face. "What have I done? What have I done?" she asked herself again and again.

Things had been horrible with Lindsey, as bad as it had ever been. And that was saying something. She had been struggling with the way he'd treated her. Calling her a whore, the vile things he'd accused her of doing, and his mean-spirited remarks had been hard for her to forgive.

Lindsey was supposed to love and trust her. But that was exactly the opposite of what she was feeling from him lately. Would he say things about her blowing somebody else if he loved her? If that was love, did she even want it? She was having serious doubts about whether or not their relationship was actually sustainable. And if it was, was it something that was healthy enough to want to sustain?

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On this night, the band appeared at an intimate gathering for the bigger donors at the charity event. They were only doing three songs, an up close and personal preview of tomorrow night. They didn't usually play small gatherings, but they had obligated themselves to this fundraiser, and this was part of it.

Tomorrow night, they'd perform their whole setlist at the concert. But, tonight, they'd be in attendance so that the fat wallets would have the pleasure of rubbing shoulders with them before they wrote their big checks.

The plane landed, and the band had a limited time to go by the hotel and freshen up before being driven to the venue where they'd perform later that night.

When Lindsey and Stevie awoke, the plane was landing, and they were physically very close. For a moment, things felt normal. But then there was that moment of remembering that often comes shortly after waking up, and the pair was reminded that things were anything but normal. Stevie began to peel away from Lindsey. Her body, as always, betrayed her by craving Lindsey's touch even when her brain knew it wasn't good for her.

At the hotel, they'd been given separate but adjoining suites. Stevie wasn't sure who'd been in charge of this booking, but she could kiss them. She wasn't ready to separate from Lindsey and wouldn't have asked for her own space, but if things continued to feel so wrong, she'd want somewhere to go. Even a small amount of distance might ensure clearer thinking.

"I'm going to shower," she told him upon arrival. He'd held her hand or held tightly to her arm since they began disembarking from the plane. Lindsey had a sick feeling that he was losing Stevie and needed to hang on. He was battling with his temper and the sick thoughts that his imagination wouldn't stop generating. He kept imagining pornographic images of Stevie with Don, and those pictures in his head were in direct combat with the feelings of love he had for her. He was left losing the war within his mind.