Decades

Things Change

The tour came, and it went. Stevie and Lindsey were as disconnected as the rest of the band had ever seen them. On stage, Stevie did her best to convey a friendliness and warmth she didn't feel.

She started a habit of looking just to the left, right, or just over Lindsey's head when she sang parts that she'd typically sing to him. From the audience, it looked as if she was looking at him, which was the best she could do. Her heart simply couldn't take real contact with him.

It frustrated Lindsey to no end, and he became angry and refused to play along. Some nights, he'd challenge her by staring straight at her, daring her to make eye contact. She never did.

Other nights, he wouldn't even glance in her direction when it would have been appropriate for the show. Each night, he came across as cold and uninterested or intensely interested and cold.

The former couple made sure they didn't stand near each other when they took their bows or when they walked on stage. Lindsey wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with their new distance. Often, he would be so frustrated after a performance where Stevie avoided him that he'd just hand off his guitar, take a quick bow at the end of the show, and be the first to leave the stage as well as the venue.

Other nights, he'd linger near Stevie's entourage, finding someone outside of her dressing room door to have a conversation with, hoping to make some kind of contact with her. He'd talk and laugh loudly, hoping his voice would lure her out to talk to him. He'd try to catch her eye as she was coming or going. Occasionally, he'd be rewarded by a flicker of something. He could never be sure what that flicker was: love, pain, pity, anger, annoyance, longing, or some mix of all of it. On those nights, he'd find himself on his suite's balcony all alone, smoking a joint and analyzing what her brief glance could have meant.

Stevie surrounded herself with friends. She drowned out her loneliness and guarded herself from encounters with Lindsey by encircling herself with other people. She always had a couple of people traveling with her, along with her regular pit crew, as Lindsey thought of them. She was happy to see the tour come to a close.

Neither Lindsey nor Stevie agreed to sign on for any international touring dates. When the tour was over, they both went home. There were plenty of solo projects to keep them busy, so they poured themselves into those. Neither wanted to go on the way they'd been doing.

Years actually passed with only the most minor contact. Most of it was through their management teams. It was the longest period of disconnection that the two had ever had. Neither thrived and while their love never dampened, the longing dulled enough that they were both able to move forward.

Lindsey poured himself into his music and remained a faithful husband and a loving father. It was fine, he often thought. Everything was fine. Having a healthy relationship with his kids reminded him of why he'd made the sacrifices he had. He wasn't overjoyed with his life. But, he felt like he'd made the noble choice, even if it was the choice that gnawed away at him in the wee hours of the night, when he was driving alone, or in the many hours on his own in his studio.

Stevie refused to analyze or look back. She'd made a mental script that she leaned on in interviews and in conversations where Lindsey came up. She stuck to it like a mantra and repeated it often enough that it lost its sting. It was rote by now. "He was my musical soulmate. We've known each other since we were in high school; it will always be complicated, and that was a key aspect of our music," she'd recite some variation of this when questioned.

She'd gotten so sick of the romantic links to Lindsey that she began to throw things into interviews about her affair with Joe Walsh, calling him the romantic love of her life. Nobody, even Joe, was really buying it. But it drove Lindsey crazy when he heard those interviews. He supposed he was glad she hadn't said it was Don.

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Lindsey took family vacations, went to brunch with his family, and embraced the horse culture that his wife and girls so enjoyed. He did a solo tour that enjoyed critical success.

Stevie toured nearly nonstop, selling out arenas. Her career was everything she'd ever dreamt it would be. She loved performing and loved her fans. The idea of settling down and getting married was an idea that had gone the way of the dinosaur for her. Her focus was solely on her music.

She did date occasionally. Often younger men. Stevie enjoyed passionate flings that came in like a lion and out like a lamb. She intentionally sought relationships where no real feelings were attached, which would have made it hard to part ways when the initial fiery passion subsided. She did her best to keep her love life private, having learned from her more high-profile relationships that the musical spotlight was the only one she wanted.

Her attempt at keeping things quiet didn't insulate those in the know from hearing what she was up to. Mick would slip in the latest gossip about Stevie when he'd run into Lindsey. He knew it was cruel, but he was curious to see the other man's reaction. Mick cared deeply for Stevie and knew how much Lindsey's choices had hurt her, so he wasn't above twisting the knife a little on her behalf.

Lindsey wasn't a hard man to read. He wore his feelings on his sleeve. After dropping the news of some affair or another that Stevie was rumored to be having, he could see the hurt on the guitarist's face, and just for a second, Mick would feel guilty for giving the man another detail for him to ruminate on when he was summoning his regrets. Though, it didn't stop him from doing it the next chance he got.

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After several years, Fleetwood Mac was gearing up for another album. Christine had opted out, saying she'd retired from touring. Lindsey was excited about the prospect of himself and Stevie reuniting for those two-part harmonies they'd once done so well together. But, getting her to participate proved to be difficult. She was doing a good job of protecting her peace by staying away from Lindsey.

For years, Lindsey had downplayed her contribution in the studio, so she used that as an excuse not to be particularly necessary for this new album they wanted to produce. She finally agreed to tour and to contribute a couple of songs and some vocals. But only because Mick was in a financial bind and had pleaded with her to join them.

She trudged into the studio with the remaining band members under duress. They all greeted her lovingly and warmly, especially Lindsey. It was nice being with them again, despite her trepidation. She did her part quickly and efficiently, making an effort to be on time and to leave as soon as her part was done. She didn't leave time to socialize or to get sucked back into her complicated relationship with Lindsey.

The band members' families stopped by regularly, and Stevie enjoyed seeing the children. While the children's mothers gravitated to the adults, Stevie took the time to get to know everyone's kids, particularly Lindsey's. She loved spotting his quirky mannerisms in them. The happiness she found seeing bits of the man she loved in his children was worth the pain it inevitably caused. So strong was her desire to know and to love them.

Lindsey closely watched those interactions and listened to his kids talk about Stevie when they were at home. Seeing Stevie's head thrown back in laughter at some funny thing the kids were telling her made his heart swell. He loved watching her make up funny games or songs to entertain them. As delighted as he was to observe her with his children, the regrets came fast, and that happy feeling never lasted. "It could have been her. This could have been us," his treacherous heart would whisper.

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Soon, the tracks were laid down, and Stevie had done her part and wasn't needed anymore. She'd survived being close to Lindsey once again. She hadn't thought she would have. Stevie was proud of herself for not falling back into old patterns, no matter how much she would have loved to have felt his arms around her again.

In a few short months, they'd be touring. Feeling encouraged by their studio sessions and how they hadn't turned into trouble, she was hopeful that she could survive the tour as well.