Decades

Locks and Backdoors

The Dance tour was a dream. But, like all dreams, eventually, you wake up, thought Stevie. And now, she felt like she was living in a waking nightmare. The heartbreak was bottomless.

"I don't want to be in a fucking open relationship with you, Stevie," Lindsey shouted. "Why can't you admit I'm good for you and just commit to us?"

"I didn't call it an 'open relationship,' Linds. I just said that we're not exclusive because things are casual between us," Stevie explained. "You know how I feel about you, and I love what we have. But, we don't have to name it or put restrictions on it."

"And that's the problem. You always want to leave the backdoor open so you can slip out when you've had enough," said a very frustrated Lindsey.

"If I want to leave the backdoor open, it's only because of all the deadbolts and the locks you insist on installing. Why can't you be satisfied with how things are right now?"

"This is why things didn't work in the past between us. It always has to be your way," Lindsey argued.

"I beg to differ, Lindsey. Things didn't work in the past because you couldn't just be with me. You wanted to own me. You were jealous and too possessive, and that's why things didn't work, and you know it," Stevie said, equally frustrated.

"Look, we've spent all this time together. The feelings I have for you have never been stronger. I love you, and I know you love me too. Why are you still playing hard to get?"

"I'm not playing hard to get. I just wish you'd stop pressuring me. Please, it's making me want to..." Stevie began.

"It's making you want to what? Leave? Run away? Forget the whole thing? Trust me, baby. Don't be afraid to take a chance on me, on us," Lindsey implored.

Stevie put her bag over her shoulder and slipped on her boots. "I'm going to walk away, not permanently, so don't get angry with me. But I need a minute. I don't want things to escalate and I don't want to make decisions in the heat of the moment," explained Stevie, "I'm going to get a cup of tea and breathe for a second. We can talk later. I promise I'll be back soon. I just need to think," she crossed the room, held his face in her hands, and kissed him. "I love you, you know."

He nodded as if defeated, that yes, he knew she loved him. He just wanted her so badly he couldn't understand why she was holding back.

Lindsey remained in Stevie's suite, pacing the living room. He was coming on too strong. It was something he struggled with, pushing her, trying to fence her in. He wanted her more than anything. Some things never changed.

He could envision a beautiful future for them. However, Lindsey feared Stevie wasn't ever going to be all in, so instead of giving her more reasons to want to be, he was trying to contain her. He knew that wouldn't work. It never had in the past. But he didn't know how to change the way he was, and holding on loosely wasn't something he had mastered where she was concerned.

Still pacing like a caged animal, he went on the balcony and smoked a joint. As he wandered back into the bedroom, he noticed the light blinking on the telephone, signaling that someone had left a message. He thought he might have missed a call from her. She'd been gone for a bit now. Maybe she wanted him to join her. He pushed the button to retrieve the message, and an unfamiliar voice came on the line.

"Hi, Stevie, Edward here. I was delighted to hear from you. Sorry, I missed your call. Glad to hear you're in town. Please join me for dinner and to see a couple of those bands we talked about seeing last time we were together. Maybe we could go dancing again? Let me know if you have time tonight or if tomorrow works for you. Call me when you can!"